Public cremation funerals?

[PantyGnawer]

Moe was hit by a car last night and died instantly. It was 10 minutes before I got home. My good friend and neighbor Drew (who is a 6 5 gigantor) saw it happen. The dude that hit her was another neighbor that I don't know. The dickhead didn't even stop. He parked his car and was going into his house when Drew confronted him about it.(Despite Drew's musclebound manly exterior he has a softspot and loved Moe as much as I) He said "What? Its just a cat." It took all of Drew's restraint to not beat the living shit out him.

I was and am devastated. I dealt with it by getting drunk, setting a bonfire in our firepit, and playing a few rounds of this ninja star throwing game we created, with another neighbor. He went to bed around 1 am and I drunkenly got the idea that I would cremate her.

I dragged the fire pit (essentially a large metal wok) over to the empty lot next door so as to not offend the neighbors with the smell and all my blubbering. I got the fire as large and hot as I could. And...... I did it.

She was in a large shoebox (Drew's size 16s) so I couldn't see the details. Which was good. I wanted her to be completely consumed, which took til about sunrise. I spent about 5 hours staring at a fire, drinking, and just completely wailing and blubbering with a stream of snot hanging from my face. I'm not sure of which of the details I'm more surprised of that no one called the cops for: the huge fire, the amount of smoke, or the wailing I created until the wee hours of the morning.

Yet, it worked out well. She was consumed, I never noticed a smell, I got amazingly drunk (pissed the bed later), and said goodbye to a great friend! The cremation turned out to be quite a cathartic experience. Way more than just digging a hole. I see why this was popular for thousands of years.

I'm guessing that not everyone would have the same feelings about this prospect. I told my mom and she sounded shocked. She insisted that this had to be harder on me than just burying her. I disagree. I did cry more than I have ever cried in my life (when I awoke today I could barely open my eyes cause they were so swollen.), but they say that crying is good for dealing with things like this.

I've said for a while that I want a Green Burial when I die (no embalming), and I've never seen a point to normal cremation. But now I can imagine that seeing the physical destruction of a body might be one of the best ways of coming to terms with the finality of death. It is closure to its ultimate extreme. Normal funerals just take the body out of your view. Every funeral I've ever been to doesn't even include putting the body into the ground.

After last nights experience, my new "ultimate funeral" is one where everyone parties around a bonfire that is consuming my mortal (thats all there is but is sounds pretty profound) remains.

So my question is: what do you all think of this prospect for humans? Could this be socially acceptable (like I care). For the Ubi's: what are the legal wrangles?

As if I hadn't cried enough, I went to Moe's video so that I could link it here and I noticed that the last commenter was St. JTB. The watersnotfall erupted again! Damn!

[Tigger_the_Wing]

Poor PG. Losing a pet hurts more than non-pet owners can understand. And it brings out grief for past losses too.

I'm glad that you found a way to say goodbye to her that meant the most to you.

That is the whole point of a funeral, isn't it? It is for the comfort of the bereaved. Do not trouble yourself with the details of your own funeral. I hope it won't be for many decades yet! You could change your mind a dozen times or more between now and then; and it will still be up to the people who are left behind.

[TwistedSister]

Oh PG, I'm so, so sorry...............
Now I want to cry.


I hope the A-hole that hit her gets festering boils on his genitals.

[bacon]

i'm so sorry to hear of your loss pg
take heart in knowing that moe is now dancing around a volcano flowing with cream and has many kitty strippers to entertain him

the funeral service is a time to come to terms with the passing of a loved one and it seems that the way you did it was the perfect way for you
as for your own wishes - i wouldn't spend too much time thinking about it, but if you have a specific way that you would like your funeral to proceed, be sure that you not only put in your wil,l but also talk with those closest with you so that they understand the importance

[KC Observer]

PG - I am so very sorry to learn of Mo's demise. I lost my my beautiful Ming in September and it still hurts.

What made it worse is that I was here in Texas and my wife and daughter had to put her down.

Stay away from your AH neighbor; you may wind up being charged with assault. We don't want you to wind up in jail even though one could argue that tiwould have been justifiable.

It's good that you have video of Mo. In the time to come I think that it will provide some comfort to you. TtW is right; those without pets cannot know the bond that exists between pet and the one that the pet owns. Make no mistake; Mo wasn't yours, you were his. Take care out friend.

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

That really stinks, PG. It always hurts to say goodbye to a friend. We are getting ready to say goodbye to Joey soon, he is on his last legs with intestinal cancer.

The crematorium we use allows attended cremations - you can be there by the oven and chant, beat a drum, cry hysterically, whatever you like. I suppose your method is a bit more public, but it really only matters how you and any others of Moe's close friends feel about that.

