Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby bacon on Wed Jul 01, 2009 6:31 pm

here jacky boiy - oi haz a noice peanut in the oven fer ye ta see - take a close look
Get your bake on. Image

TwistedSister wrote:You can't go wrong with a side of Bacon on your side.........
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby black bart on Thu Jul 02, 2009 3:23 am

Arrrgh ye lubbers...hasn't anyone else got a far Fetched Annecdote ta tell us...a Far fetched story o the bathtub would do...somat ta read ta Nef Yoo when he be tucked up in his hammock.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard on Thu Jul 02, 2009 10:02 am

Da TAles oB da tAils

an da puddy ta has a noic tail
an unkl FArty has sum tales
an da woof woof doggy godda tail
an da bilj rat has a tail
an da story book has sum tales
yup yup yup !
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby black bart on Fri Jul 03, 2009 3:55 am

Nef Yoo BlackBeard wrote:Da TAles oB da tAils

an da puddy ta has a noic tail
an unkl FArty has sum tales
an da woof woof doggy godda tail
an da bilj rat has a tail
an da story book has sum tales
yup yup yup !


:cry: :cry: :cry:

I suppose I should be grateful it aint a song!
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby black bart on Wed Jul 29, 2009 6:20 am

The Black Beast

'Arrrr Ochhh aye the noo Cap'n', cried our lookout wee Jock McTweedle, 'We can nae go ashore ta get thee treasure!'

I asked him why the devil not and Jock said:

'Thar's a terrrrrible beast on that island, I've seen it through thee spy glass Cap'n...Tis The Black Beast...If we go ashore we'll all be DOOOOOOMED, DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!'

Knowing what Jock had been drinking I scoffed, grabbed the spyglass from him and focused in on the island where the Treasure lay buried. Sure enough there was the beast, it had the head of a cat, and the body of...a cat!

What was scary though was the beast's size...it was standing next to some coconut palms and some mud huts and by comparison it was clearly the size of a horse!

The crew were terrified of the beast but according to the map we'd brutally wrestled from some Spanish children the treasure was more than 250,000 Cronans!

I decided to lead by example, I sent a boat load of heavily armed men over to get the treasure whilst Jock and I watched from the ship. Soon the men began signaling us from the shore:

Approaching Beast from the South West...stop

Aaaaaaaaaaaagh...stop

Fell over a skeleton pointing way to treasure...stop

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh...stop

Money spider fell on First Mates head...stop

Tell the cabin boy I love him...stop

Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh...stop

Blimey, have captured beast and found treasure. On our way back...stop

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh, blast it...stop

Got socks wet gettin in boat...stop

The crew returned laden with treasure, we were RICH, RICH beyond our wildest dreams!

And the beast? The crew turned him out of a sack, he was a cute little black moggy kitten...it turned out one of the islanders had built a model village complete with tiny palm trees and he'd been standing next to it when Jock spied him.

How we laughed merrily as we shared out the treasure...The Black Beast...Jock went red in the face...well he was already red in the face actually.

Two days later the ship was eaten by a Giant Penguin!
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby TwistedSister on Wed Jul 29, 2009 12:16 pm

:lol:
* If evolution is just a theory, religion is just an opinion.
* You never know when I'll be watching.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby black bart on Wed Jul 29, 2009 1:02 pm

TwistedSister wrote::lol:


Yet again the story was inspired by Roy who posted a link about a Big Black cat sighting near his home in Scotland (I think it's in Current Affairs).
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby black bart on Mon Oct 05, 2009 7:04 am

Pride and Predjewdice and Halloween at thee Benbow.

Chapter One: it was a Dark and Stormy Night

Arrr it was a dark an stormy night when thee front door o thee Benbow Suddenly swung open wiv a crash!

Standin in thee doorway was a terrifyin sight...more terrible than Cap'n Cronan in a bad mood. A woman!

She was smartly dressed in a Regency style and surveying the bar with a glittering eye said:

'Is there anyone here called Darcy?

A young man dressed unconvincingly as a Pirate with a Rubber parrot stuck to his shoulder suddenly shot up out of his chair, spilling grog everywhere, and ran out the back entrance.

The rest of the Pirates looked at each other in bemusement and then looked at the young woman...Cap'n Blackleg spoke first:

"Arrgh...there be nobody called D'Arcy round these parts Miss...Frenchman is he?"

