Pirate Etiquette

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Pirate Etiquette

Postby Captain Joseph Blackarse on Thu Jul 19, 2007 3:25 am

Blessed be the noodles and the lager!!!

For ye who blunder at social gatherings, executions, naval combat. Take heed, for here ye will find useful bits on conducting yourself like a proper pirate, worthy of a wanted poster!!

For example: You are eating dinner, the person next to you spills rum on your jacket. You:
a) Shoot him in the face with your pistol
b) Ignore it and keep drinking
c) Make the sucker walk the plank

Another example: You have a giant loogie that needs to go, but there is a wench present. You:
a) Hork anyways, this be a Man's Ship!!
b) Make the wench walk the plank
c) Ignore it and keep drinking
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Postby OZ_Nick on Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:05 am

Yaaarrrr!

Thems be eezy wuns matey: 1-b, 2-c

3. Ye be 'avin a quiet lie down in yer great cabin when th' cabin boy runs in an' informs ye that yer crew be gettin ready ter mutiny, do ye:
a) Ignor 'im and keep drinkin
b) Draw ye cutlass and slice the cabin boy in two fer disterbin yer beauty rest
c) Race up on deck ter catch the swabs before they be ready an' make the ring leaders walk the plank
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Puddings

Postby black bart on Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:54 am

AARRRRR too easy, that ud haf ta be (a)

4. Knuckles O'Shuffle has stolen all yer best magazines and posters, do ye:

a. Make sure there are extra supplies of Kleenex for the voyage.

b. Hide the main sail.

c. Order the Ship's pastry chef to distract Knuckles with a pudding pulling competition on deck and steal the magazines back.
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Postby KC Observer on Thu Jul 19, 2007 3:24 pm

How are you going to do "c" when the magazines in question are in use for the contest? :?
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Postby Deck Hand Sharkchum on Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:46 pm

The correct answer is actually
D. Ignore the pilfering son of a sea snake and keep drinkin'
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Pudding

Postby black bart on Thu Jul 19, 2007 6:25 pm

KC Observer wrote:How are you going to do "c" when the magazines in question are in use for the contest? :?


It's a metaphorical pudding pulling contest...no, hang on...it's pastry OK...it aint my fault if some people ave dirty minds! :?
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Postby Captain Joseph Blackarse on Thu Jul 19, 2007 10:02 pm

Pirate etiquette, part 29:

It is a breach of protocol to sink a ship outright. A serious pirate will ransack and/or plunder before either burning the ship, or sinking the vessel with cannon fire. The fate of prisoners is at the discretion of the captain, however execution of prisoners must be by a) setting them adrift, or b) walking the plank. In the event of a multi-party naval engagement, or foul weather, it is permissable to defer the boarding for up to 72 hours. :fsm_yarr:
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Postby DaveL on Thu Jul 19, 2007 10:36 pm

YArrr...

Tis a good question matey, but it tends to be up to the discretion of the captain.

If yer ask Black Spot for example, there will no prisoners or etiquette shown whatsoever. If they don't fly the flag of surrender, then they and their ship be kissin 'Mr. D.Jones locker'.

A fairer minded captain (like Walk the Plank) might engage in much diplomacy, give them a right talking to, ponder their fate, then drop them off on some nice comfy island with supplies. Then write a long winded tale about the whole event.

However if you ask Bart Bart, all prisoners are likely to end up being genetically modified at his cloning facility for experiments.
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Postby OZ_Nick on Fri Jul 20, 2007 1:29 am

Yarr! Oi think ye all be abunch o lilly livered lubbers. Ye shuld ignore the lot an' keep drinkin! This be correck poirate ettiket in all sityuashuns.
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Postby walktheplank on Fri Jul 20, 2007 7:46 am

Pirate Etiquette 35 Sub-Section 4.2

If boarding a ship with your crew and your intentions are hostile you should announce your arrival with a loud "yarrr yer blaggards giv us yer booty an wenches". Pirates being old English gentlemen are not the type that will slip on to a ship and try to take it over in an underhand manner but will give their foes a chance to fight in the open.

Notes to sub-section 4.2

This rule is the one most open to misinterpretation by Pirates. Black Bart will send his crew on board but will stay on his own ship as he is lily livered. However, The Black Spot will personally use his cutlass on every blaggard that gets in his way with minimal warning as he is a man of few words, though you might get a few grunts out of him.
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wig

Postby black bart on Fri Jul 20, 2007 10:03 am

Pirate Etiquette 35 Sub-Section 4.3

Does Walktheplank

a. Remove his wig and polish his head ready for battle

b. Wear a nasty punky spikey wig to make imself look more fearsum

c. Carry on drinkin
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Postby Captain Joseph Blackarse on Fri Jul 20, 2007 6:06 pm

all of the above!! ARRRRRRGH!! :fsm:
Blessed be the noodle and the lager!!!!
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Postby ChowMein on Sun Jul 22, 2007 9:30 am

Me Daire Capin BlackArse,

I dun vited Capin DaveL ta suppuh ...he dun cough onna hole bison an ... den he took it away sayin ," he dint wanna spread a code ".

I node he taint sick , but sins hes a guess i dint say nuttin , but trubbel tis ...sum o me crew gonna die widdowt food...Wots be proper ? Pillage it back or juss ask ?
Quote :" ARRR! GAGAGAGA ! , ...de sailin' loife fer me. ARR! GAGAGAGAGa....arr gagaga.....a...". (Popeye The Sailor)
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Re: wig

Postby DaveL on Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:06 pm

black bart wrote:Pirate Etiquette 35 Sub-Section 4.3

Does Walktheplank

a. Remove his wig and polish his head ready for battle

b. Wear a nasty punky spikey wig to make imself look more fearsum

c. Carry on drinkin


YArrrrr...

Oi thinks yer forgot d. Write a long winded tale about a. b. and c.
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Postby ChowMein on Mon Jul 23, 2007 11:51 am

Ahoy ! Capin BlackArse ,

I wuz jus wunnerin ... Does ye tink it be bad mannerin iffen I insults pizzenors afore I dumpum oar ?
Quote :" ARRR! GAGAGAGA ! , ...de sailin' loife fer me. ARR! GAGAGAGAGa....arr gagaga.....a...". (Popeye The Sailor)
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