Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board Proceedings

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Postby The Black Spot on Fri Jul 07, 2006 9:16 am

"That can be arranged!" boomed Cap'n Jack who had regained his composure. "I have tasted the stew and lived, but the experience has left me scarred forever."

"I have but one course of action left".
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supply

Postby black bart on Fri Jul 07, 2006 9:21 am

Can I put you down for a Year's Supply then yer holiness? :D
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Postby The Black Spot on Fri Jul 07, 2006 9:19 pm

"Certainly not!" screamed Cap'n Jack. "I sentence you to -"

"Wait yer 'onour." shouted Pervy Mason. "I have another surprise witness to call. If it pleases the court, I should like to call...
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Postby Griffin on Sat Jul 08, 2006 12:43 am

There was a pregnant pause. Then the door flew open and Pervy Mason screamed in a high pitch voice "Auntie Blackbeard".

Eject this personage, commanded Cap'n Jack mishearing Pervy's strangled tone for one of terror.

No, no, M'Luddite said Pervy. This be the witness.

Why be ye talking in that odd way then asked Cap'n Jack.

Tis jest a dill pickle be stuck in me windpipe Sir saith Pervy, and after a lot of heaving spat it out rather fast and watched it fly into Cap'n Jack's empty eye socket.

EDIT Avast!! Another alleged crime perpetrated by Black Bart has been uncovered here.
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Postby OZ_Nick on Sun Jul 09, 2006 10:57 pm

Captain Jack removed the offending item from his eye-socket and replaced his glass eye. He leveled a look of disdain at Mr Mason but in light of the new information about Bart decided to let matters rest for the time being.

Captain Jack: Griffin, let me see that Internet thingy you have there.

Captain Jack took Griffin's notebook computer (with WiFi Internet) and loaded the Shakespear thread. After carefully examining the allegations he exclaimed:

Captain Jack: It's a good thing the McArrgghhhss Restaurant next door installed an Internet hotspot last week. This FSM web site is a great way to keep an eye on the (mis)deeds of pirates and Black Bart in particular!

Before anyone knew what was happening, Captain Jack had gone to the PlayBilge online site and loaded up a picture of Big Brenda in a particulalry alluring pose (to an old walrus like Captain Jack).

Captain Jack: This here computer is accepted into evidence a bench exhibit 29. Clerk of the Court: please see to it that Griffin surrenders the carry case and AC power supplyy to the court.

Captain Jack: Court adjourned until the end of the World Cup Final. Now lets see... WWW dot piraticaworldcup dot com...
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IT

Postby black bart on Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:45 am

Methinks Your Lordship is a natural, and should re-train for a career in IT. Perhaps you could reprogramme E Razer for starters!!!! :fsm_yarr:
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Postby Griffin on Mon Jul 10, 2006 11:31 am

Oi aint abourt ter giv me power supply to anyone - ow the ell wuld I get around then ay ay? get yer own bleedin pwer supply.
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Postby OZ_Nick on Mon Jul 10, 2006 7:28 pm

Captain Jack: Bailiff, seize that Griffin! Griffin you are in contempt of court! You have the option of surrendering your powersupply or paying the statutary bribe of 10 dubloons.

Griffin hands over the requisite sum and is released.

Captain Jack: Black Bart, you have lead us all on a merry chase. It is time to pass judgement on your many misdeeds. On the count of making, distributing and selling a prohibited substance, Fish Stew, I find you guilty and fine you the sum of 100 dubloons, the fine being suspended for twelve months on the ground s that Fish Head Stew has been found to be an important new energy source and provided that you hand pver the recipe forthwith to the Pirate Atomic Energy Agency.

On the charge of breach of promise, I find you not guilty, breaking promises being expected from all pirates of bad standing.

On the charge of failing to pay your debt to Madam Fifi I order you pay restoration plus interest at 50% and also pay 50 dubloons into the court, ahem, charity box. Regarding the matter of attempting to pay your debt with brass dubloons, I recomend you purchase and use a tin of brasso next time, you will find it most effective.

Now we come to the most serious charge, that of being found sober on duty. I cannot emphasise enough how serious a charge this is, pirates' reputations are fragile things and any buccaneeer who does not take his responsibilities seriously drunk is a disgrace. However, having due regard for your appearances in court and general demeaner I find it impossible to believe that you were ever sober since you were 4 years old, and even then I am not sure. I find you not guilty on this charge.

