Pirate Etiquette

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Postby The Black Spot on Mon Jul 30, 2007 8:04 am

Ye has captured the Captain o' an Austrian ship. Ye be about to have 'im clapped in irons in the bilge when 'ee sez "Vait Kapitan. Zere ist no need for zis. Let me stay on deck - I haff many funny, vitty und interesting things to say."

Does ye:

A) Ignore 'im an have him thrown in the bilge
B) Think "I could do wi' some interestin' conversation"
c) Fall asleep durin' his first anecdote.
D) Tie 'im to a cannon an' light the fuse before 'ee tells yer another joke.
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Postby walktheplank on Tue Jul 31, 2007 5:15 am

One of yer swabs comes up to ye and says I be marrying the galley maid, can I be having some toime off.

Do ye

1) Set them ashore on a romatic Desert Island and tell em to have as much toime as they need.

2) Organise a big reception for him on yer ship and ask Black Bart to prepare some of his wonderful stew as the main dish.

3) Organise a drunken orgy at Fifi's for his stag night, then strip him naked and then handcuff him to a railing outside the Police Station.

4) Strap im to the rigging give him 100 lashes and then give his wench a good seeing to.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Island

Postby black bart on Thu Aug 02, 2007 6:24 am

Ye spot a dangerous lookin island, does ye:

A. Go ashore yerself, makin sure the rest of the away team are wearin their Red top coats.

B. Go ashore yerself, leavin Mad Jock McScotty in charge o the ship

C. Blast the island ta bejavers and blame the Klingons

D. Send First Mate Ahab Spock ashore makin sure his enormous ears are covered with a big floppy hat.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby Dan(da haole guy) on Thu Aug 02, 2007 10:17 pm

Arr-oha.. p'raps E. swill rum 'n' grog 'til da i'lan' get all fuzzy 'n' cute..THEN C. (dose Klingons no care wot dey get blamed fer annaways..)
KAULANA NA PUA A'O FSM..HANO HANO..FSM NO KA OI..
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Marooned

Postby black bart on Fri Aug 03, 2007 6:08 am

Ye is marooned on a desert island and Cap'n Cronan offers ye a ride to safety, does ye:

A. Accept his offer an ope the lifeboats are well caulked.
B. Politely decline hopin he don't take offence
C. Point at the horizon shoutin KRAKEN, and then run and hide
D. Get im drunk on the kegs of fermented coconut milk wot ye've been savin for the past four years, steal his ship and escape
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby DaveL on Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:49 am

Arghhhh, that definitely 'C' matey, there be nuffin braver than sheer cowardice in the face of a trip to Davey Jones locker :D
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Postby Captain Joseph Blackarse on Thu Aug 09, 2007 11:38 pm

Arghhhh!! Blessed be the noodles and the lager!! Gone a while have I been!! Ended up in the local brig for three days, after too much Rye Whisky and an incident involving an outdated pistol. It seems the police arent aware that being a pirate grants you diplomatic status, and therefore immunity from all prosecution on land.
Some things you may want to bear in mind before travelling the strange lands of Canada:

- They dont believe that pirates exist for the most part
- Talking like a drunken pirate gets you tasered
- Only other pirates understand
- What the hell do you mean, too noisy !?!?!?
- Nobody knows the gun is fake but you
- you dont give a rat's whatooey!!
Blessed be the noodle and the lager!!!!
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Canadian

Postby black bart on Tue Sep 11, 2007 9:08 am

You be Cap'n Joseph Blackarse

Does ye:

A. Admit to be bein Canadian, try to get it off yer chest and hope the furore dies down arter a few months.
B. Pretend to be a Yank.
C. Learn Cantonese and open a take Away restaurant near the harbour
D. Go back into hiding in the Rockies.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby tanguerra on Tue Sep 11, 2007 7:12 pm

Yaaarr! Could be he be a Yank posing as a Canadian? Possibly also a Celestial posing as a Yank posing as a Canadian? Never underestimate the deviousness of the pirate mind.

Ended up in the local brig for three days, after too much Rye Whisky and an incident involving an outdated pistol...


Well, there be yer first two problems matey
a) why drink whisky when there be perfectly good rum available? and
b) never, ever, goes anywhere with a weapon which be not in perfect working order, particularly if ye're going to pull it out and wave it about.
Tis a sure way to get yerself into an embarassing predicament.

Still, we got to admire enthusiasm in a young brigand. Har har!
Aaarrrrgggh!

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Book

Postby black bart on Wed Sep 12, 2007 5:43 am

Pirate Etiquette 36 Sub-Section 4.3

Ye finds a crew member readin a Jane Austin Novel in his bunk,
Does ye?

a. Give im a dose o the cat as an example to the rest o the crew

b. Offer im a copy o 'Long Winded Slasher Tales' by the Black Spot and burn the offending book.

c. Ask him how the ell he learned to read since the blaggard's been at sea since he were 2.

d. Make sure he gets the book back to Portsmouth library afore he incurs a fine.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby The Black Spot on Wed Sep 12, 2007 6:08 am

a) The cat.

Didn't bother readin' the other options. No point.
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Fine

Postby black bart on Wed Sep 12, 2007 6:14 am

Aye a good answer...but the correct one be:

d. Make sure he gets the book back ta Portsmouth Library afore he incurs a fine.

Ther be nothin more humiliatin fer a Pirate Captain than to have ta queue up at the libray with a fine hoverin over his head!

Sorry you do not win the weekly prize of a plate of Red Cow Sandwiches.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby The Black Spot on Wed Sep 12, 2007 6:28 am

Ye has six o' yer men bury a large treasure chest, an ye wants to keep its location a secret. Does ye:

a) Kill the men so they can't tell no one.

b) Kill the rest o' yer crew so no one even knows which island its on.

c) Scuttle yer ship an row home in an open boat.

d) Get back to Portsmouth, get rat-arsed in the Admiral Benbow, an' blurt out the location to everyone.
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Treasure

Postby black bart on Wed Sep 12, 2007 6:47 am

Arrrrrrrr...I ave had this problem meself. What I did, bein as cunnin a pirate as whats ever come out of Portsmouth, was this:

I got me six men ta bury a chest which unknown ta them was filled with rocks. I went ome to the Admiral Benbow and got rat arsed and blurted the location of me treasure to everyone. Once everyone had buggered off to look fer me huge treasure, I buried the real chest in the cellar o the pub!

Oh bollocks!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby OZ_Nick on Wed Sep 12, 2007 9:50 pm

Aaarrrggghhh ye blaggard. The chest in the cellar be all full o' rocks. Ye got ye crewe ter bury the wronge one!
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