Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

[black bart]

It's Official, Europeans Stink:

On Friday morning my nostrils were filled with the smell of manure and this is why:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7354538.stm

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Royal Navy Told not to Detain Pirates Shock

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article3736239.ece

Ha harr...break out the rum lads...it be toim ta celebrate!

Yarr Bartie bouy , seems Thee Roil Navee be on Arr soide , doan loike sommat bout vents oi 'spose.

[The Black Spot]

GREEN BART SHOCK!

Visitors to a message board were stunned yesterday when a certain pirate's name appeared in green on the main forum page.

A certain visitor (who wishes to remain nameless) said "This is terrible. A moderator? HIM?"

A source close to the Venganza website said "Yes, it's official. The lunatics have really taken over the asylum."

[DancingKitty]

GREEN BART SHOCK!

A source close to the Venganza website said "Yes, it's official. The lunatics have really taken over the asylum."

Teh wurd iz 'regained'...

[black bart]

Aaaaargh no....it can't be...NOT THE BLACK SPOT already...I've only been in the job a couple o days...

Phew, it's only you!

[The Black Spot]

NEW MAYOR TAKES CHARGE

After six decades in office, Red Keith Liversausage has been ousted as Mayor of Portsmouth by Borat Jolson.

Red Keith, who introduced the unpopular Congestion Charge in Portsmouth Harbour, was defeated by a landslide vote for Borat Jolson.

Giving his victory speech on the steps of Portsmouth Town Hall, Mr Jolson promised to crack down on crime, and make the streets of Portsmouth safe again.

He began to say something about improving public transport, but was cut off when he was bundled into the back of a carriage by three burly men and driven away at speed.

[black bart]

New Mayor...Same Routine...which bits will they chop orf Borat? There's plenty ta spare!

[pieces o'nine]

Oi don't recaul readin' habout no 'Borat Jolson' on the runup t' thee Portsmouth Mayoral Helections.

As a staunch supporrrter ov Tiddles' bid fer lejitimit power, an' a keen observer ov thee shenanigans hinvolving ovver cannidaytes, an' mice an' cakes, an bribes, an wot-not, oi demands ter no wot the vote tallies were...

WOT BE THIS JOHNNY-COME-LAYTELY, SO-CALLED "BORAT JOLSON" AN 'IS SPESHULL HINTREST OWNERS BE HIDIN'?

[The Black Spot]

LOST TRIBE FOUND


There was excitement this week when an expedition found the fabled Lost Tribe of Canvey Island.

The tribe worship the bald headed god Obi-Wan-Planko and are pictured here next to the gigantic wig they are weaving in his honour.

Cap'n Plank was unavailable for comment.

[black bart]

Aaaaargh...is the Black one or the Red one the chief?

[The Black Spot]

Aaaaargh...is the Black one or the Red one the chief?

Tis hard t' say. They paints themselves different colours to represent the various sores an' blotches on Plank's bonce.

[black bart]

Aaaaaarrgh...what foul heathen people are these?

The depravity...the depravity!

Have thay the power of speech?

[The Black Spot]

Have thay the power of speech?

Tis not speech as we think it. Sum o them has memorised entire long winded tales. People has tried to have a conversation wi' them, but they've dropped off to sleep before theys finished talkin' about the weather.

[black bart]

Aaaaarrrgh...has we invented Napalm yet?

[DaveL]

YArrr...

Does anyone have their email addresses? I Oi needs to start sending 'em spam messages. No wait hang on, some of those tribes wear gourds already.
Oi be wastin me time! P'raps we can give every one of 'em a job at McWeevils.