Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board Proceedings

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Postby Griffin on Fri Jul 21, 2006 10:49 pm

"Ojection Sustained" shreeked Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD. "Clear the Objection from court". A sturdy troop of huge hairy OZ lads in pink lame entered court, scooped up the Baron and carted him off. Meanwhile, The Black Spot was quietly leafing through the photographs scattered across the bench from whence The Baron had been conducting his prosecution.
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Postby OZ_Nick on Sat Jul 22, 2006 8:01 am

Oz_Nick, carefully glanced up from the floor at DaveL and mouthed the words "did it work?" DaveL nodded slightly.

Oz_Nick made a few grunting sounds and then apparently began to wake up form his "unconcious" state on the courtroom floor.

"Err, me aplogies, yer legalish omnipit.., ommnerpe.., err... powerfulness. Did Oi miss anyfing?"
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Postby Griffin on Mon Jul 24, 2006 5:51 am

No one noticed The Black Spot creep out of the courtroom wearing what looked like an over-stuffed weskit. For even Oz-Nick had dozed off again.
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Cutthroats

Postby black bart on Mon Jul 24, 2006 8:03 am

Suddenly the court room doors burst open and in staggered a bedraggled Black Bart. AAAARRGH...please don't send me back thar yer onour...'The Isle O Sheppey' is a den o the worst cutthroats ever to set foot on earth!

I've survived a voyage with Capn Cronan (sadly none o me crew were so lucky), and two weeks on the worst penal colony ever created by man...I demands a pardon. I promises ne'r to sell Fish Head Stew again!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby walktheplank on Mon Jul 24, 2006 11:00 am

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD was getting more and more frustrated. "Order Order, Black Bart will you stop interrupting this court whilst it is in session you are not on trial here, though I wish to God that you were"

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD then referred to her notes "We now have a new counsel for the prosecution please step forward Auntie Dee Dee"

There were gasps from all sides of the court, surely this meant the end for Dave L as Auntie Dee Dee was a lady of honour, someone who could not be bought.

However, no one in court saw Dave L quickly slip a piece of paper into Auntie Dee Dee's hand who then winked at him as she approached the bench.

"Auntie Dee Dee" said Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD "I understand you wish to restate the case for the prosection"
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Pardon

Postby black bart on Mon Jul 24, 2006 11:04 am

"What about me pardon from the King?" muttered Black Bart as he was dragged struggling from the court..."Don't send me back to the Isle of Dr Morrow...Cardiff, Birmingham, anywhere but the terrible Isle o Sheppey...
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby The Black Spot on Mon Jul 24, 2006 9:09 pm

"Shut up Bart. One more year," said Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD.

Auntie Dee Dee drew herself up to her full height. "I don't wish to be the prosecuter," she said. "But justice must be seen to be done. I call to the stand The Black Spot."

A hush fell over the court as Spot was dragged back in and dumped in the witness box by six burly guards.

"What is your relationship with DaveL?" Auntie Dee Dee asked.

"Well," said The Black Spot, "'ee seems all right."

"Let me refresh your memory," sais Auntie. "According to the records, the very first pirate posting you made was answered by whom?"

"I's don't really know..." said Spot.

"No? The very first posting you made was answered by a certain DaveL."

A gasp ran round the courtroom.

Auntie consulted her papers. "Is it not true that on or about December of last year, you and DaveL concocted an elaborate attempt to shoot down Santa Claus?"

"Yes.. but..."

"And is it not also true that DaveL contacted you to gain your assistance in shooting the Easter Bunny?"

"Well..." began Spot, but he was drowned out by the screaming and howling from the public gallery.

The shadow of the noose was falling over DaveL...
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Postby Griffin on Mon Jul 24, 2006 10:36 pm

Griffin rose from a bench. Which bench is a good question. No one knew nor cared. "MeLud". Griffin faltered sensing something was wrong. Griffin tried again "MeLuddy". The court tittered. "Oi wish for clarity. In the aforementioned postings and replies. which be the chicken and which be the egg?". Griffin rolled back under a bench.
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Postby OZ_Nick on Tue Jul 25, 2006 12:51 am

"Aha!" exclaimed Oz_Nick as he rose from the floor once more. "S'lunch toime!" Oz_Nick moved over to the defence benches and opened yet another suspicious looking package "'Oo'd like ter join me fer a nice bit o' me mum's chicken quiche?"

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD took one of the proferred slices "Delicious!" she declared.

Oz_nick moved around the court passing out slices of quiche. A general hum of contentedness began to be heard as everyone present realiseed that they really were very hungry and a slice of Oz-Nick's mum's quiche was just the thing.

As Oz_Nick offerred a slice to DaveL he gave him a wink. DaveL, took the hint and said "errrm, Oi'm not very hungry... Oi fink Oi'll give it a miss."

Fortunately, no one in the court room know that Oz_Nick's mum was a direct decendent of a long line of wise women and was an expert in the use of certain herbs and fungi. In a few minutes the sounds of happy munching were replaced by sonorous tones of snoring as the crowd peacefully passed out from the effects of Herby Chicken Quiche with Specialty Mushrooms.

Oz_Nick used the keys from the bailiff's belt to unshackle DaveL "Quik matey, the quiche will only last 'arf an 'our. Be off wi ye. Oi'll jest eat this 'ere last slice of quiche meself so as ter avoid suspicion, like. Seeya back down the Rocks in a cupla weeks." With that, Oz_nick finished off the last slice and soon nothing could be heard in the courtroom over the incredibly loud snoring from Black Bart.

The court slept on.

After a while, the sounds of drowsy people gradually waking up could be heard...
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Postby DaveL on Tue Jul 25, 2006 7:22 am

'YArrrrr..O'im outta here Oz_Nick. If O'im lucky, Oi can make the print run for August PlayBilge...'
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Dream

Postby black bart on Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:31 am

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....

Bart Dreaming begins talking in his sleep:

"So it waz all a dream...I'm still working in Marks & Spencers in Swansea...yes Mr Littler I am on Bras this morning...Oh I love working in the lingerie department...good god look at this a Double Double D Size...COOOOORRRRRRRRR, the only things that would fill that would be an enormous pair of...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby walktheplank on Tue Jul 25, 2006 9:33 am

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD on waking up quickly recovered from the shock of seeing the accused escape from the courtroom. "We will catch Dave L never fear but this court cannot go idle in his absence, I will now preside over the next case"

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD then looked around the courtroom, "The Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board calls...."
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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ZZZZZZ

Postby black bart on Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:36 am

ZZZZZZZZZZ...me mummy told me...never be a Pirate....ZZZZZZZZZ....treasure, treasure, my prescious it is...wenches, cabin boys...what's that smell, the stew, the stew...AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!
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Postby The Black Spot on Tue Jul 25, 2006 12:20 pm

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD banged her gavel. "Order in court! Bailiff, wake Bart up with a couple of kicks, will you."

"Now," said Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD. "Where was I -- oh, yes..."

She cast her eye around the room and fastened her gaze on an unlucky individual. "The Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board calls...."
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Postby DaveL on Wed Jul 26, 2006 9:24 am

...The Right Evil Tiddles the Cat to the Stand..
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