Aaaarggh-stock: A concert to end scurvy and global warming

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Postby DaveL on Sun Jul 23, 2006 8:04 am

ARGGGHHH-STOCK WARMUP NIGHT

at the Dribblin’ Parrot Hotel
by JP Periwinkle,
New Piratical Express

Well, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, being dragged away from my comfy inner city office to watch a bunch of pirate bands play at pub, full of evil looking nautical cut-throats. One can only describe the night’s proceedings as ‘interesting’. Probably somewhere between a frontal lobotomy and getting your tooth pulled is how I’d describe it.

The warm-up night has been organised to showcase 4 bands prior to the Arrggh-Stock Piratical Exposition. The venue, the Dribblin Parrot Inn, a small dockside pub candle-lit, with wooden furniture and rum barrels. The stage, a rather small podium interestingly covered with a layer of chicken wire. Initially, the patrons looked more interested in their tankards and the burly barmaids that patrolled the floor mopping up the spillage.

The first act of the night was a real treat. Local Bohemian, poet Norman Greenplank has been described as ‘the pirate version of Leonard Cohen’ has received a top billing for Arggh-stock. Norman’s ribald poetry and dark bawdy love songs got the Pirate crowd goin’. His current single ‘Until I Am Dead’ had the piratical crowd in thronging to the stage. Lots of phrasing and emphasis ‘They’ll never stop until I am dead, Until I am Dead My clothes are all coloured red, coloured red’

Later on, Norman gave the crowd some strange looking tobacco, which made the crowd laugh, eat uncontrollably and talk non-stop about some bloke called Bob Marley. Not a single beer bottle thrown. One of the real up and comers for the festival.

Next up was Carlos Santan-arghhhh, a bouffant-latino-piratical-guitar maestro. Well what can I say about electrified music? This guy on stage with a strange instrument, blared out noise that made the crowds’ ears bleed. Where’s the mandolin, penny whistle and concertina I say?

Santan-arghhhh was so loud he made the walls of the Dribblin Parrot shake. The local town sheriff called to arrest the noise-makers was subsequently dispatched by Santan-arghhhh’s roadies into Portsmouth Harbour. Carlos weaved his way through some fine numbers includin’ ‘Cronan Sacrifice’, ‘Oyo Como Vaaarghh’ and ‘Black Eye Patched Woman’ winning over the rowdy crowd. Only a few weapons were produced during the set, with just one bar stool thrown to test the chicken wire. Carlos should find the open air venue at Argghh-stock a real advantage.

The next act was lucky to survive the first number without gettin' lynched at the gallows. Pirate boy band ‘Take-the-Lot’ stepped on stage dressed in brightly coloured spandex attire. Capn DaveL and Capn Black Spot were eager to ‘drip honey’, which made the crowd want to ‘drip musket balls’.

The first number an anti-scurvy ballad ‘Sendin’ me an Orange with Love’ caused a near riot, with bottles and grapeshot flyin’ everywhere. Followin’ a 10-minute recess, and several of the barmaids cuffing patrons behind the ears, Dave n’ Spot returned to belt out a couple of more ballads, ‘Sinking’ and anti-Brenda ode ‘Your Horrible’ which seemed to restore some order. The lads clearly went down well with the wenches, but the male folk were clearly incensed. Not sure how 'Take-the-Lot' will fare at the big event. They may well be the antidote to too much Piratey Metal, but can someone please talk to their stylists, that 'get-up' was awful.

Well last act Motaarrrghh-head expected to turn up, were still down at Madame Fifi’s after an earlier gig at the Drunken Mermaid. Lucky for them, as the crowd had vanished following Take-the-Lot’s set.

So all in all, the gig at the Dribblin Parrot promises Arggh-stock will be a ‘Very Interesting’ event. Will a crowd of 50-60 thousand rowdy blaggards stomach what was on show? It all depends on how high you build the chicken wire. Yarrrr!!

J.P. Periwinkle
Pirate Rock Scribe
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Postby The Black Spot on Mon Jul 24, 2006 7:42 am

Arrrr...

Take the Lot have bin practicing a new sugary ballad.

This one be a cover o' the old Michael Jackson tune. It be an ode to a bilge rat called

Ben

Ben, I'm going to have to look some more
to find the vermin that I'm looking for
You have eaten all the bread
But won't touch the fish heads
And you, you rat, will see
I've got it in for thee
(I've got it in for thee)

Ben, you're always running here and there
I can't find that bastid anywhere
And you will soon be in trouble
When you get hit by my shovel
There's one thing you should know
You're gonna have to go
(You're gonna have to go)

I used to say "I" and "rat"
Now it's "where's the bloody cat"
(I used to say "I" and "rat")
(Now it's "where's the bloody cat")

Ben, people say that I'm obsessed
Trying to rid my ship of you yer pest
They don't see you as I do
They don't see what you get through
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a rat like Ben
(a rat) Like Ben
(like Ben) Like Ben
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Benn

Postby black bart on Mon Jul 24, 2006 7:52 am

AAAARRRRGH, sob...that reduced me intire crew to tears...

Twere only last week the ships pet Bilge Rat 'Prescott' was killed when he...sob, sob...