I thought I saw Harry's ghost today - Harry was an FIV-positive Norwegian Forest Cat we had for about ten years, he died about two years ago. I was looking for something upstairs and glanced under the bed -- a bit of cloth was hanging down and I did a double take before I realized what it was. They never really leave.

[PantyGnawer]

Thanks so much for your kind words everyone. It really does help. I'm so glad I shared this.

Just for the record though, Moe was a girl. Easy mistake considering the name. I have a weird pet peeve where it seems people who have met my pets continue to call them by the wrong gender. Drives me nuts.

I thought I saw Harry's ghost today - Harry was an FIV-positive Norwegian Forest Cat we had for about ten years, he died about two years ago. I was looking for something upstairs and glanced under the bed -- a bit of cloth was hanging down and I did a double take before I realized what it was. They never really leave.

I know. Moe always loved being outside. I have an open door policy with my cats. They choose to live with me but they can come and go as they please. I always worried about the chance that Moe might get hit by a car, particularly because of her being half blind. But there was no way that I could keep her locked in the house. She was too much of a free spirit.

Moe knew my car and would always run up to it to greet me when I got home. Tonight when I got home, as I stepped out of the car, I had a total brain fart and for an instant I expected her to run up. That was sad, but overall today was a much better day. That horrible feeling of dread that sat in my stomach for two days has passed.

The cremation thing did have a weird effect though. Normally, even though a pet is dead. I have this feeling in the back of my mind that I know where they are. Meaning the place that I buried them. Now Moe is just gone: physically and ....well physically. I have a special place where I've buried my last two cats, and I thought of spreading her ashes there, but I decided that it was pointless. Now I'm thinking that it might be a good idea.

I'm so sorry to hear about Joey. But my experience has been that knowing its coming seems to help things a bit. But at the same time putting a pet down is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It sucks because you have to choose when to do it. I always weigh the suffering versus the quality of life. I usually decide to do it on the very day that I do it.

The last time I did it I had about a months notice. Keysey got jaw cancer. They gave him 3 to 6 months but that was a pipe dream. I didn't cry much ahead of time. The day I called the vet to set up an appointment I said, "Hi, Im calling to get an appointment for....... Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When I went I left him in the car to go in to pay ahead of time. The place was crowded and I tried my best to keep it together. The lady said "Can I help you" and I said "I'm here to....... Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa That was embarrassing! Something about saying the words just made it all too real. Luckily though, the vet installed a special room for the purpose with its own door to the outside, so I didn't have to walk out blubbering in front of a bunch of people.

I know it would violate many many laws but if they could come out with some sort of home euthanasia kit it would be one of the greatest products ever. When my mom had to put down one of our dogs (ironically also named Joey) she begged and pleaded with the vet to just bring the syringe out to the car and do it there, but they said they couldn't. That was rough on her.

Tigg and KC you are very right! Non pet owners just don't seem to get it. My help meat Lindsay didn't even cry. She didn't grow up with pets and gets a little freaked out by cats. That kinda hurts me a little.

However, one of my best friends and neighbors CMac, who absolutely loves cats and genuinely loved Moe, saw me the next day and instantly walked up and hugged me and started crying himself. That meant the world to me.

Thanks again everyone for your kind words.

And yes KC, I'm so glad that I have video of her. Here is the only other video I have of her. It always cracks me up!

Edit: I was looking at my youtube account after I linked that video and I realized that Moe also shows up in the video I made for the Who's Voice is that game. It made me smile.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYbfSKCHc6M

Damn she loved that fish tank!

[TwistedSister]

Heartbreaking as it can sometimes be to have our fuzzy, wee ones, I wouldn't trade my time having had them in my life for anything.

Our black lab, Bogie, got to the point where he just couldn't get up any longer. We both had pickup trucks at the time and thought it would be too hard on him to take him to the vet to have him put down.
Lucky for us, I had a horse at the time and I called my horse Vet, explained the situation and she came to our home and put him to sleep on our kitchen floor.
She mailed me the bill with a sympathy card.
As hard as that all was to deal with, it was much less upsetting having done it at home.

[PantyGnawer]

Ahhhh. Livestock vets can practice at your home! I hadn't thought of that. Thats good to know.

[Tigger_the_Wing]

In England and Ireland all vets can come to your home to treat pets - it just costs an extra 'call-out' fee. Actually, as far as I know all vets are trained to treat all animals, although some specialise. Certainly all the vets for whom I've worked and with whom I've come into contact have treated what they call 'large animals' as well as 'small animals'.

