Dead Baby Jokes

[piratemike]

Dead Babies Are Funny! Dead baby Jokes Are Here!

[piratemike]

What is black and bubbly and taps on glass?
A: A baby in the microwave.

What's blue and knocks on glass?
A: A baby in a fishtank

What is charred black and screams?
A: A baby getting his toy out of the fireplace!

What's wet, glows, and can't scream?
A: A baby with his finger in an electrical socket!

What is charred black and smells really bad?
A1: A baby chewing on an extension cord.

[Rainswept]

After watching the entireity of The Aristocrats DVD, I'm pretty well numb to "shocking" jokes.

The following link is about as NOT SAFE FOR WORK as it's possible to be...

Enjoy if you have a sick sense of humor.

This one too.

[PantyGnawer]

"Thats one hell of an act! What do you call it?"


"Rainswept!"

[PantyGnawer]

I'm pretty sure that you just linked to copyrighted content. I heartell that that is immoral.

Of course said immorality pales in comparison to the immorality of the content so I guess...

[Rainswept]

I'm pretty sure that you just linked to copyrighted content. I heartell that that is immoral.

Of course said immorality pales in comparison to the immorality of the content so I guess...

I tried to link to the preview and samples at the official movie site, actually, but the damn thing is down. I hope the small sample of the movie encourages people to go buy or rent it. If it's your style of humor it's totally worth it, I saw it in the theatre and then again on DVD.

[piratemike]

What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.

What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: The same baby three weeks later.

What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.

What's red and sits in a highchair?
A: A baby eating razor-blades.

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.

What's blue and sits in the corner?
A: Dead Baby playing with saranwrap.

What is green and sits in the corner?
A: Same dead baby two weeks later!

How do you make a dead baby float?
A1: Fill a glass with root beer, and add a scoop of ice cream and a scoop of
dead baby.

[St John the Blasphemist]

I've only heard of the Aristocrats joke in the past couple of years. I wonder if it's much older than that. It reminds me, however, of this one told in the mid-'80s by a genius named Rodney Rude (warning, rude stuff coming up):

A guy walks into a talent agency & says, "I've got a great act for you."

The agent says, "What is it?"

The guy says, "I can sing through my arse"

"You can sing through your arse?" the agent says. "You can sing through your arse?? What a great act! Well let's hear it!"

So the guy pulls his pants down & shits all over the agent's desk.

The agent says, "Ohh, what did you do that for??"

The guy said, "I'm just clearing my throat."


Feel free to move this to the RR&M forum. Or just delete it. I've heard it before anyway.

In the meantime, have a listen to Rodney Rude's tribute to that great Australian statesman, Rolf Harris, here.

St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Really Crap Jokes

[piratemike]

What do you call a baby with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
A.Screwed

How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
A: Depends how hard you throw them

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a bag of dead babies?
A: I don’t have a Ferrari in my basement

What’s better than 10 dead babies in one bin?
A: 1 dead baby in 10 bins

[piratemike]

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a
sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries
down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing
a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the
window shouting to the firemen below.

FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able
to catch you.
LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here.
FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him.
LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby.

Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me
have the bullhorn."

JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco
49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby
down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living.

Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby
down to him. Just as she throws it t hough, a huge gust of wind comes
and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this
and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area,
fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over
the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby.
The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch.
So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two
step and then spikes the baby.