Career advice for the little blaggards

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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby Detective TurtleHolmes on Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:58 am

PantyGnawer wrote:
pieces o'nine wrote:Fer wot hits werf, Inner Child, DTH's granny dint rilly giv'im a sabre. She giv'im a spork an he dint no thee diffrints huntil 'e henrolled in thee Portsmouth Pyrate Publicke High School.


They dain't lern em nuthin. Eee were ina PPPHS "slow program". Ya no "ridin tha short skooner".

Thay di int teech em about a cutlas. Thay just clipped the sharp points off is spork and taut im tah fence wit it.

An' darned good oi is wit it too! Slit a man's froat at two inches, oi kin!

(An whut kin ye say, PG, ye warr inna same class as me! (Hexcept Teacharr gave ye a crab claw instead!))
A flap of the wings yesterday means big changes tomorrow.
Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.

So yeah, I went and got a blog.
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby PantyGnawer on Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:07 am

Detective TurtleHolmes wrote:
PantyGnawer wrote:
pieces o'nine wrote:Fer wot hits werf, Inner Child, DTH's granny dint rilly giv'im a sabre. She giv'im a spork an he dint no thee diffrints huntil 'e henrolled in thee Portsmouth Pyrate Publicke High School.


They dain't lern em nuthin. Eee were ina PPPHS "slow program". Ya no "ridin tha short skooner".

Thay di int teech em about a cutlas. Thay just clipped the sharp points off is spork and taut im tah fence wit it.

An' darned good oi is wit it too! Slit a man's froat at two inches, oi kin!

(An whut kin ye say, PG, ye warr inna same class as me! (Hexcept Teacharr gave ye a crab claw instead!))


I wooda grajiated frum tha slow program iffin oi haint been coppee hin hoffa yer paperz oil that toime!

Hand as Oi re calls oi thwomped yer and yer pointless spork man ee a toime wif me crab claw uf just is!
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby DaveL on Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:28 am

YArrrr...

I love to tell the little blaggards a few stories about me high seas expolits. Well maybe only the ones that rate PG 15+, which doesn't leave too many.
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby Detective TurtleHolmes on Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:41 am

PantyGnawer wrote:I wooda grajiated frum tha slow program iffin oi haint been coppee hin hoffa yer paperz oil that toime!
Arr, that was coz oi was copeehin orf Wee Jimlad!

PantyGnawer wrote:Hand as Oi re calls oi thwomped yer and yer pointless spork man ee a toime wif me crab claw uf just is!
Arr, onlee coz ye was playin' fair, ye schemin' blaggard!


Tails ove thee sea, tails ove the sea... arr! Oi gots wun!

Well, this wun toime, aboard me ship The Magnifying Glass, oi came across a wee little island town orf the coast o' Sardinia. As was the style ove the toime, we lay waste to it wit' our cannons an' whatnot.

But it weren't doin' much good, an' we yoosed a lotta cannonballs!
So, we sailed inna bit closer, an whut did we foind thee island was? It was Big Brenda, out fer a swim! The cannonballs warr jus' bouncin' orf 'er rubbery skin, ye see. We couldnae dun damage ta Big Brenda iffen they warr pointy cannonballs!

So we aphol-hog-ised, an' she sent us on our waye wit' a letter we had ta give our Mams, an' boy did they give me an' me crew a thrashin'!
A flap of the wings yesterday means big changes tomorrow.
Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.

So yeah, I went and got a blog.
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:45 am

OOoooh, a luverly tale, Dethecktyve. Oi dain't beleeve whut ye sed about young Wee Jimlad, he's much too noice o' a boy ta be dumb. Why, oi razed 'im from when he was a wee egg!

Inner Child wrote:'ere should be special courses teaching us beginners how to tell a schiavona frem a cutlass. 'ere ain't even a word fer cutlass in me native language. In culture 'tis coded that a poirate uses a rapier.
Any oideas on 'ow to persuade ye ol' folks frem giving ye a sabre?
Argh, dearie, jus' go up ta 'em noicelly, talk quietlee an' carry a big stick!
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby black bart on Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:54 am

Bloody Hell...Sporks, Crab Claws, Bouncin Canon Balls orf o Big Brenda!

Yew lot are a roight shower an ye needs ta enroll in me Piracy Course himmediately.

ps I would happear to ave sprouted a new hand in that poster...well spotted Dan...ye can go straight through to Module 4:

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The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby pieces o'nine on Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:09 pm

Detective TurtleHolmes wrote:... Well, this wun toime, aboard me ship The Magnifying Glass, oi came across a wee little island town orf the coast o' Sardinia. As was the style ove the toime, we lay waste to it wit' our cannons an' whatnot. ...


The Magnifying Glass? Wen did ye get a newe shippe, DTH? Wotevvir appent t'yer old shippe, "Full As A Boot"? Seemes loike theyre be thee makins ov a long winded tail ov thee hoshun...

