Serious Pirate Discussion

[Griffin]

This topic be adrift mateys. Blown off course by an evil wind (that stew be fiercesome). Haul up yer mainsails and chuck the stew overboard.

Oi be avin a load o guests fer TLAP an I need ter spruce up me State cabins. Wot be suitable fernishings?

[black bart]

Dave L wrote:

Oi think that there horse was in the last batch. Used the remaining bits for glue...

I've never understood that cos horses just aint sticky!!!

[black bart]

Now lets get this serious Pirate Discussion back on track:

How many pairs of socks did a Pirate need per voyage?

[walktheplank]

Socks don't yer mean Stocks

Stocks well I as one fer me wench if she burns me stew.
One fer each of me crew on a rota system loike.
One fer me enemies, at the end of me plank.
One fer blaggards loike yer cos you can't spell.

Now stop bothering me I as a crew ter flog afore Supper ternite.

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Oi thinks we can discuss pirate raiding parties. That be an interesting topic of conversation. Never been on one meself

[black bart]

YYYAARRRR...I thinks we be raidin a Ghost Ship me hearties!

[ChowMein]

Arr! Bless me eyes! I had not thought that the Admiralty be back.

Grand Admiral Dave ,Admiral Black, Commadore Walk, the fleet is in shambles sins the Admiralty moved headquarters . I wuz the only one left aboard me ship afeer anthrobabe and tansy stripped off an swam fer shore in the CarARGHbean eyelands fer eyepatches and stripper gear.

I dunno wots becum of bosum E.Raser , taint seen em in munz , maybes hes dry dock sumwheres. The pass 10 munz eyes been making the skiff me home. Since Tiddles run off the rats be running me ship . Dere be no more provisions fer em sews they be drooling evry toime they see me. I must catch more seafood effin eyes wants to stay aboard.

Eyes had no contact wiff any udder ships nor the mates dat signed on wiff me. Tis lonely here sumtoimes (effin not fer the rats)
Eyes be hearing thru the ether dat new recruits ave signed on ,as well as cabin boyz ,buts cooking fer rats 'ave kep me frum sending up a signal.

So ,wots be me new orders?

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

Oi thinks we might be back for a while matey. Pirates be pirates they come and go. P'raps we will return to Ole Portsmouth matey.

[black bart]

I dunno wots becum of bosum E.Raser ,taint seen em in munz,maybes hes dry dock sumwheres.

We'll have to search the Seven Seas for the lad of mystery and dead Swans...All I can remember is that he was Italian. Perhaps if we post loads of pictures of pizzas he will we lured back!

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Where is Taichi these days? Oi thoughts the prospect of a serious discussion thread woud have 'im postin his knowledgable little pandaloons off!

[Griffin]

Oi's jest receeved wind o' a long lost parchment hentitled
'Ow Ter Run Yer Ship - A Cap'ns Guide', 1752, Bills and Boom.

It wer 3/6d but Oi got site o' a chapter fer free.

Chapter 8.

Deployin Yer Crew.

a) Line yer crew hup in the followin' order left ter roight.

Cap'n - First Mate - Second Mate - Third Mate - Fourth Mate - Fifth Mate

'appen ye'll 'av ter bob abowt a bit befor ye get em in order so tek up yer positiun last.

b) March em rownd ther ship an' peel 'em awf wun at a toime.

c) Check yer crew are now one at each corner o' the ship wiv Fifth Mate left over.

d) Throw the Fifth Mate overboard. That'll teech the ovvers ter mind ther buisiness.

e) Line up the rest o' the crew in the followin order:

Cap'n - Cook - Cabin Boy

f) Get the Cook ter cook ther Cabin Boy.

g) Throw one o' the Cabin Boys legs to each of the four mates an eet the rest yeself.

There's sum stuff you can do now you got a bit o' grub in yer belly. See Chapter 9.

h) Put into nearest port an get a new Cabin Boy.


Sum werds o' advice:

Don't allow the Fifth Mate ter wear plimsolls - yer goin' ter need 'em wen ye get ter Chapter 20. Refer back to Chapter 2 for "rum".

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It be a foine book fer Serious Pirates 'appen it be a but out o' date. It be amazin wot ye ken lern from old books. Mebbe sum ovver Chapters will turn up.

[The Black Spot]

Arrr... I read that book once. I recalls a chapter entitled "How Big An Anchor Should My Ship Have?"

It went inter all sorts o' fancy calculations about displacements an' drag coefficients an' wave vectors an' such. All bollux if ye asks me. A good rule o' thumb be this: put twenty prisoners in a sack, tie the sack to the anchor an' throw the lot o'er the side. If it stays sunk, it be 'eavy enough.

[black bart]

Arrrr indeed, that book be required readin for any self respectin professional loik Pirate...

...where can ye get a copy?

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

yarr ! Oi wanna camma flog me shup ! I be wunnerin' wot be best color to dye the sails ?

[pieces o'nine]

Oi fink blue, ter blend in wiv thee skoi, loike.

Hunless yer be sailin at noight, in witch case yer wants black.