I believe that vets who work on zoos may have additional specialist training, but I have seen all sorts of creatures, from fish through amphibians, reptiles, birds and mammals treated at an ordinary practice.

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

We had Nuke put down at home about ten years ago. It wasn't any easier on us, and didn't seem any easier for her either -- she knew what was up. These days generally we either let them pass at home with us, or take them in if they're no longer comfortable - "suffering" is the word. We get pretty involved with comfort maintenance in the endgame. Joey has been getting twice-a-day subcutaneous fluids, several extra feedings, preferred seating/bedding locations, etc. etc. for the couple of months since he started deteriorating. If he continues to go along the path he's on, he'll probably live another couple of weeks and pass away in bed with us. It's happened that way with five or six others, and they seem to be the most at peace. The ones that have to be put down usually know what's happening, and aren't as easy about it.

I usually decide to do it on the very day that I do it.

Yup. It's day-to-day in the endgame, and usually it takes a couple of bad days in a row to know that it's time. We do all we can, but in the end all you can do is all you can do. Our guys know we love them, and they know we do everything we can to make them happy and comfortable. If your pets know you care about them, they'll trust that wahever you do is going to be the best thing for them. If we have to put one down, I always make sure I'm talking to them and looking right in their eyes as they go. It hurts and it sucks, but it helps them accept the end.

[Roy Hunter]

I usually decide to do it on the very day that I do it.

Yup. It's day-to-day in the endgame, and usually it takes a couple of bad days in a row to know that it's time.

True. It's not an easy thing to do, and you have to know that the time is right. That's why it's so hard to say "today is a good day for you to die". I just hope my family and friends don't keep me hanging about for the finale. Kill me quick. That's how I want to go.

[TwistedSister]

ET, PLEASE don't take this the wrong way but, I've never had an animal (other than a goldfish) just pass away at home. Maybe you've taken care of so many kitties with issues that you can pretty much determine that their time will come shortly and they aren't in any distress. Thus, they pass in your home.
For us, seeing cats (or dogs) losing weight, not eating, can't walk, losing control of their "potty" habits, and just not being themselves is too much for me.
We of course, have the vet check to see if there is anything to help them. We do anything the vet says we need to do to help our animals, sadly, it's ended with the fuzzy one being put down.
I've even talked to my "pets" telling them it's o.k., you can go on now. I'll be o.k. (damn, I'm tearing up now) but they never do.
(shit) I would just once like to tell a sick and dying pet it's o.k. to leave and have them just fall asleep and never wake up. (shit, I'm crying as I type this)
So, ET, I know you've helped many cats and at least you've been "lucky" enough not to have to make that very difficult decision for each and every one of them, I wish we could all be that lucky at least just once.
I've gotta go blow my nose now.

[PantyGnawer]

Fuckin-A this thread is coming down hard on all of us!

I started this trainwreck so I'm calling the shots.

New Rule: No one makes a post in this thread without posting a pic of a happy kitten!

Here goes:

ET, PLEASE don't take this the wrong way but, I've never had an animal (other than a goldfish) just pass away at home. Maybe you've taken care of so many kitties with issues that you can pretty much determine that their time will come shortly and they aren't in any distress. Thus, they pass in your home.
For us, seeing cats (or dogs) losing weight, not eating, can't walk, losing control of their "potty" habits, and just not being themselves is too much for me.
We of course, have the vet check to see if there is anything to help them. We do anything the vet says we need to do to help our animals, sadly, it's ended with the fuzzy one being put down.

I really hate to take this discussion there, but I'm doing it. Your whole post reminded me of how most pets get put down when it becomes just too much, yet we drag it out to the bitter and horrible end when it comes to our older human relatives.

Losing weight, not eating, can't walk, losing control of their "potty" habits, and just not being themselves, is pretty much the definition of our loved ones who are sitting in nursing homes now. It was exactly the definition of my grandfather when he was in a nursing home. I wished for him to die after every visit.

After a pretty bad visit with him, my mom gave me specific instructions that if she ever ended up like that, that I was to do whatever it took to end it for her.

My other grandfather shot himself in the head when his terminal cancer had gotten very bad. That crazy sunofabitch lived for another 24 hours. In the meantime, mom and I were plotting ways of getting into the intensive care unit with a syringe to just put an air bubble in his vein and end it. We were deadly serious about it. Luckily he finally just passed.

Seriously though, Kittens in every post. You guys are bringing me down.

[TwistedSister]

Cute kitty.

Sorry, wine gets me emotional.
I agree 100% PG on what you said about our older folks.

Another thing I would like to add from personal experience, I take my pets to the vets when it's time for a yearly or bi-yearly check up.
I haven't seen a Doctor since I broke my ribs several years ago.