Hunless...ye lost hit in sum hem bearassin' carrrd gayme ... oar t'paye me --erm-- *yer* bar tabbe ... oar on accownt ov yer bein' too drunk t'steer strait, or sumfink?
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby Detective TurtleHolmes on Tue Jan 20, 2009 6:25 pm

pieces o'nine wrote:
Detective TurtleHolmes wrote:... Well, this wun toime, aboard me ship The Magnifying Glass, oi came across a wee little island town orf the coast o' Sardinia. As was the style ove the toime, we lay waste to it wit' our cannons an' whatnot. ...


The Magnifying Glass? Wen did ye get a newe shippe, DTH? Wotevvir appent t'yer old shippe, "Full As A Boot"? Seemes loike theyre be thee makins ov a long winded tail ov thee hoshun...

Hunless...ye lost hit in sum hem bearassin' carrrd gayme ... oar t'paye me --erm-- *yer* bar tabbe ... oar on accownt ov yer bein' too drunk t'steer strait, or sumfink?

Yarr, it 'twas a moonless noight, an' oi was sailin' me preeveeyous ship, 'Full As A Boot', arownd Crete wen wunna dem blasted Navy ships was spottid on the horoizin!

Ove course, bein' a pirate an' wot, oi awdered me crew ta give chase, an' they leapt ta attenshin loike good little crewmates.

Needless ta say, we chased 'em alla the way onta Bananahawk reef, wharr we bowf got ruined. Bowf ove owr keels warr splintarred an' watarr was gushin' in froo the hull, so oi grabbed me favrite cabin bouy an' leapt o'erboard!

Oi dunno whut hairpinned ta the rest o' me crew, but Bouyant Jake was a very good cabin boy, bein' hugely o'erwait an' fulla hot air. So oi thatched a baskit tagether outta seaweed, same wit sum ropes, an' oi let 'im go orn an orn aboot his love loife, an' evenshooally we took orf!

We road the currants fer a good week oar two afore settin doon in Portsmouth. We coulda set doon in Yorkshire, but noboddy wants ta go ta Yorkshire, not e'en the blaggards that live tharr!

It was pretty humdrum aftarr that. Oi had a few dubloons left in me bank, so oi bort a new ship, this wun wit' a big fold-out magnifyin' glass on the bow, fer use in burnin' me waye froo reefs an' boats 'n that, ye knoe? (Playbilge catalogue, June 1775 edishin)

Argh, an' oi stabbed alla dose Navy blokes inna fork wit' me cutlass, soes dey won't be back!
A flap of the wings yesterday means big changes tomorrow.
Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.

So yeah, I went and got a blog.
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby PantyGnawer on Tue Jan 20, 2009 7:52 pm

DaveL wrote:YArrrr...

I love to tell the little blaggards a few stories about me high seas expolits. Well maybe only the ones that rate PG 15+, which doesn't leave too many.


Whoi arrr these little blaggards rating ME in the first place, and whut does hit meen win Oi gets better n 15?
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby DaveL on Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:44 pm

YArrrr...

It be a Oz cinema classification matey, which tends to get used for all stories which tend to get wicked.

Movies (or stories) start to get a bit saucy from PG15+ up to R and X rated. The latter usually involves the raincoat brigade, down at the Portsmouth theatre, of which Oi have no knowledge about, whatsoever. :D
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby pieces o'nine on Tue Jan 20, 2009 10:01 pm

PantyGnawer wrote:
DaveL wrote:YArrrr...

I love to tell the little blaggards a few stories about me high seas expolits. Well maybe only the ones that rate PG 15+, which doesn't leave too many.


Whoi arrr these little blaggards rating ME in the first place, and whut does hit meen win Oi gets better n 15?


Oi finks as ye cood yoose this in sum roll-playin gayme, PG.
"I cast a 'PG +15' to repel the feersum monster wots had vansin hupon us!"
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby black bart on Thu Jan 22, 2009 6:14 am

Arrrrgh...the blaggard be only fit fer rating undies!
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby PantyGnawer on Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:18 am

black bart wrote:Arrrrgh...the blaggard be only fit fer rating undies!


Ayyy, but oi kin halso Read undies.

Send me yer drawers and two cronans and Oil tell ye yer future!
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby black bart on Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:29 am

PantyGnawer wrote:
black bart wrote:Arrrrgh...the blaggard be only fit fer rating undies!


Ayyy, but oi kin halso Read undies.

Send me yer drawers and two cronans and Oil tell ye yer future!


Aaarrgh...it's a deal matey...can ye give em a good clean afore ye sends em back.

ps. If it's bad news regardin me next encounter wiv a shark or somat...could there be any source o doubt in readin so many stains at once?
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Re: Career advice for the little blaggards

Postby Cabin Wench on Thu Jan 22, 2009 6:06 pm

When contemplatin' th' supply of suitable parrots it be important not to run along side o' certain scurvy bilge rats as might entice a bird with false promises of parrot Nookie!
See the warning at :
http://www.anorak.co.uk/forums/topic.php?id=2740
Even the most loyal of birds might mutiny- unless of course glued to the shoulder-in which case they are probably safe- if messy.
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