Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Griffin on Sun Sep 11, 2011 11:26 pm

Dear Auntie Blackbird

This be a serious problem and needs a serious answer so Oi 'opes ye wont be givin me any o' your usual nonesence, (I dont knows why Oi write to ye at at cept one lives in 'ope)

Oi be cummmin up fer retirement and need somewhere dead cheep ter liv. I tryed out a Retired Pirate Colony but it were hell on earth (landlocked). It were full o' Pirates whinging about the food, and squabbling about what time to meditate. What Oi needs is a good place with weekly "Barnacle Bingo". Swashbuckling Songalong, Knit a Sailor, sessions ans the loike. Preferably where they pay ye to stay there.

Please 'elp.

Yrs Cap'n Heave Ho
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Mon Sep 12, 2011 9:10 am

Dear Cap'n Heave Oer thee Side

As I see it there be onlee one place fer a big fan of "Give Us a Clue" like yer good self to retire:

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Thankee yer welcome.
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Griffin on Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:04 pm

Dear Auntie Blackbird

Be that a real Rolex that man be wearin'?

Yours truly not

Cap'n Heave Ho
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby black bart on Tue Sep 13, 2011 5:49 am

Arrgh o course tis a real Rolex...that be none other than the direct descendent o King Louis Blairiot IV O France...

the exalted line goes thus:

King Louis Blairiot
Blaire Peach
Blair Blair Black Sheep
The Blaire Witch
Tony Blair
Lionel Blair
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby DavidH on Thu Sep 15, 2011 5:52 am

Aargh Griffin, Oi thinks ye wants to come and live near us in Yereford. It be a bit far from thee sea, but plundering Vikings rowed up here in the 10th century and there be plundering on thee Welsh border (Well there was until the 14th century).
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Roland Deschain on Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:04 am

Oi 'ave a bit of a problem with me pegleg limp. Oi've started to lose it! Oi've been walkin' abnormally for quoite a whoile now, an' am worryin' a bit about it. Do ye think that oi will get it back arter bein' on this 'ere board for a whoile? Oi'll be grateful to thee and will share some of me grog with thee if you can 'elp me back to me limpin' best.
Roland Deschain - Half prophet, half gunslinger, all Pastafarian!

"Since Alexander Pearce escaped, over 250 people have disappeared in the Tasmanian wilderness. No remains have ever been found." - Dying Breed
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby daftbeaker on Thu Sep 15, 2011 12:03 pm

Roland Deschain wrote:Oi 'ave a bit of a problem with me pegleg limp. Oi've started to lose it! Oi've been walkin' abnormally for quoite a whoile now, an' am worryin' a bit about it. Do ye think that oi will get it back arter bein' on this 'ere board for a whoile? Oi'll be grateful to thee and will share some of me grog with thee if you can 'elp me back to me limpin' best.

Ye'll foind that yer limp is mainly sykosermattic and if ye believes yer need ter limp then ye will. Until ye can regain yer limping confidens oi recommends smacking yer thigh wif a sturdy bit of wood. Ye'll have yer limp back in no toim :haha:

Fer a short term fix try stretching yer mussels down the bak o yer leg, then sitting on it fer arf an hour :idiot:
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything - Friedrich Nietzsche

But why is the rum gone?!
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby DavidH on Thu Sep 15, 2011 12:45 pm

daftbeaker wrote:Ye'll foind that yer limp is mainly sykosermattic and if ye believes yer need ter limp then ye will. Until ye can regain yer limping confidens oi recommends smacking yer thigh wif a sturdy bit of wood. Ye'll have yer limp back in no toim :haha:
Fer a short term fix try stretching yer mussels down the bak o yer leg, then sitting on it fer arf an hour :idiot:


Nah. Just put a razor blade in yer shoe. :scientist:
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Ravi Oli on Thu Sep 15, 2011 4:17 pm

^ ^^ ^^^ Iffin it be a new leg ye've haquired fer ye bord reeturn, Oi've found trimmin' a centameta or tuw orf thee bottom wilt garuntee thee desyerd limp.
Send lawyers, guns and money...
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby black bart on Tue Oct 18, 2011 5:18 am

Aye...but always be careful to dispose of thee severed limb carefully...ye don't want to end up loik this poor chap:

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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Sun Oct 30, 2011 5:21 pm

daftbeaker wrote:Dear Auntie Blackbeard,

I am pissed at 6pm. How do I fix this situation? More specifically, I enjoy getting drunk. How do I stop my family moaning at me when I'm rolling around on the floor?

Yours sincerely,

DB


Deer Cap'n Keep Away Frum Opin Flame ,

Alla mown en sech muss be frum ye kickin' em in thee shins !
Go roll abowt on thee fron' lawn !

*Ye'll notice thet gittin' furdur away frum ye relashuns thee lisser thee valyume offe derr carrion on en sech bekum*

yer welkum dearie , Anty BB XOX
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Sun Oct 30, 2011 5:27 pm

skyweir wrote:Dear Auntie BB, them oother pyrates kep mockin' me cause me ma put me i' a skirt... can ye put th' anty bullyin' p'lice onto em?


Deer Capin Well Vintillattid Unner Tharr ,

Ye b nu soze oil sind me price liss to ye forfwiff .
Thee Nest is alwaze thrild to 'ave nu cussamers !
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Sun Oct 30, 2011 5:36 pm

Roland Deschain wrote:Oi 'ave a bit of a problem with me pegleg limp. Oi've started to lose it! Oi've been walkin' abnormally for quoite a whoile now, an' am worryin' a bit about it. Do ye think that oi will get it back arter bein' on this 'ere board for a whoile? Oi'll be grateful to thee and will share some of me grog with thee if you can 'elp me back to me limpin' best.


Me Deer Cap'n Prollum Wiff Me Woode ,

Sowns ta me wot loikely ta be woode rot , ye bess leef bowf thee pegleg an yer stump in thee sun thru owt thee noon houres .

Wishin' ye goode lucke wiff thet gang greene , Anty BB xox ( fer wot ets wurf )
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Griffin on Thu Nov 17, 2011 2:23 am

Dear Auntie Blackbeetle

Oi be 'avin' issues wiv me personalitee. Oi keeps h'answerin' meself back. Shuld Oi seees a dokter?

Cap'n Heeve Ho
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Sun Nov 20, 2011 4:52 am

Me deer Capin Heeve hoes an' rakes ,

Oi duzint see eny prollum me dearie , ye be wiff goode kumpenny an ' ye gunna heer noice fings abowt yerseff oi wager .
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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