World Cup 2006: The Pirate National Soccer Team

Arrr, I be a pirate!

Moderator: All Things Mods

World Cup 2006: The Pirate National Soccer Team

Postby DaveL on Tue May 09, 2006 8:06 am

YArrrrr...

Mateys, as yer all know the World Cup is comin' up real soon. The whole Universe is gettin real excited. Even the Flying Spaghetti Monster is getting his cable subscription upgraded and 'as been givin 'is X-Box a real workout.

FIFA think the FSM is so cool they've given 'Piratica' a special berth for the World Cup (Yipeeee!). The peg legged fans are descending on Germany now as we speak, flying the Jolly Roger with pride!

So given that we 'ave qualified, but we don't have a team yet, there are a few questions that need to be answered (quick...yarrrr really quick!)

1. What colours will we wear?

2. Who will be our star players?

3. What will the national anthem be?

4. What special advantages will we bring to the pitch?

5. What disadvantages will we possess?

6. Should Brazil just not even bother showin up?

So on the eve of the World Cup. It's time to start singin'

ARR-le ARR-le AR-le - ARle, AR-le

YArrrrr...does anyone 'ave FIFA 2006 BTW?
Manatee Singles

www.hotdugong.com
User avatar
DaveL
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4911
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 8:57 pm
Location: Van Diemens Land

metatarsal

Postby black bart on Tue May 09, 2006 8:11 am

Dave L wrote:

4. What special advantages will we bring to the pitch?


With out doubt one of our special advantages will be only having one leg...that's one less Metatarsal to break! :fsm_yarr:
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
User avatar
black bart
Resident Weevil
 
Posts: 25876
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
Location: London

Re: World Cup 2006: The Pirate National Soccer Team

Postby The Black Spot on Tue May 09, 2006 12:04 pm

DaveL wrote:1. What colours will we wear?

All players be wearin red an white spotted bandanas, black an white striped shirt, an raggy knee length trousers 'eld up wi' rope. Except fer the Captain o' course, who shall wear 'is usual regalia.

DaveL wrote:2. Who will be our star players?

Since Wayne Looney has splintered 'is peg leg, we may 'ave to rely on the services of Hatchet "No Prisoners" Madbastid. 'Ee be deadly in the box (an pretty much everywhere else).
User avatar
The Black Spot
Stripmeister
 
Posts: 2277
Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:55 pm
Location: England

Postby DaveL on Tue May 09, 2006 5:19 pm

National Anthem

'ows about a rousing hand-on-heart rendition of Blow the Man Down. That'll bring a tear to the eye. I vote for Brenda McTavish ter sing it! Good promotion for the new album.

Uniform

Oi was thinkin we should 'ave a skull and cross bones emblazoned on our chests. The skull should be replaced with a soccer ball. YArrrr...one of my crew members looks exactly like that...

Cute Fluffy Mascot

YArrrrr...Oi's forgot to add this one to the list. It should be hideously cute, so hideous that it's fate may be simlar to the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus - although what sicko's would eradicate sumthin so cute? :D
Manatee Singles

www.hotdugong.com
User avatar
DaveL
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4911
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 8:57 pm
Location: Van Diemens Land

Brazil

Postby black bart on Wed May 10, 2006 7:53 am

Dave L wrote:

6. Should Brazil just not even bother showin up?


Brazil will never make it to the finals...BOOOOOOOOM! HAR HAR HARRRRR! :fsm_yarr:

We'll let the Argies (that's how we refer to Argentina - no disrespect intended) get as far as their hotel in Bad Kaiserslautern before we kidnap em all and sell em off as cabin boys! :fsm_yarr:
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
User avatar
black bart
Resident Weevil
 
Posts: 25876
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
Location: London

Postby DaveL on Wed May 10, 2006 9:04 am

YArrrrr...

The local drunkards from the Dribbling Parrot Hotel 'ave organised a trial match at the local oval. O'ill ‘ave ter get the team sheet together. At this stage the squad for Piratica vs The Dribblin Parrot Hotel be lookin’ sumthin’ loike this:

Dr Otis Lansa - GK
Eraser – GK
Alpaca - RB
DaveL – RB
KC Observer CB
Swatopluk CB
Qwertyuiopasd CB
Miss Capellini LB
Tex LB
Griffin LM
Teripie LM
Meromorph CM
Tickle CM
Dead Poet CM
WalkThePlank RM
Duke – RM
Black Bart – F
Black Spot – F
Beagle – F

Coach: Auntie Dee Dee
Manager: Boris from Vladivostok $$$

YArrrrrr...we should romp the first game in...just fill the Dribblin Parrot Boys up with rum. Mind you our next trial match against a full strength Netherlands outfit might be slightly harder...well just a tad :? :? :?
Manatee Singles

www.hotdugong.com
User avatar
DaveL
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4911
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 8:57 pm
Location: Van Diemens Land

Hook shot

Postby black bart on Wed May 10, 2006 9:45 am

YYYAAARRR I be up for that...although the last time I played soccer I got a yellow card for hooking the ball!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
User avatar
black bart
Resident Weevil
 
Posts: 25876
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
Location: London

Postby walktheplank on Wed May 10, 2006 11:00 am

I be liking yer team Dave L but may I suggest some minor tactical changes.

