Darn. You haven't got one, so I'm gonna do PirateGuy, because I can use Freudian terms for him.
He suffers from an "anal retentive" disorder, proven by the picture in his signature of a cat showing its sphincter. This is also proven by the desire to either grab, lick or touch as shown by his previous avatars, specifically the infamous crab one, and his current one, the monkey clinging desperately onto the bamboo shoot. This is also characterised with his need to binge drink.
Therefore, PirateGuy suffers from a desperate need to put things in his mouth and hands. Maybe he suffers from a complex originating from infancy, but we can not know for sure.
And I am fully aware that Freud was proven wrong in many cases, but I'm sure it gave you a bit of a giggle.
A flap of the wings yesterday means big changes tomorrow.
Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.
So yeah, I went and got a blog.