World Cup 2006: The Pirate National Soccer Team

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Postby OZ_Nick on Sun Jul 09, 2006 9:59 pm

Aaarggghhh!!

Looks loik the Fish 'Ead Stewe Concentrate hadn't been strained prop'ly and jammed up an actuator valve in one o' the tokomaks in me (MK4) thermo-nucleaaarrgghhh peg legs. Oi'll 'ave ter 'ave a few words wi' Bart about that after the game.

Anyway, Oi've managed ter strain the evil stuffe wiv a pair o' sock Oi found in the bottom o' me kit bag and Oi've refuelled up all clean loik. Should be foin fer the second 'alf.

bring em on!!!

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Postby E.Raser on Mon Jul 10, 2006 4:51 am

singidunum wrote:Aaaargh...

That wosn't a penalty, Thuram went for a doive there... And fell on me chainsaw...


Iran protests.
Italy won because has had an head on Matresses.
Iran wants an head too :mrgreen:
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Arf Toim

Postby black bart on Mon Jul 10, 2006 8:19 am

Is it arf toim yet me hearties...are we winning?

*Sound of Mobile Phone with terrible version o 'Blow the Man Down sung by Big Brenda' as ring tone*

Aye, aye, interesting...

So if remind Zidane about his wife's trip to Italy four years ago he might get a bit upset..HaR HAAARRRR...Cheers Roberto.
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Postby DaveL on Mon Jul 10, 2006 8:46 am

FIFA WORLD CUP FINAL: PIRATICA V FRANCE

2nd Half

45:00 A fight breaks out in the stands, when Black Spot starts remindin’ the French fans about the French performance in May 1940. Black Spot is knocked temporarily unconscious by a whole pumpkin, muttering something about the Maginot Line.

45:00 KICKOFF. France push forward down the left. Malouda gets inside DaveL and Alpaca but shoots wide.

49:00 Turnover in midfield as Griffin intercepts Makalele’s ball to Viera. Griffin hurdles 3 outstretched boots to set WalkthePlank off on a run. The cross is headed wide by Black Bart, who again complains about his hairdo bein’ messed up.

54:00 End to end stuff. Sir Francis’s hooligans set fire Il Divo and Toni Braxton singin some song about havin the ‘time of their lives’. Sir Francis is quoted sayin that the Pirates are indeed havin the time of their lives.

59:00 Zidane spot kick finds Thierry Henry at the far post. A musket ball from Teripie punctures the ball before it goes in.

64:00 Lovely play from Piratica as Singidunum’s deep ball finds Black Spot inside the box. Nice volley is saved by goalie Barthez. Black Spot is seen tampering with his water bottle.

66:00 Barthez is substituted due to ingesting Flaming Demon soup, which gave him the instant ‘runs’. Last seen heading for the nearest toilet.

74:00 A slight interlude as DaveL, Black Spot and WalkthePlank lead a re-enactment of the Battle of Waterloo. Several hundred horses and 30 artillery pieces are removed from the centre pitch. Black Bart plays Napoleon.

78:00 Zindane magic, dancing over Oz_Nicks outstretched pneumatics puts Riberry in on goal. Riberry is stopped when a Piratica supporter runs onto the pitch trying to put an eye patch on him, claiming ‘he’s a pirate, he’s a pirate’.

82:00 Play is again stopped as Black Spot, DaveL and WalkthePlank re-enact the D Day invasion. Several Germans are injured during the naval bombardment. Dr Otis Lansa gets injured by a Sherman tank.

90:00 The French continue to push forward, but the Piratica defence holds firm after 90 minutes. It’s looking like extra time will be needed to solved this blood bath.

YARRRR. It still be goal-less.
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Postby OZ_Nick on Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:30 am

Oi be thinkin DaveL, Black Spot an' Wlktheplank be doin a foine job wi' the re-enactments, but Oi thinks they'de be better goin fer a re-enactment of the battle of Agincourt.

Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more, and stop up the wall with our pirate dead. For in peace nothing so becomes a pirate as modest cussing and drunkenness, but when the horns of football blast in our ears then, imitate the action of the Cronin!
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Chocs

Postby black bart on Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:38 am

The Frenchies are offerin us Belgian Chocolate at the interval before Extra Time kicks off ... I'm very suspicious about this as the French can't stand the Belgians!

M...Must resist the Chocolate...Think of Fish Head Stew...Resist, Resist...
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Postby OZ_Nick on Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:44 am

Yarr, it's orroight Bart, Oi jest telled Big Brenda there was chocolate around and now there's no problem.

Anyone know why Big Brenda jest made a bee-line fer the heads?

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Postby OZ_Nick on Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:46 am

Yarr, oops! Just double posted. Oi must be 'avin a bit o trouble with me Portholes 2000 Professional.
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Portholes

Postby black bart on Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:12 pm

Looks loik I be avin some trouble with me portholes an all!!!! :?
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Postby walktheplank on Mon Jul 10, 2006 1:58 pm

FIFA WORLD CUP FINAL: PIRATICA V FRANCE (EXTRA TIME)

So with the teams level after 90 minutes of pulsating action, the destiny of the World Cup will be decided in the next 30 minutes with the potential for yet another penalty shoot out. Neither side make any changes as the game restarts.

91.12 Danger for Piratica as Henry races through the defence, however Oz_Nick spots the danger from 50 yards away and with a long stride from his one good leg catches up with Henry and hoofs the ball out of the ground.

94.01 The World Cup organisers receive a phone call from a Mr Olafson in Stockholm who claims that a world cup ball has fallen from the sky and broken his greenhouse.

97.22: Crowd trouble. Sir Francis Drake is facing a new threat as the French fans attack his army with a barrage of snails. Sir Francis Drake then opens up a huge pot and the smell of Fish Head stew wafts over the crowd.

99.55 With the spectators dieing in their thousands from the rancid smell of Fish Head Stew, Piratica go on the attack, a cross from Walk the Plank is met by the head of Black Bart who crashes the ball against the bar….The bar in question being situated two km away in downtown Berlin.

101.31. Dave L is seen having a debate with Henry on French Nuclear testing in the South Pacific. Henry being your typical thick footballer doesn’t even know where the South Pacific is.

104.17 A fine run by Ribery is brought to an abrupt end when the Black Spot rakes his cutlass down the back of his legs. Ribery falls to the floor crying in pain and is booked for diving by the referee.

105.00 It is still goalless as the first period of extra time comes to an end.

106.22 First chance of the 2nd half goes to Henry as a 30-yard screamer hits the top of the bar and bounces out of play. Seconds later a crunching tackle by Dave L leaves Henry in a heap on the pitch. The referee waves away the medics carrying stretchers and calls for a body bag.

109.22 Singidunum’s chainsaw misses its intended target of Makelele and it is Teripie requesting a replacement leg from the bench.

112.55 Suddenly Zidane in a moment of madness races up to Dr Otis Lansa and head butts him viciously. It is not clear what provoked the attack but Zidane was heard saying “I am not French my parents are Algerian, don’t you dare call me French, I have never eaten Frogs legs in my lifeâ€￾. However, Zidane’s reckless challenge on the Piratica goalkeeper catches Dr Otis Lansa on his Hook and rips a huge hole in Zidane’s head. The referee races up to what is left of Zidane and brandishes a red card.

116.38 Dave L goes up field for a rare Piratica corner, on his return he is furious to discover his supply of Rum has been pinched by Gallas. The hapless Gallas is then seen leaving the pitch in a body bag.

120.00 Extra Time ends in a 0-0 draw and the game goes to a Penalty shoot out, not before Vieira and Makelele are fed to the crocodiles by The Black Spot.

