Captain Jack: Bailiff, seize that Griffin! Griffin you are in contempt of court! You have the option of surrendering your powersupply or paying the statutary bribe of 10 dubloons.
Griffin hands over the requisite sum and is released.
Captain Jack: Black Bart, you have lead us all on a merry chase. It is time to pass judgement on your many misdeeds. On the count of making, distributing and selling a prohibited substance, Fish Stew, I find you guilty and fine you the sum of 100 dubloons, the fine being suspended for twelve months on the ground s that Fish Head Stew has been found to be an important new energy source and provided that you hand pver the recipe forthwith to the Pirate Atomic Energy Agency.
On the charge of breach of promise, I find you not guilty, breaking promises being expected from all pirates of bad standing.
On the charge of failing to pay your debt to Madam Fifi I order you pay restoration plus interest at 50% and also pay 50 dubloons into the court, ahem, charity box. Regarding the matter of attempting to pay your debt with brass dubloons, I recomend you purchase and use a tin of brasso next time, you will find it most effective.
Now we come to the most serious charge, that of being found sober on duty. I cannot emphasise enough how serious a charge this is, pirates' reputations are fragile things and any buccaneeer who does not take his responsibilities seriously drunk is a disgrace. However, having due regard for your appearances in court and general demeaner I find it impossible to believe that you were ever sober since you were 4 years old, and even then I am not sure. I find you not guilty on this charge.
On the late breaking matter of you stealing the recipe for Fish Head Stew, apart from the matter that I find it hard to credit anyone would voluntarily steal this recipe, you are after all a pirate and stealing is in the finest traditions of the Pirate Fleet. So I dismiss this charge with prejuduce. Constable, I enjoin you to locate the source of this scurrilous allegation and bring him before me at your earliest convenience.
Now to the matter of public safety. It has been brought to my attention Mr Bart that you are of bad character, a drunken lout, and of poor acquaintance with bathing technology. So much for your good points. However, I have it on good authority that you were seen helping a little old lady across a busy highway without attempting to steal her handbag, you were later that day seen rescuing a little kitty that had got stuck up a tree and you were even overheard being nice to small children. This is an utter disgrace and I sentence you to be transported to the penal colony of New South Wales for the term of your natural life. And may God have mercy on their souls. Take him down.
Cerk of the court: All rise.
Captain Jack leaves the courtroom. The clerk of the court is relieved by Gertrudis Llydia Guttmacher-Llewellyn, clerk of the court for the next hearing.
Gertrudis Llydia Guttmacher-Llewellyn: Case no 32975, the Pirate Board Vs Captain DaveL, Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD presiding. All stand!
Ye may knowe mee better as Cap'n Bluenose