Black Bart cannot be a forward, problem be he gets the ball and everytime he loses it.

The Black Spot he be a better defender as he is a hard scary varmint, no offence Spot.

Duke cannot be Right Midfield as e only as one leg, is left and that be a wooden one.

And please do not make Brenda the team physio.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
User avatar
walktheplank
Lumache Lieutenant
 
Posts: 585
Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:34 am

Postby The Black Spot on Wed May 10, 2006 1:08 pm

Match Report: Piratica vs The Dribblin Parrot Hotel

In a bold move, Piratica Coach Auntie Dee Dee employed a 6-7-5 formation. 'owever the referee said that only eleven be allowed on the pitch at once, so she reverted to a traditional 4-4-2 lineup:

...............................Dr Otis Lansa

DaveL(c).......Swatopluk.............Qwertyuiopasd...........Miss Capellini


Walktheplank.........Meromorph........ Dead Poet...........Griffin


..........................Beagle.................Black Bart



subs: E.Raser, Alpaca, KC Observer, Tex, Teripie, Tickle, Duke, The Black Spot



The game got off to a spirited start when a fight broke out during the coin toss, and six Piratica players received a yellow card before the kick off.

Kick off: Piratica 0 Dribblin Parrot 0

02.13 Team captain DaveL gets into the thick of the action early, with a sliding tackle on DPH's centre forward. Unfortunately, the ball was in the other half of the pitch. Yellow card.

06.12 Dead Poet's peg leg gets stuck in a divot, and he loses possession at the edge of the penalty area.

06.15 GOAL 0-1: Tremendous shot by DPH's attacking midfielder. Piratica's goalie Dr Otis Lansa gets a hook to it, but the (punctured) ball goes into the net.

06.16 Fight breaks out.

09.30 Defensive clearance by Qwertyuiopasd. Followed by offensive kick to knackers of DPH player when the ref's not looking.

09.32 Fight breaks out.

14.12 Swatopluk gets the ball in the six yard box and clears to Griffin. Griffin sends a 40 yard crossfield pass to Walktheplank who runs up the wing. Unfortunately, Walktheplank is a long distance runner and not a sprinter. He jogs up the field and is caught and dispossessed by 3 DPH players.

17.02 SENDING OFF: Meromorph receives straight red card for illegal use of the cutlass. Opposing player carried off on several stretchers.

23.06 Referee asks Auntie Dee Dee to substitute Dr Otis Lansa. His hook keeps puncturing the ball, and the ref's worried that there aren't enough footballs left to finish the game. E Raser comes on as goal keeper.

31.08 GOAL 1-1: Breaking from defense, Miss Capellini floats a ball to Beagle, who traps it with his crutch and delivers a brilliant cross to Black Bart who scores with a diving header. DPH protest that the ball went in off Bart's parrot and not his head, but the goal stands.

31.11 Fight breaks out. Sound of musket fire from the dug-out.

35.00 SUBSTITUTION: Duke replaces Walktheplank.

45.00 HALF TIME 1-1

47.00 RED CARD: Black Bart dismissed for poisoning DPH's half time oranges.


Second half to follow: unless someone else wants a go.
User avatar
The Black Spot
Stripmeister
 
Posts: 2277
Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:55 pm
Location: England

Postby Dr. Otis Lansa on Wed May 10, 2006 1:18 pm

In mOi defense, if the blaggarts 'ad let me keep me trapper an' blocker on, Oi'd never'd 'ad this problem.
Image
User avatar
Dr. Otis Lansa
Mystic of Meatball
 
Posts: 2426
Joined: Fri Sep 16, 2005 12:30 pm
Location: Canuckistan

Postby DaveL on Wed May 10, 2006 6:37 pm

YArrrrr...

Good commentary there Black Spot. Oi's hear the half-time talk in the dressing room wuz rather heated. Saw Auntie leavin the dug-out with a big smitin' stick. Looks like a big improvement comin up in the second half by Piratica.

The Dribblin Parrot boys appear to 'ave lotsa rum in their water bottles. Coach Honest John O'Grady was yellin somethin' about how the Pirates stole his sporty ships.

Should be an interestin' 2nd 'alf.
Manatee Singles

www.hotdugong.com
User avatar
DaveL
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4911
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 8:57 pm
Location: Van Diemens Land

Furious

Postby black bart on Wed May 10, 2006 6:44 pm

YYAARR I be furious about me sendin off - they all clearly dived after eatin the oranges!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
User avatar
black bart
Resident Weevil
 
Posts: 25876
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
Location: London

Postby walktheplank on Thu May 11, 2006 10:56 am

Match Report: Piratica vs The Dribblin Parrot Hotel (continued)

So it be half time and with the scores locked at 1-1, Auntie Dee Dee makes a tactical substitution. On comes The Black Spot to replace Dead Poet and add some aggression to the midfield. The team line up now is.

