pieces o'nine wrote:
The Magnifying Glass
Detective TurtleHolmes wrote:... Well, this wun toime, aboard me ship The Magnifying Glass, oi came across a wee little island town orf the coast o' Sardinia. As was the style ove the toime, we lay waste to it wit' our cannons an' whatnot. ...
? Wen did ye get a newe shippe, DTH? Wotevvir appent t'yer old shippe, "Full As A Boot"? Seemes loike theyre be thee makins ov a long winded tail ov thee hoshun...Hunless...ye lost hit in sum hem bearassin' carrrd gayme ... oar t'paye me --erm-- *yer* bar tabbe ... oar on accownt ov yer bein' too drunk t'steer strait, or sumfink?
Yarr, it 'twas a moonless noight, an' oi was sailin' me preeveeyous ship, 'Full As A Boot', arownd Crete wen wunna dem blasted Navy ships was spottid on the horoizin!
Ove course, bein' a pirate an' wot, oi awdered me crew ta give chase, an' they leapt ta attenshin loike good little crewmates.
Needless ta say, we chased 'em alla the way onta Bananahawk reef, wharr we bowf got ruined. Bowf ove owr keels warr splintarred an' watarr was gushin' in froo the hull, so oi grabbed me favrite cabin bouy an' leapt o'erboard!
Oi dunno whut hairpinned ta the rest o' me crew, but Bouyant Jake was a very good cabin boy, bein' hugely o'erwait an' fulla hot air. So oi thatched a baskit tagether outta seaweed, same wit sum ropes, an' oi let 'im go orn an orn aboot his love loife, an' evenshooally we took orf!
We road the currants fer a good week oar two afore settin doon in Portsmouth. We coulda set doon in Yorkshire, but noboddy wants ta go ta Yorkshire, not e'en the blaggards that live tharr!
It was pretty humdrum aftarr that. Oi had a few dubloons left in me bank, so oi bort a new ship, this wun wit' a big fold-out magnifyin' glass on the bow, fer use in burnin' me waye froo reefs an' boats 'n that, ye knoe? (Playbilge catalogue, June 1775 edishin)
Argh, an' oi stabbed alla dose Navy blokes inna fork wit' me cutlass, soes dey won't be back!