Pirates and Equal Opportunities

[beagle]

And his support of the majikal weapons that shoots repeatedly without any thought or aim is a disgrace.

Yer's bein controversial Auntie, yers never knows when the evil redcoats might try a-comin back, and them Canadians are tryin to lull yers into a false sense of security with all that peaceful, tolerant society stuff; they'll be in back in Detroit while yer still reloadin.

[beagle]

Hells Bells, I taught fourth and seventh grade, I fear NOTHING!!

Arr, it would be a brave young-un as told you the dog ate his homework.

[The Black Spot]

Arr, half me crew's like that. I's been putting in a training scheme so that they's don't all kill emselves before they make me rich. So fars it covers:

Musket use (an armed to the teeth crew is a polite crew)
Knife throwin
Riggin jumpin
Plank walkin
Assertiveness trainin
Bluffin
Mutiny an treason
Drinkin
Wenchin
Care and feeding of parrots
Grand theft, galleon
Anger mismanagement
Mapmaking
Advanced English (writing a cross or thumbprint)
Advance communication skills (Yarrin and Arrrin)
Advanced liein, cheatin, killin und thievin

It be loosely based on "Ethical guidelines for Conservative parliamentary candidates", but I feels as there might be subjects missing

Arrr, I be sending me crew to night school as well. They be doing

Higher Mathematics (dubloon counting)
Archaeology (digging for treasure)
Metalwork (Hook making)
Chemistry (mixing black powder for the cannons)
Woodwork (fixing the damage caused by the chemistry lessons)

I tell 'ee, this 'ere pirating be a fine life for an academic.

[beagle]

Arrr, I be sending me crew to night school as well. They be doing ....
Higher Mathematics (dubloon counting) ...

I's not so sure about that one chum. When' you's a divvying up the spoils you don't wants some ungrateful varmint a questionin your rithmetic.

I tell 'ee, this 'ere pirating be a fine life for an academic.

Arr, that be where half me crew came from. For learning treachery, backstabbing and thieving there be no better background.

[black bart]

Higher Mathematics (dubloon counting)
Archaeology (digging for treasure)
Metalwork (Hook making)
Chemistry (mixing black powder for the cannons)
Woodwork (fixing the damage caused by the chemistry lessons)

Don't ye mean AAAAAARRRRRchaeology there matey?

I be training me crew how ter scream properly when I be administering that there corporial punishment. They may be AAARRRRcademics but they can still take a good thrashing! As fer myself the only academic stuff I know is from this ere discussion. I've learned about Tuskless elephants, theology, zooology and the fact that Sweden is moving to Israel! Anyone know how to avoid paying tax on yer treasure?

[The Black Spot]

Anyone know how to avoid paying tax on yer treasure?

Aye, shipmate. Bury it good and deep - in the same hole as ye plant that blackguard of a taxman.

[beagle]

Anyone know how to avoid paying tax on yer treasure?

Aye, shipmate. Bury it good and deep - in the same hole as ye plant that blackguard of a taxman.

That be good advice. I used ter keepy mine in a Swiss bank but it was devil to get to, what wiv being landlocked an all. Them Swiss be an unostentatious lot, and lugging a treasure chest through Basle in full regalia drew unwanted attention.

Tropical islands be far better, if yer can find one that's not covered in pop stars or airline chiefs. The problem be burying the stuff. If yer's any good it will be a big heavy chest which needs a crew to a-carry it, and a big hole to drop it in. Now obviously yer crews totally loyal, but just to avoid em the embarassment of temptation, it's best if they only accompanies you on the outward leg of yer journey; so you'll be needin an extra five or six holes. I usually tell's em as I's worried about scurvy and that we's planting orange trees.
Finally yer needs a good map. The old parchment with cross will do, but what with one island looking like another yer best to go for having the GPS coordinates tattooed on yer parrot as well.
It be best not to leave yer treasure in one place too long, or when you comes back yous find some varmint built a timeshare over it.

[The Black Spot]

Tropical islands be far better, if yer can find one that's not covered in pop stars or airline chiefs.

Arr, ye be right here. Gettin' harder all the time to find an unoccupied island - damn plutocrats everywhere. Do ye think it be mere coincidence that Richard Branson looks like ol' Ben Gunn?

[ernst rohm]

I'll be suspectin' that a commandin' voice and a raised Auntie eyebrow will stop them flat out.

Works on Houston cops and Fort Hood MPs, so i'm not askeert of a few redcoats or Canadians.

Hells Bells, I taught fourth and seventh grade, I fear NOTHING!! But it damn sure fears me.

arrrgh... i subbed fer 6th and 7th grade science taday... i'm not sayin the yungins deserved a keelhaulin' but that least the threat of a public floggin might have been a helpful tool in keepin the wee blighters on task.

[beagle]

Do ye think it be mere coincidence that Richard Branson looks like ol' Ben Gunn?

This be how Stevenson described him:

"His skin, wherever it was exposed, was burnt by the sun; even his lips were black; and his fair eyes looked quite startling in so dark a face. Of all the beggar-men that I had seen or fancied, he was the chief for raggedness. He was clothed with tatters of old ships' canvas and old sea cloth; and this extraordinary patchwork was all held together by a system of of the most various and incongruous fastenings, brass buttons, bits of stick, and loops of tarry gaskin."

I couldn't be findin his description of Gunn.

[black bart]

Code: Select all

Do ye think it be mere coincidence that Richard Branson looks like ol' Ben Gunn?

I've heard, me hearties, that that there Branson is named after the famous pickle...pickle goes with cheese and Ben Gunn was always hankering after a lump o cheese when he got marooned...good evidence thar me hearties.

[beagle]

Ben's bother Tommy were part of me crew once. Kept goin off on is own though.

[beagle]

i subbed fer 6th and 7th grade science taday...

Fer the benefit of us unedificated foreigners, what age be that matey?
Have ee tried dosing their rum wiv that there Ritalin? Works for me on Manic Mike.

[The Black Spot]

ernst rohm wrote:
i subbed fer 6th and 7th grade science taday...

Arr, well me own schooling is pretty 7th rate as well. The only good number cruncher I has in me crew is Ol' Isaac, me chief gunner.

Tis a joy to watch him scribbling down calculus in the heat of battle as 'ee calculates the trajectories of the cannon balls.

[ernst rohm]

i subbed fer 6th and 7th grade science taday...

Fer the benefit of us unedificated foreigners, what age be that matey?
Have ee tried dosing their rum wiv that there Ritalin? Works for me on Manic Mike.

somewhere between 11 and 13, much like a tribe of vicious howler monkeys they be, granted still small enough to be intimidated individually, but in packs they can overcome the fiercest water dawg if ya obey the rules and leave you cultlass and pistols aboard ship.