............................... Eraser

DaveL(c).......Swatopluk.............Qwertyuiopasd...........Miss Capellini


Duke. The Black Spot Griffin


..........................Beagle.................



subs: Alpaca, KC Observer, Tex, Teripie, Tickle,


The referee allows a request from DPH that Black Bart is allowed to return to the field of play as he is a greater asset to them whilst he is on the pitch. Griffin is substituted allowing Bart to go back on.

Kick off: Piratica 1 Dribblin Parrot 1

47.24 SENDING OFF: Black Spot is dismissed after the referee spotted an illegal object taken on to the field of play, namely a cannon.

47.25 An announcement is made over the loudspeakers for a replacement referee on account of Spot using his cutlass on the old (now late) referee.

49.54 Fight breaks out between the Managers.

55.16 GOAL 2-1: DPH make their 2 man advantage count converting a penalty awarded after Swatopluk was penalised for illegal use of his parrot.

59:40 Big Brenda the physio is called on after Duke went down after his wooden leg fell off. Before the physio arrived Duke makes a miraculous recovery albeit with one leg three foot shorter than the other.

62.12 Fight breaks out between the Physios, the DPH physio is crushed to death.

66.16 A fine sweeping movement by Piratica involving several players was ruined when Bart with the goal at his mercy and the ball at his feet inexplicably got lost in the penalty area and the danger was cleared by DPH

66.24. Bart is directed back to his own half by DPH in readiness for the goal kick

69.48. Attention is now drawn to the bench where Walk the Plank still angry about his first half substitution attacks Auntie Dee Dee. Big Brenda rushes to her manager's aid by sitting on Plank until the end of the game (or when he dies whatever happens first).

76.48 PENALTY for Piratica as Bart is brought down by a DPH defender on the half way line, the referee’s decision was influenced by Spot’s pistol against his head at time. However, Bart wastes another opportunity when his weak effort stopped 5 yards in front of the goal when it was then collected by the DPH goalkeeper.

81.12 It is down to 9 a side now as two DPH players are carried off, one of whom has had his arm removed by The Black Spot’s cutlass. Spot who had been sent off over half an hour ago was strangely still on the pitch.

84.12 Over 300 hundred die after rioting in the crowd where cannon fire is heard. The game continues

87.59 GOAL 2-2: Its all level again with a fine goal by Beagle who in a clash with the DPH goalkeeper appears to push the ball into the goal with his hook. Despite protests by DPH the goal stood.

90:00 The referee announces 10 minutes of extra time to account for the various stoppages in play.

97.26 DPH are now down to 5 players on the pitch after Spot gets busy again with his cutlass

99.59 GOAL 3-2 – A last minute winner for Piratica when a fine ball from Qwertyuiopasd sets Black Bart clear. Beagle sensing the danger shoots Bart in the back with his Pistol and races through to score the goal himself.

There’ll be no more time as the referee blows the whistle and Dave L leads his players off to collect the Piratical Shield.

Afterwards the remaining 5 DPH players are slain by The Black Spot
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
User avatar
walktheplank
Lumache Lieutenant
 
Posts: 585
Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:34 am

Lineker

Postby black bart on Thu May 11, 2006 11:52 am

Capn Gary L Iniker to Capn Al Hanson in the BBC AAARRRRGH studio:

Gary: YYYAARRRR a footy match don't get much more excitin than that Al...

Alan: Och ay but the defendin was attrocious.

Gary: Good use o the cutlas by Black Spot in Midfield, did that remind you of your Rangers days?

Alan: The Texas Rangers Och ay!

Gary: Ha Ha ...Lets see the replay on the Black Bart penalty - well Bart was clearly finishin off a Flagon of Rum as he went over - how do you see it Alan?

Alan: The way Black Spot whipped out his pistol and pointed it at the ref was magnificent - he had no choice but to give a penalty.

Gary: Well I think we both agree we've seen a bit of soccer history today -most deaths at a single match. Next week tune in for another match from the Premier Ship but tonight we wish Piratica good luck in their next round match against Nobbies Ninjas.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
User avatar
black bart
Resident Weevil
 
Posts: 25876
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
Location: London

Postby The Black Spot on Thu May 11, 2006 12:21 pm

Arrrr Cap'n DaveL,

do ye think there be any changes t' the squad afore the next match?

Do ye think we needs more steel in defense, an is our attack offensive enough?

After a match like that, I thinks we should all get down to the tavern an' celebrate.

Yarrrrr...
User avatar
The Black Spot
Stripmeister
 
Posts: 2277
Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:55 pm
Location: England

Next

Return to Pirate Discussion

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests