Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Wed May 18, 2011 7:15 am

Arr, I suggest a job share scheme.

That's how I got me job as the Agony Aunt, I entered into a job share with the old Agony Aunt and then I pushed her overboard...er...she fell overboard in a sudden squall.
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby black bart on Fri Jul 01, 2011 7:48 am

Dear Auntie

Please help. Me wife says our life life has gone to pot because I can't feel anything anymore...and there was something else...what the heck was it...

Oh yes, I am on fire!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby gronank on Fri Jul 01, 2011 1:22 pm

black bart wrote:Oh yes, I am on fire!

Ant ye woife disapproves?
Disclaimer: Anything I say on topics of Politics, Economics, Pychology, History, really anything not concerned with the natural sciences and mathematics and especially topics concerning human behavior and/or thoughts, that is not associated with a proper reference is pure speculation on my part.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Ravi Oli on Fri Jul 01, 2011 6:52 pm

black bart wrote:Dear Auntie
Oh yes, I am on fire!

Ye're allaways on fire ain't ye bart? :whistle:
Iffin ye mean literylly then Oi sez moind lightin' yer barbie when yer drinkin' Benbow Rum. Many a lad has lost 'is wiskas doin' jest that!
Send lawyers, guns and money...
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Roy Hunter on Sat Jul 02, 2011 1:33 pm

Dear Auntie P&Obeard,

I was planning on pillaging this ferry, but I've gone and left my cutlass in the car, and the crew won't let me back onto the car deck to get it. Health and Safety, apparently. Has the world gone mad?

Yarrrgh,

Roy.
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
"To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln.
"If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Tigger_the_Wing on Sat Jul 02, 2011 10:09 pm

You should've done what I did; I hid a couple of cutlasses in the wheels of my wheelchair. :evilgrin: :fsm_yarr:
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby daftbeaker on Sun Jul 03, 2011 1:41 pm

Dear Auntie Blackbeard,

I am pissed at 6pm. How do I fix this situation? More specifically, I enjoy getting drunk. How do I stop my family moaning at me when I'm rolling around on the floor?

Yours sincerely,

DB
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything - Friedrich Nietzsche

But why is the rum gone?!
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Roy Hunter on Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:33 pm

daftbeaker wrote:How do I stop my family moaning at me when I'm rolling around on the floor?
Tell them I made you do it. I had to stop drinking, so I'm getting drunk vicariously through you. You are 'channeling' my drunkenness.

Plus, you're partly Scottish. They are your family, blame them.
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
"To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln.
"If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.
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Roy Hunter
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby daftbeaker on Sun Jul 03, 2011 3:36 pm

Roy Hunter wrote:
daftbeaker wrote:How do I stop my family moaning at me when I'm rolling around on the floor?
Tell them I made you do it. I had to stop drinking, so I'm getting drunk vicariously through you. You are 'channeling' my drunkenness.

Plus, you're partly Scottish. They are your family, blame them.

Fecking family, if stopped fecking whining I wouldn't need to drink. It's not my fault, I just can't cope with the constant fecking complaining.

Is that close enough to jakey logic to pass? :idiot:
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything - Friedrich Nietzsche

But why is the rum gone?!
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Roy Hunter on Sun Jul 03, 2011 3:43 pm

daftbeaker wrote:Fecking family, if stopped fecking whining I wouldn't need to drink. It's not my fault, I just can't cope with the constant fecking complaining.

Is that close enough to jakey logic to pass? :idiot:
Flawless. You are a natural at this.

You're also my best buddy, you and me, we'll sort out the world so we will. Are you looking at my pint, ya English poof?
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
"To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln.
"If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.
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Roy Hunter
If it's not Scottish, it's crap.
 
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby daftbeaker on Sun Jul 03, 2011 4:43 pm

Roy Hunter wrote:
daftbeaker wrote:Fecking family, if stopped fecking whining I wouldn't need to drink. It's not my fault, I just can't cope with the constant fecking complaining.

Is that close enough to jakey logic to pass? :idiot:
Flawless. You are a natural at this.

You're also my best buddy, you and me, we'll sort out the world so we will. Are you looking at my pint, ya English poof?

Ah, shut yer face yer fecking haggis muncher, just cos I'm a sassenach doensae mean yeh can chat shite abut me :moon:

*falls over, vomits on carpet*
Eit - I dur apologeeis fur mekking this thred tuu much on the insulting the Scuttish and ignoring the fecking Welsh. Arseholes. Anyway, carry on with the assorted chibbings now I'm gone :moon:
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything - Friedrich Nietzsche

But why is the rum gone?!
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Tigger_the_Wing on Sun Jul 03, 2011 9:32 pm

Here's an appropriate song for you, DB! Image
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Mon Jul 04, 2011 5:46 am

Dear Black Bart

I do loik a nice simple problem.

I has sent round thee fire brigade to put out thee flames...a more macho lookin lot I never saw afore wiv their uniforms all made of leather held together with velcro...er...come to think of it they had a funny name for a fire brigade...thee Full Monty Brigade.

Still Mrs Bart will be impressed.
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard on Fri Jul 29, 2011 9:46 am

Hallo!
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby skyweir on Thu Sep 08, 2011 11:25 am

Dear Auntie BB, them oother pyrates kep mockin' me cause me ma put me i' a skirt... can ye put th' anty bullyin' p'lice onto em?
Vasco Pyjama asked Mr Curly: What is worth doing and what is worth having? Mr Curly replied: It is worth doing nothing and having a rest.
-- The Curly-Pyjama Letters
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