On the late breaking matter of you stealing the recipe for Fish Head Stew, apart from the matter that I find it hard to credit anyone would voluntarily steal this recipe, you are after all a pirate and stealing is in the finest traditions of the Pirate Fleet. So I dismiss this charge with prejuduce. Constable, I enjoin you to locate the source of this scurrilous allegation and bring him before me at your earliest convenience.

Now to the matter of public safety. It has been brought to my attention Mr Bart that you are of bad character, a drunken lout, and of poor acquaintance with bathing technology. So much for your good points. However, I have it on good authority that you were seen helping a little old lady across a busy highway without attempting to steal her handbag, you were later that day seen rescuing a little kitty that had got stuck up a tree and you were even overheard being nice to small children. This is an utter disgrace and I sentence you to be transported to the penal colony of New South Wales for the term of your natural life. And may God have mercy on their souls. Take him down.

Court Adjourned!

Cerk of the court: All rise.

Captain Jack leaves the courtroom. The clerk of the court is relieved by Gertrudis Llydia Guttmacher-Llewellyn, clerk of the court for the next hearing.

Gertrudis Llydia Guttmacher-Llewellyn: Case no 32975, the Pirate Board Vs Captain DaveL, Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD presiding. All stand!
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Postby DaveL on Tue Jul 11, 2006 5:01 am

YArrrrr...

O'is already live in New South Wales. So maybe O'ill get meself banished to New Zealand...sorry yer honour!
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Postby walktheplank on Tue Jul 11, 2006 6:44 am

Gertrudis Llydia Guttmacher-Llewellyn looked over the top of her glasses and said "Prosecutor please read the charges against Dave L"

A hush descended on the courtroom as The Black Spot approached the bench. How could it be that the Black Spot was turning in his long time friend.

Spot took a deep breath and said "Well yer onour it happened a long time ago in the Tasman Sea"....
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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MMMMM Beer

Postby black bart on Tue Jul 11, 2006 10:13 am

YYYYAAAARRRRRR...I'd better try out the local Grog before I journey to New South Wales. Dave L's sent me a Special Selection o ales...

Now lets see:

Victoria Bitter...thirst quenchin enough.

Cane Toad beer...unusual but satisfyin

Red Back Lager...bit of a thting to that one

Jolly Swagman's Old Gut Rot...snice vereee snice

Wagga Wagga Destroyer...gnnnnnoooooooooogle buuuurrrp

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
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Postby OZ_Nick on Tue Jul 11, 2006 11:48 pm

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD looked over her glasses at Gertrudis Llydia Guttmacher-Llewellyn, the duty Clerk of the Court and said "If you please, Ms Clerk of the Court, I am the judge here and I will decide when the prosecutor should read the charges."

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD looked over her glasses once more and said "Mr prosecutor, read the charges against DaveL, if you please."
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Hangin

Postby black bart on Wed Jul 12, 2006 7:48 am

Dave L wrote:

O'is already live in New South Wales. So maybe O'ill get meself banished to New Zealand...sorry yer honour!


YYYAAARRRRR...I fear this fellar looks like an hangin judge!

Awe come on...we haven't had a good hangin since Simon Cowell was strung up by The Black Spot for crimes against humanity...
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Postby The Black Spot on Thu Jul 13, 2006 6:57 am

The prosecutor cleared his throat, and an old man in a boiler suit scurried in to clear it up.

"If it pleases the court, I shall prove that Cap'n DaveL was the inventor of the substance known as Fish Head Soup.

Black Bart - quite rightly - is vilified the world over for the noxious filth he has served up to all and sundry, but I have documentary proof that DaveL was the first one to put this disgusting dish together."

There was uproar in the court. Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD banged her gavel...
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Postby walktheplank on Thu Jul 13, 2006 8:48 am

..."there will be silence in court, these are serious allegations that if proved to be correct could end Dave L's Piratical career, the prosecutor will now get the opportunity to prove these claims ".

"Dave L, do you undersand the allegations made against you, where is your legal representation, Dave L can you hear me, DAVE L WAKE UP".....
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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