Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby black bart on Wed Dec 15, 2010 6:44 am

:furious:

I fink we needs a new Hagonee Aunt mateys...off thee plank wiv thee old bat!

Wait a mo...Aunty knows all that stuff about thee hincident in Jamaica wiv thee Govnor's daughters an thee mud bath...amongst uvver things :shocked:

:drinking: That's lovlee Aunty I shall hatend to me Kid's Knees at once...polish em up a bit loik fer hinspekshun.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Wed Dec 15, 2010 6:13 pm

Mad Willyum Bonney wrote:Arrrgh Anti Backbump !

Duz ye knowest wot yeer stinky nef yoo bin ep to !?
He be pesterin' passerbys in fron' ove thee Scurvy Dawg , offring up sips ove appel blud fer a farthin' eech !
Thee stuff smells loike piss !
Tastes loike et too !
Howeffer ye dont taste thet bad affer a wile.

Culd see iffin ye git thee wee blighter ta lower his price ?

yer effer luvin' Willy .


Deer Capin No Taste Buds ,

O' corse oi noes wot thee wee snot be doin !
Oi be thee harrrbourmaster taint oi !?
An 'e be doin a foine job , me treashore chess never bin so full of goodys ,an sum foine rotgut he bin perducing .

An ye have sum nerve arskin' fer a price slashin' !
Cut into me proffits will ye !
Well ye kin fergit bout it ! Now sod off afore a give ye a slashin' .

XOX , yer anty B
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby black bart on Thu Dec 16, 2010 7:10 am

Dear Auntie Blackpants

Can we ave yer permishun ta let nef Yoo join thee next stoodent protest against thee nasty coalishun's gyant Tuishan fees?

We be opin ta send Nef Yoo to thee hadvanced college of Buccaneering but wiv the rise in fees I will ave ta ransack thee hentire West Indies to pay for his keep.

Yours Sincerely

BB
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Ravi Oli on Wed Feb 09, 2011 9:28 am

Dear Auntie BlackMerkin
I 'eard young Nef bein' taunted by some scruffy street urchins t'other day.
" I'm a pirate! I'm a pirate! " 'e'd been proudly boastin'.
Them crewl lil buggers cried "Well if youse is a pirate wares ya buccanears."
Sharp as a tack Nef sez "On me buckin' 'ead... ya blind or sumthin'? "

BB aint just thinkin' 'bout beaches n crickit...
Be good fer Nef ta go to Buccaneering School wiv BB as chaperone of course an' I kin carry the luggage an' 'elp wiv the ransackin'...
Send lawyers, guns and money...
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Thu Feb 10, 2011 12:03 pm

Dear Ravi

If ye thinks I be goin to let that littl blaggard Nef Yoo loose on a Caribbean island I... :fsm_yarr:

Now I thinks on it, tis an hexellent plan matey...

We sails im to Barbados (an Black Bart whilst we're at it) an see if we can get a good price fer em at thee market.
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Ravi Oli on Thu Feb 10, 2011 4:58 pm

Auntie Blackbeard wrote:We sails im to Barbados (an Black Bart whilst we're at it) an see if we can get a good price fer em at thee market.


Arrrr I be reckonin' we'd be fetchin' a loverly bunch o' cocunuts fer the pair!
Send lawyers, guns and money...
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Thu Feb 17, 2011 7:03 am

I'd be appy to accept anyfing fer that pair o rascals.
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Tigger_the_Wing on Mon Mar 07, 2011 8:04 pm

Dear Auntie,

Oi be wonnerin' ifn ye haz a kewer fer lazee cabin boys. Me pair o' rascals be sleepin' in 'til paaarrrrst noon.

:furious:

Yaws sin sear lee,

Cap'n Tig.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Ubi Dubius on Tue Mar 08, 2011 12:04 am

Oim na' shore, butt oi think sheel say sumphin aboot lockin em inda bilge wif Nef Yoo!
Davros, Attorney and Pieces of Law
Keeping up appearances is a very important activity in religion; in fact, maintaining tattered illusions is its main activity. - Richard Wade, on Friendlyatheist.com
We make an idol of our fear and call it God. -Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Julius Aurora on Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:26 pm

Argh, 'tat be ar harsh torture fer nay'ar but lazee cabin boys.
1. The cosmos is a gigantic flywheel making 10,000 revolutions a minute.
2. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it.
3. Religion is the theory that the wheel was designed and set spinning to give him a ride.
- Henry Mencken

Diabolus fecit, ut id facerem!
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Ravi Oli on Fri Mar 11, 2011 5:48 am

Naarrrrr... best torcha 'ud be dippin' th' buggers 'and in a pitcha o' lukewarm water [or beer] as 'e slept.
E'd ne'r sleep late agin fer fear o' hexplainin' ta Mum why 'e was wantin ta change an' wash bed linen 'imself.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:30 pm

black bart wrote:Dear Auntie Blackpants

Can we ave yer permishun ta let nef Yoo join thee next stoodent protest against thee nasty coalishun's gyant Tuishan fees?

We be opin ta send Nef Yoo to thee hadvanced college of Buccaneering but wiv the rise in fees I will ave ta ransack thee hentire West Indies to pay for his keep.

Yours Sincerely

BB


ARGH!
Arr ye serryus Barfallymew !?
Haz ye fergottin' wot happind thee larst tyme oi sint Nef Yoo to London Towne ?
Thay still be blamin' Portsmuff fer thee Black Plague they sayest Nef Yoo brung wiff his rat frends !
And on toppa that , they be sayin' he dun burnt down most of thee smelly sitty as well .
Poor yung Nef Yoo wuz juss tryin to help .

So the ansir be NOE!
He taint goin' to London until they offer me more bounty fer his 'ead !


Ave a noice day , yer Anty B
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:42 pm

Tigger_the_Wing wrote:Dear Auntie,

Oi be wonnerin' ifn ye haz a kewer fer lazee cabin boys. Me pair o' rascals be sleepin' in 'til paaarrrrst noon.

:furious:

Yaws sin sear lee,

Cap'n Tig.


Me deer lassy ,

Lazee cabin boze ye say , sownds loike alla thee udder men folk in thee harrbour .
Well Cap'n Tig , ye mites as well sind thee wastin' wastrels over to thee Crow's Nest roight away .
Oi fink oil hafta give dem a taste of tuff Anty Bee luv startin' wiff thee cat o' nines an' end thee torchure sesshun wiff sum grate big Anty hugs an' kissus .

Hurry up me deery , yer anty be all wet wiff antissypayshun !


XOX yer ever akomydatin' Anty B
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby black bart on Tue Apr 19, 2011 5:46 am

Dear Auntie

I don't know wot's come over me lately but I've bin seriously thinkin o chuckin thee Pirate life in and becomin an Estate Agent in Richmond wiv 2.2 children an a dog called Spot, livin in a Semi wiv a garden and an allotment.

I aint discussed it wiv me crew cos I don't want to upset em, but I have sent them all on a Chartered Accountancy Evening class just in case.

Has ye got any elpful advice?
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Re: Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved

Postby Tigger_the_Wing on Sat May 14, 2011 2:11 am

Dear Auntie,

I don't know what's come over me lately, but I'm an Estate Agent in Richmond with 2.2 children and a dog called Spot, living in a Semi with a garden and an allotment, who is seriously thinking of chucking it in and becoming a pirate.

I haven't discussed it with my family as I don't want to upset them, but I have sent them all on a pillaging, drinking and fish-head-stew-making evening class just in case.

Do you have any helpful advice?
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