Iâ€™m a Pirate and I aint ashamed of it. But the day I walked into Portsmouth I could tell it was a bad town with a black heart. As I walked up the high street a dog came running out The Admiral Benbow Inn with a manâ€™s hand clenched in itâ€™s teeth! Still had a tankard of grog clutched in the dead podgy fingers!
Iâ€™ve seen plenty of bad things in my day so I walked into that Inn with my hand poised on my pistol. As I walked through the door, everything seemed to stop, including the music (some wretched old soak had been singin a tuneless rendition of â€˜Pirgella.â€™) I took in the scene through my cruelest narrow eyed stare. The blackest lookin rogues this side of hell stared back at me and the whole place stank of trouble, grog and bad pies!
I walked up to the bar and ordered some grog. It wasnâ€™t long before the bartender was telling me about the townâ€™s two feuding gangs. On one side there was the Black Spotâ€™s gang , known as â€˜Blackâ€™s Sevenâ€™ and on the other the â€˜El Rollosâ€™ a band of Spanish cutthroats who smoked Camberwell Carrots.
An idea came to me like a Flash of Gold in a Buccaneerâ€™s teeth. I could play the two gangs against each other, clean up the town and earn myself some booty in the process. I thanked the bartender for the information. He seemed like a decent enough kind of guy and I guessed there were other decent people living in this hell hole. I took a room upstairs.
The next day I introduced myself to the infamous Black Spot, offering my services as a hired gun. The wily Old Bastard was suspicious but I was introduced to the other members of Blackâ€™s Seven: Black Bart, the cook (offered me some foul smellin stew), Walktheplank, the barber (I figured he cut a lot more than hair), Dave ( I asked him if he had another name but he said he was The Man with No Name except Dave), Mad William (he really was mad), Pieces Oâ€™Nine (money laundering expert), and Capâ€™n Turtlehead (explosives expert).
â€˜We has a job for youâ€™, said The Black Spot, â€˜we wants you to kidnap Mayor Liversausage.â€™ Do this and weâ€™ll cut ye in for a slice of our action.
Now kidnapping aint my game, but on this occasion it turned out the Mayor was used to being chained up in a dark room...some might even say he enjoyed it! With Liversausage trussed up like a sack of potatoes, I delivered the ransom note to the Town Hall. 5,000 Cronans, Liversausage must be a pretty important guy and his people duly payed up. With the money being left in a bag on a ship in the docks, all I had to do now was let the El Rollos know and then sit back and watch the fireworks.
To be continued.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.