Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board Proceedings

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Postby OZ_Nick on Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:30 pm

DaveL's Defense Counsel, Oz_Nick, approached the bench, carrying the suspicious looking package from Bart's trial.

"Yer honour, Ma'am. If Oi may be so bold as ter show yer honouressness some evidence which Oi am sure will help convince ye of the truth of my client's words".

Oz_Nick, opened the package and showed Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD its contents. The glint of gold could be clearly seen reflecting from her face.

"Oi could make a donation ter th', er, "charity" of yer choice, Ma'am, if yer get me meaning."

DaveL was beginning to look a bit desperate now...
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Parrot

Postby black bart on Wed Jul 19, 2006 6:47 am

HHHAAARRRRGH....Ye'd be better defended by yer Parrot! :D
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Postby The Black Spot on Wed Jul 19, 2006 9:21 pm

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD looked up from the glittering package.

"I have a point of law to consider," she said.

DaveL brightened momentarily.

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD continued: "I have to consult with the Law Lords to see if burning at the stake is still on the statute books."

She banged her gavel. "Oz_Nick, will you meet me in my chambers," she said...
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Postby OZ_Nick on Wed Jul 19, 2006 9:45 pm

Oz_Nick replied "As your ladyship wishes.." and winked at DaveL who missed the gesture because he was sobbing quitely in the dock.

Oz_Nick thought to himself at last a judge wot nose the prop'r way to conduct a pirate trial as he stepped off quickly to follow Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD into her chambers, suspicious package in hand.

As Oz_Nick entered the chambers, Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD closed the door quietly behind him and truned to him and said...
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Postby Griffin on Thu Jul 20, 2006 5:33 am

... I am prepared to do a deal if you can prevent the prosecutor, Baron Von Krakenstein, from entering late evidence that DaveL was caught pier-crawling in his ship, dresses in a pink frock, googling at the Ladies of the Night.

Oz-Nick scratched his head for five minutes whille Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD tapped her foot anxiously, revealing a fine pair of legs encased in fish net stockings. Eventually Oz-Nick stopped scratching his leg and asked " now why would I want to do that? Tis an onour fer pirates ter be pier-crawlin."

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD blushed and looked coy. "I appeal to your respect for the Ladies" she said, giving Oz-Nick a nudge in the ribs and winking at him.

Oz-Nick having been a bit slow to catch on, realised he now had a useful stranglehold on the good Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD - "Trust me ma'am. We'll say no more on this matter. I will be objectin to any new evidence the prosecution tries to introduce. Yer Ladyshipness only need say Objection Sustained and there will be an end in the matter. Did Oi mention me ship is due to dock at Portsmouth Pier at 01:00 a.m. ternight?". Yer moight loike to inspect er barnacles."

"I see we undertsand one another " said Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD smoothing down her skirt and re-arranging her wig. "Let us return to court".
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Postby walktheplank on Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:00 am

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD returned to court and banged her gaval, "Court is reconvened" she boomed "now Baron Von Krakenstein I understand you wish to present new evidence to this hearing"

Baron Von Krakenstein smirked at Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD "Oh yes yer honour perhaps we can talk about this in private". Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD looked at Baron Von Krakenstein and to her horror caught a glimpse of a photograph on the Baron's desk which appeared to show Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh in a state of undress, clearly the worse for drink and in an uncompromising position with Dave L.

Nervously Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh adjourned the hearing and followed Baron Von Krakenstein to her private chambers.
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Judge

Postby black bart on Thu Jul 20, 2006 8:03 am

"Blimey" said Black Bart still watching on the two way video link, "That Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD has got a lovely pair of..."
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Postby walktheplank on Thu Jul 20, 2006 9:46 am

For Black Bart's benefit can we turn every thread on the board into The Great Salty Tale?
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Short Cut

Postby black bart on Thu Jul 20, 2006 11:10 am

YYYAAARRRRR...Life is but a 'Continuous Salty Tale' WTP as ye will find out soon enough when tis your turn infront of the Disciplinary Court for taken a Short Cut in the...OOOOOPPS, nearly let it slip thar! :wink:
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Postby DaveL on Thu Jul 20, 2006 6:17 pm

'YArrrrr...can yers put me back into the Disciplinary Board hearin'. 'I heard there is a bout of Salty Tale-itis around these parts. Get on with it will yers' said Capn DaveL, anxious to hear his fate.
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Postby The Black Spot on Thu Jul 20, 2006 9:30 pm

Baron Von Krakenstein leered evily at Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD.
"It seems we have reached an empasse," he gloated. "I have further evidence that you cannot now throw out. Is that not right?"

