Those are all pretty great. The comic is good too (a softer world).
A sample of the win:
Re: Am I right, ladies? Am I right?
I am writing to pitch a television show idea, in response to your widely publicized "The FX $50,000 comedy competition" Now, I don't know anything about plot or characters, but I really laugh at TV shows where they make "edgy" jokes. Like, when they make a joke and a white guy says nigger even though you aren't supposed to. That's funny. We're allowed to say nigger again because it's funny.
I told my doctor that I was allowed to say faggot because it's funny. Incest jokes are still funny too. He told me that it was funny on TV for a different reason than I think. I don't know about that. I pretty much have to keep my jokes to myself the doctor says. Other people see things differently than I do. The medicine doesn't help with that, it just makes me forget things sometimes. Anyway, FX, you mention that a person can simply submit their stand-up routine, and so here we go.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It is estimated that every two and a half minutes in America, someone is raped. According to my calculations, that means that every ten minutes there is a victim of rape [pause for effect] who deserves it.
Because one in four people is a jerk, am I right? [pause for laughter]
Actually, FX, is it okay if when we make this TV show you don't put my name on it? It's not that I'm not proud, it's just that my mom got really upset when I told her that joke. She wouldn't stop crying and she locked herself in the bathroom. It makes me feel crazy when my mother cries like that. She's done so much for me. She pays for all my medical bills. I told her to come back out of the bathroom, FX. I said "No, no. Mom, I love you. I didn't mean you, mom. You didn't deserve it."
I hope I win the money. $50,000 would really help out.