Whinging Pensioner Pirate Rant

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Postby walktheplank on Wed Sep 06, 2006 9:28 am

aye know what you mean Spot.

In my day if you didn't like a swab you made em Walk the Plank. Hence me name as I had thousands of the blaggards off me ship this way.

Nowadays if you so much as raise yer voice to a Swab, they are likely to go to their quarters claiming sick benefit and are then liable to tek you to an Industrial Tribunal and try an git you the sack.

yarr I long for the good ol days
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Rubbish

Postby black bart on Wed Sep 06, 2006 11:40 am

AAARRRRGH...'The Good Old Days'...that show were rubbish! :?
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Science

Postby black bart on Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:17 am

YYYAAARRRR...in those days the ship only had the one clever pirate and he was called a science officer...his job was to mix the gun powder and come up with helpful bits of information such as:
In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death -- even vegetarians.
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Postby DaveL on Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:07 am

YArrrr...

Back in my day, we used to fight in Triremes, use Greek fire and use slaves to row us round the Indies.

Damn Spartans and Persians!
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Iliad

Postby black bart on Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:17 am

Aye...Ye be roight thar lad. None o your namby pamby East Enders rubbish, we had proper tragedies in those days...Greek Tragedies they were. That Iliad went on for over 70,000 episodes and thar were only one woman in the whole bleedin tale!
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Postby DaveL on Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:31 am

YArrrrr...

Those 'Sacred Band of Thebes' fellows sure had a way of errrrrmmm...shall we say 'bonding'... :roll: :D :?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_Band_of_Thebes
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Phallanx

Postby black bart on Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:42 am

YYYAAARRR ... Those Thebians certainly knew how to form a Phallanx! :wink:
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Boat

Postby black bart on Thu Jun 14, 2007 9:10 am

YYYYAAARRRRGH...Ye can't get a decent 'Open Boat' to be cast adrift on these days. Nowadays they be as a comfy as a baby's cot, all self rightin and hindistructable loik. In my day you were lucky ta last a week, sun beatin down dryin out yer eye balls, sharks eatin through the rotten planks and only a bottle of piss ta keep yer thirst at bay!
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Postby The Black Spot on Thu Jun 14, 2007 10:19 am

Cannon balls. In my day, we 'ad proper cannonballs that would smash yer gizzards to pulp. Ye got hit by a cannonball back then an' yer head would end up fifty yards from yer arse'ole. They be cheap rubbish nowadays.
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Postby walktheplank on Fri Jun 15, 2007 6:56 am

yaaarr on me ship in the old days if I wanted a look out I'll send me cabin boy up the rigging with a swift kick up his backside. Nowadays they want me to install scaffolding, insist on wearing hard hats and still the blaggards come down fer a tea break every 10 minutes.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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memory

Postby black bart on Fri Jun 15, 2007 8:31 am

AAARRGH...Me memory baint what it used ta be. Twas a time when I could have swept a wench off the docks, ravished her, held her to ransom and was back home in me secret hideout in the Dry Tortugas before the Royal Navy had a sniff of me gunwhales. T'other day I kidnapped the Governor o Jamaica's wife...couldn't manage the ravishin cos me pills ne'r turned up from Yin Lang Po on Hinternet and now I can't remember where the bleedin Hell I've hid her!!
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Postby DaveL on Fri Jun 15, 2007 8:45 am

YArrrrr...

Funny that. Oi keep gettin messages on me email sayin'

1. Yewl be the envy of every other guy;
2. If you are totally healthy then don't read the followin';
3. She'll love you like no other;
4. How to be a better lover.

YArrr...Oi hear it's the same 'bicycle pump' they use for all 4 treatments.

PS Can anyone tell me what ViZaGara or ViXaGAra is. Is is sumffin different to those special 'heart' tablets the doctors gaves me?
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Bucket

Postby black bart on Fri Jun 15, 2007 8:52 am

You have to spell it loik that or it gets edited out...I'll prove it with the next sentence:

Dave, where can I get a bucketload of Kolaloka lemonade?
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Postby The Black Spot on Fri Jun 15, 2007 9:12 am

We 'ad proper diseases back in my day. Scurvey that made yer gums shrivel up, an' good solid tropical diseases that'd eat a man's flesh off 'is bones. There were many a good man 'oos nadgers would drop off after a bit o' shore leave.

Youngsters o' today don't know they're born.
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Re: Bucket

Postby DaveL on Fri Jun 15, 2007 5:58 pm

black bart wrote:You have to spell it loik that or it gets edited out...I'll prove it with the next sentence:

Dave, where can I get a bucketload of Kolaloka lemonade?


YArrrr...

That's probably why the doctor keeps calling me heart medication hErecTyle DIsFunTYon taBleTs.
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