The woman burst into tears..."will no one marry me...I've been chasing Darcy for months...am I not fetching to the eye...do I not dance the Quadrille with grace and sophistication?"

Cap'n Slagface put his arm around the woman's shoulder's saying:

"Arrgh...poor thing come in and have a sip o grog and some vittles...be ye a young lady of means?" This said with a wink towards the other pirates...

Soon Elizabeth Bennett was seated next the roaring log fire with a steaming bowl of Fish Head Stew and a Tankard o rum. She felt much better especially when Cap'n Slicer offered to seek out Darcy for a modest sum of 500 dubloons...

"Arrrr I'll chase the blaggard from Portsmouth to Jamaica...I'll not see a fine young lady scorned!"

Elizabeth gazed at the impressive collection of Pirates around her, her bosom heaving from the effects of the stew, and said:

"I have several sisters you know...all of them at present unattached"

Cap'n Slagface turned to Cap'n Blackleg and said:

"This is the same dream we're having as the last toim we drank fourteen kegs o rum aint it?"

End of Chapter One.
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby black bart on Mon Oct 12, 2009 5:57 am

Pride and Predjewdice and Halloween at thee Benbow.

Chapter Two: Pianoforte and Pewter

Scene: The Admiral Benbow. Miss Bennett sits at the pianoforte and is entertaining the Pirates...

Oh Did you not hear My Lady
Go down the garden singing
Fa la la la la la
Faldaralay in the morning

Her dress was pink
Her mood was gay
With a Folderaydol
In the morning

Twas merrye May
When out she came
Like a dove from above
With a double barrel name

Singing hey nonny no in the morning

She's fit for a Duke
In her satin and chintzes
prepare to be dazzled
by the way that she minces

Oh fa la la la
folderay doodle
Singing hey nonny no in the morning...

two hours later...

Cap'n Slagface is restraining Cap'n Blackleg...'She's got ta go I tells ye...that pianyforty belongs in hell'

Cap'n Slagface in a whisper: Ave a care matey...thar be dubloons in this business if we plays our cards right...all we gotta do is find Darcy.

Cap'n Blackleg: Just let me smash thee piany a bit...

A ripple of polite applause breaks out as Miss Bennet finishes her recital...

Miss Bennett: thank you kind sirs and now I feel I must politely beg your leave to retire for the night...could someone kindly show me to my rooms?

*sounds of rats being hastily killed from above and an old pirate being thrown out into the street*

Cap'n Slicer: Arrrgh ye...er...rooms be ready me lady...500 Dubloons a night hincludin breakfast...kippers...unless we aven't got any kippers in which case ye'll ave kipper substitute.

Miss Bennett: Why thank you...my word it's past 9 of the clock! I must to bed without further discourse...that wholesome stew has made me quite weary. I shall dream of Darcy, pianoforte and one eyed men...

End of Chapter Two
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby DaveL on Mon Oct 12, 2009 8:28 pm

Fine start matey.

O'im getting all mushy readin this stuff!
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby Detective TurtleHolmes on Tue Oct 13, 2009 12:31 am

Yarharhar, oi be henjoyin' this varry much. Will tharr be sea monstarrs inna next hinstallment?
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby black bart on Tue Oct 13, 2009 3:40 am

Detective TurtleHolmes wrote:Yarharhar, oi be henjoyin' this varry much. Will tharr be sea monstarrs inna next hinstallment?


Without doubt...sea monsters and Hammer head sharks by the bucket load!

...and heaving bosoms of course!
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby Detective TurtleHolmes on Tue Oct 13, 2009 4:39 am

YAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!


Brillyunt!
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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby pieces o'nine on Mon Oct 19, 2009 10:58 pm

Yarrrgh, Bart, that be a novel novel! 'Ave ye finnished thee cuvver arrght yet?



Bye thee waye, heavin bosoms be awl verra foine, an awl, but us loyal wench reeders hex specks sum 'Reejentsy Pants' on thee Darcy care hacktor... :lech:

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Re: Far fetched anecdotes of the sea.

Postby DaveL on Tue Oct 20, 2009 3:39 am

YArrrrr...

Is that Busling Brian, try to sell that dear Lady a dodgy still pipe?
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