all this talk about dentists an anaethesia got me thinking, so I went an had a chat wi' me ship's surgeon.
"'Ow does ye avoid trauma durin' an amputation?" I asked him.
"Make sure ye don't get yer fingers in the way of the saw," he said.
'Twere an old joke, even in the 17th century.
"so, if ye has to cut a limb off," I asked him, "how do ye stop it hurtin' the patient too much?"
"Bah!" he said. "Most o' the swabs don't deserve it. I remembers cutting off the leg of a young second officer a few years ago. Nasty brute he was. Swearing and shouting, stinking of rum... I took an instant dislike to him. I made sure that I took my time with that one -- I used me bluntest saw on 'im. Actually Captain, he looked a bit like you. Younger, and without a beard, but there's a definate resembl..."
'Ee looked at me, then looked down at me stump. I looked at 'im and picked up me cutlass.
Oh well, I'll put another "help wanted" card in the newsagent's window tomorrow.