Local politician found in compromising situation at dockside!
Yesterday morning at 07:00, a local politician was found in a compromising situation with a parrot and a local woman named Bertha, notorious in the dockyard area. Due to a press gag order, we cannot reveal the name of the politician, so we shall refer to him as BB for his anonymity, in keeping with the order. BB was found down at the docks by a sailor visiting Bertha for her special wares. "He was hanging from the ceiling covered in syrup with nuts stuck to it. Bertha was standing there with a cat o' nine tails, but there was something else. It was then that I saw the parrot flying around, every so often diving to grab the nuts. I was in shock, at the time, to think that the poor man was stuck and being attacked by a vicious looking parrot."
The sailor, who wishes to remain anonymous, ran from the dockside establishment and screamed for help, thinking that BB was caught and Bertha was trying to get him down. 30 people then ran in, consisting of 5 officers of the law, 10 sailors (one an admiral), 4 politicians who said they were taking a nice brisk walk down at the docks, 10 members of the public and Bertha's business partner Miss December.
When our reporter spoke to BB, the politician, he said that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for the situation, and that he would explain later once he had spoken to his solicitor, his publicist and his ghost writer.