Before the Penalty Shoot out commences the surviving French players (4 of them) run off the pitch and out of the stadium chased by The Black Spot wielding an axe. FIFA then agree to the request made by the French Football Association that their players can be replaced by famous French people in the crowd. Gerard Depardieu is chosen as the goalkeeper and the selected penalty takers are Brigitte Bardou, Audrey Tautou, Michel Roux, Charles Aznavour and Jacques Chirac.

PENALTY SHOOT OUT

Piratica 0 France 0 – Walk the Plank’s hits his penalty inside the right hand post. Depardieu makes a fine diving stop with his nose and pushes it past the post

Piratica 0 France 0 – Brigitte Bardot picks up the ball to ensure that it is not made out of any living creature. The referee rules that as she has touched the ball it counts as a missed penalty.

Piratica 0 France 0 – Dave L crashes the ball over the bar, his attention distracted by Michel Roux and Black Bart arguing about the different methods of cooking Fish Head Stew.

Piratica 0 France 1 – Audrey Tautou scores in the corner not in the least bit distracted by a drunken Dave L attempting to look up her skirt.

Piratica 0 France 1 – Oz_Nick’s remaining peg leg gives away as he strikes the ball and the ball runs gently into the arms of Depardieu

Piratica 0 France 1 – Michel Roux still arguing with Black Bart about Fish Head stew refuses to kick the ball unless he is given better material to work with. The referee rules it as a miss.

Piratica 0 France 1 – The Black Spot tries his normal trick of trying to dribble the ball around the keeper, however Depardieu again gets his nose in the way to prevent the ball going into the goal.

Piratica 0 France 1 - Charles Aznavour’s penalty is as bad as his singing, his penalty flying over the top of the cross bar.

Piratica 1 France 1 – Swatopluk smacks the ball into the top corner and shows the rest of his team how to take a penalty.

Piratica 1 France 1 – The final penalty is taken by Jacques Chirac who approaches Dr Otis Lansa and hands him a brown evelope. Dr Otis Lansa then vacates the goal allowing Chirac to strike the ball into the empty net thus winning the World Cup for France.

So France have won the World Cup but the stench of corruption hangs in the air as putrid as Black Bart’s Fish head Stew. As Gerard Depardieu lifts the Jules Rimet trophy in the air a chorus of boos descends from the stands from the disappointed Piratica fans who at least had the satisfaction of wiping out 20’000 French Football fans.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Postby walktheplank on Mon Jul 10, 2006 2:05 pm

slight typo at the end of the penalty shoot-out, the final score is Piratica 1 France 2.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Postby Sir Francis Drake on Mon Jul 10, 2006 4:15 pm

It's okay, moits, they didn't get the REAL cup. Me boys stole it from the safe and reploiced it wif an imitation one. It'll toik about a week before the paint starts rubbing off. By then we ought to be far enough out to sea.

RUM FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!
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Postby E.Raser on Tue Jul 11, 2006 6:25 am

Sir Francis Drake wrote:It's okay, moits, they didn't get the REAL cup. Me boys stole it from the safe and reploiced it wif an imitation one. It'll toik about a week before the paint starts rubbing off. By then we ought to be far enough out to sea.

RUM FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!


Could be a wonderful work, if 2.000.000 of Romans welcome an imitation cup . :mrgreen:
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Postby walktheplank on Tue Jul 11, 2006 7:05 am

I be hearing that Piratica players were promised 100000 dubloons each for getting to the final. Well there is no sign of me money and the Black Spot and Dave L have disappeared, what is going on.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Postby E.Raser on Tue Jul 11, 2006 7:51 am

Sir Francis Drake wrote:It's okay, moits, they didn't get the REAL cup. Me boys stole it from the safe and reploiced it wif an imitation one. It'll toik about a week before the paint starts rubbing off. By then we ought to be far enough out to sea.




Being on the point of starting from University of Bologna a pullman of Goliardi armed by daggers.
A) if it is true that 2.000.000 of Romans celebrated the clonaid, they cut to you an hand,like Muzio Scevola
B) if is ti not true, they cut to you the tongue
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