...when he fell into the Fish Head Stew after trippin over his dead mate 'Benn Tony' what I'd killed with a cutlass in a fit of pique after I'd lost a game o shuv-apenny! :cry:
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby DaveL on Mon Jul 24, 2006 7:55 am

YArrrr...

That's bewdiful Spot.

Lucky Ben didn't cross paths with Tiddles. :? :? :?
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Postby walktheplank on Mon Jul 24, 2006 9:12 am

Brenda she is such a remarkable woman that I Norman Greenplank king of the soppy rock ballads will sing another tune dedicated to her called simply If. As Telly Savales used to say “who loves yer babyâ€￾ not me that’s for sure

If your face contains a thousand warts
Then I don’t want to paint you
Though words will never describe the bitch I've come to know.
If your face could sink a thousand ships
then far away is where I go
There's no one quite like you, You smell just like Fish Head Stew.
And when my love for life is feeling high,
You come and put your evil face near me.

If I could hide from you one more time,
I'd be far from you.
Tommorrow and today, away from you in some far away Bay.
If I don’t sail far away from you then I know that I will surely die,
I'd spend the end with you. You’ll crush me that is true,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
As I black out at least I'll now be free
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Pirgella

Postby black bart on Mon Jul 24, 2006 9:32 am

YYYAAARRR...another song from the heart...a broken heart at that me hearties!

Pirgella

I saw the light on the night that I passed by her window
I saw the flickering shadows of Dave L on her blind
She was my woman
As she deceived me I watched and went out for some grog
My, my, my, Pirgella
Why, why, why, Pirgella
I could see that girl was no good at frikasee
But I was lost like a gallion without any sails
At break of day when Dave L rode away, I was waiting
I cross the street to her house and she opened the door
She stood there laughing
I felt the Stew in my hand and she laughed no more*
My, my, my Pirgella
Why, why, why Pirgella
So before they come to break down the door
Forgive me Pirgella I just couldn't take any more
She stood there laughing
I felt the Stew in my hand and she laughed no more
My, my, my, Pirgella
Why, why, why, Pirgella
So before they come to break down the door
Forgive me Pirgella I just couldn't take any more
Forgive me Pirgella I just couldn't take any more

*Some fish products may contain bones
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Re: Pirgella

Postby The Black Spot on Mon Jul 24, 2006 11:59 am

black bart wrote:I felt the Stew in my hand and she laughed no more


Yarrr Harrrr...

that hast t' be the greatest lyric ever written
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Postby AmenableToPasties on Mon Jul 24, 2006 1:49 pm

Avast! Oi be hearin' this on the radio today. Oi guess Cap'n Bowie be a bit confused by 'is medicinals, as 'e obviously meant ter be singing 'bout pirates 'n' not sailors.

Oi be reckonin' this bit be 'bout Black Bart:

And he yells to the cook
With his arms open wide
"Hey, bring me more fish
Throw it down by my side"
And he wants so to belch
But he's too full to try
So he stands up and laughs
And he zips up his fly


Nine Inch Peglegs be plannin' ter cover it, as Cap'n Reznaargghhh be a big fan...
FSM would never dare to cross the River Tamar into Cornwall, for fear of ending up as a pasty filling.
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Postby The Black Spot on Mon Jul 24, 2006 8:49 pm

AmenableToPasties wrote:Oi guess Cap'n Bowie be a bit confused by 'is medicinals,


Arrr, I hears that Cap'n Bowie were goin' to be invited t' play, but 'ee were too much of a pisshead.

His set included "There's a barman waiting in the sky", "The Gin-Genie" and "The Spiders in Bars".
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Postby Alpaca on Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:46 am

Moi name be Blaggard Joey.

Image


Pirate Man

It be 4 AM on the afterdeck,
All o'ye should be asleep.
But yer filled with grog up to yer neck,
On seas so many fathoms deep.

Ye say "Blaggard, play us a drinking song,"
We need help downing more o' this booze.
An' if ye don't, then black bart 'ere will cut yer throat.
It's an offer ye can't refuse!

Oh, Arr, arr arr, arr arr arr.
Arr arr, arr arr arr...

Sing us a song, yer the pirate man!
Sing us a song, 'cause we're drunk!
We can't hear yer mistakes anyway,
But when we're sober, stay in yer bunk!


Oi'll compose a few more verses soon.
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Postby DaveL on Wed Jul 26, 2006 9:26 am

YArrrrr...

That be an interesting playing style you 'ave there matey. How do yer manage the tricky bits, playing with that thar hook?
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Postby Alpaca on Wed Jul 26, 2006 10:10 am

Don't tell anyone, but me parrot plays those bits.


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Tricky

Postby black bart on Wed Jul 26, 2006 10:24 am

AAARRRRGH...Me parrot does all my tricky bits too...OOOH Er!
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Postby DaveL on Thu Jul 27, 2006 8:35 am

YArrrr...

O'ill be revertin' to a mag style update of the bands and all their happenings in the lead up to the big event.

(Did someone say Tiddles will be performin at Arggh-stock?)
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Postby The Black Spot on Thu Jul 27, 2006 8:40 am

Arrr...

will Auntie Blackbeard be makin' one o' her (extremely) rare appearances in daylight?
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