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh. EdD filcked nervously through the series of unbelievable vile contortions depicted on the photographs.

"Hmmm... under the circumstances..."

She stormed back into the courtroom.

"Court is now in session."

Baron Von Krakenstein stepped forward.

"I call Madame Fifi to the witness box..."
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Postby OZ_Nick on Thu Jul 20, 2006 10:17 pm

Oz_Nick quickly reached into his suspicious looking package and withrew a number of items which he placed in a small cloth bag. Quickly he rushed outside the courtroom and intercepted Madam Fifi as she was about to enter. A brief exchange of words was observed by several character witnesses wating to be called in DaveL's defense and Oz_Nick was seen to hand over the cloth bag. Oz_Nick Returned to the courtroom, followed shortly after by Madam Fif.

"Yer pardon Ma'am," Oz_nick explained, "Oi were, jest 'caught short' if yer please..."

Madam Fifi took her place in the witness box.

Baron Von Krakenstein leered at Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD and then turned to Madam Fifi. "You are the Madam Fifi who runs an establishment of negotiable effection in the Portsmouth area, are you not?"

Madam Fifi blushed then replied "Oui monsieur, je suis elle, that is, 'ow you say in Inglish, 'yes, I am she'"

The Baron asked "Please tell the court of your acquaintance with DaveL the defendant."

Madam Fifi replied "Monsieur, I 'ave never seen 'eem before in my life!" and gave DaveL a wink.

The courtroom erupted in laughter.

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD banged her gavel and shouted to be heard "Order in the court!." She missed DaveL blowing Madam Fifi a kiss in all the uproar.

Eventually the court settled down, Baron Von Krakenstein looking a bit non-plussed stood with his mouth agape. Eventually gathering himself together he turned to bench and said...

But before the Baron could utter a word Oz_Nick jumped to his feet "Objection Yer 'Onner! Me client is deeply offended by this cruel slur on his bad name. It is well knowen that 'e 'as a 'thing' for his sheeply teamates in the Chamions League. He is even considering taking out New Zealand citizenship. It a lie, a lie Oi sez..."

Oz_Nick's one good eye looked like it was about to burst from its socket, his face went purple and then suddenly he fell face first flat on the floor.
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Crown Court

Postby black bart on Fri Jul 21, 2006 7:05 am

Blow me if this aint better than "Crown Court"! :D
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Postby DaveL on Fri Jul 21, 2006 7:46 am

'YArrrr...

Oi luvs yer long time Fifi...oops (hic) sorry yer honour. No Oi's never seen 'er...ever...'
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Postby walktheplank on Fri Jul 21, 2006 10:18 am

Baron Von Krakenstein left his seat and walked around the courtroom stepping over the prone body of Oz_Nick.

"yer honour I can prove that Dave L knows Madame Fifi"

The court gasped

"I can prove that Dave L used to make Fish Head Stew long before Black Bart"

more gasps

"I can prove that Dave L was indeed a resident in New Zealand"

At this point chaos descended and a clearly upset Dave L had to be restrained from attacking Baron Von Krakenstein.

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD banged her gavel “Order Order, now Baron Von Krakenstein please present your evidenceâ€￾

“Yes yer honour, well years before she came to Portsmouth, Madame Fifi used to run a house of ill repute in Auckland. She employed a young chef by the name of Dave L who had stowed away from Sydney hoping for passage to America. Fifi needed a chef and Dave L needed a job so she employed Dave Lâ€￾

Baron Von Krakenstein took a deep breath before continuing

“I have a photo here that shows Dave L making Fish Head Stew in Fifi’s kitchen and…â€￾

But his words were cut off as a cutlass was hurled across the court by an enraged Dave L and caught Baron Von Krakenstein in the neck.
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