CHAPTER TWENTY : ONE KEG TO GO PLEASE
" HEY,HEY, HEY Mateys,"I cried out,"What about me?! Barkeep! Add on 5 more kegs of beer,A barrel of rum, 50 bottles of merlot,35 of the cabernet,10 of your finest brandy and 25 bottles of cherry!
All eyes within The Drunken Skunk that could turned to focus upon us.The silence was unnerving.
" Seems like a lot of alcohol for a two week trip", said Fabio.
"Capt. Lance sent us for provisions,his underwear will be on fire when he sees this haul."
"What about food ?",injected Steffano.
"Relax your collective scincters men,I'll handle Capt.Lance.Barkeep!Add a bottle of Chardonnay to the order!"
"When Lance sees that we actually got white wine for him he will pee himself silly".
I beamed at my companions,satisfied at my gesture at proper ettiquite,after all Lance was paying for all this.
"Besides i'm not gonna drink all of this,i need half for cooking",i explained,
"For example;beer for batter,wine for ragouts,brandy for flambe,and what do you think is in the secret marinate ? or the Holy Spaghetti Sauce?
I'm not drinking any water! I've had enough of running to the head!"
"Since i've been drinking alcohol I've nay been sick! Tis now my theory that there exists tiny critters and wee beasties feasting upon flesh and spirit resulting in all manner of ailments!
I shall expect your combined support when we get this stuff aboard"
A young lad,French by the cut of his cloth,approached the bar.
"Pardonez vous,mon sewer ,je m'appelle Loius Pasteur je..."
"Just a sec buddy,let me translate for my readers ok?"
"D'accord,err,i mean okay,Pardon me sir,i am called Louie Pasteur,I am intrigued by your theory of wee critters and beasties.By the FSM I shall abandon my prodigal ways,Have red wine at dinner and study dairy products.
My dear f(r)iends,who said the French were rude?
"Louie,mon jeune ami,you speak with the tongue of a true gentlemen.Just for that you may take my theory for yourself".
"Merci Mon sewer,that is thank you sir?
As we began transporting the booze i felt the future of humanity was secure when teenagers heed the words of wise elders such as humble self.
We made our way to the Queen.
As my shipmates feared, wisps of smoke drifted up from Capt. Lances britches until he saw the bottle of vino. It was smartly wrapped in a burgundy bag with gold lame at the mouth and matching drawstring.
"OH YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!", exclaimed Lance ,tears welling in his eyes,"We still need food".
"No problem Cap!There is stiill change from the 50 guineas ,prepare to make way ,I shall return in haste!
I quickly found an establishment suiting my taste and pulled the largest sack i could find. I managed to haggle with the shop owner and got all that candy for 8 shillings, 1 crown,4 pence and 3 farthings.It emptied the purse but all were pleased with the wide variety of confections.We had not the luxury of after dinner mints in many a new moon.
I did not concern myself with the nutritional aspects or lack thereof with my purchase since chemical additives were two centuries into the future.
However,as all manly men know ,we must have meat to maintain our manliness.
With this fact on my mind and pasta night looming we departed resolved in pillaging animals that would complement the merlot.
"Captain!Let us set sail for Madagascar and procure some more of them big homely birds."Yep, them Dodos may have a face that only their mothers may love but they are tasty.
Brethren and sisters, recipes for large fowl shall be revealed to all when i gasp in.....
CHAPTER TWENTYONE : Gasp!