From Craig's list. Funny story.

This board is NOT restricted access. Keep that in mind when you post.

Moderator: Other Stuff Mods

From Craig's list. Funny story.

Postby m610 on Sun Jul 15, 2007 1:48 pm

Link: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/344894297.html

I Puked at the MegaChurch
Date: 2007-06-04, 4:12PM MDT

Yesterday I was out for a bike ride and I'm cruising and digging the grass and trees and farms and cows and horses and sayin hi to other people riding bikes and being cool with cars and liking the deep rumble of motorcycles as they blow by me.

I ride into this small town that will remain nameless to protect the small townies. I stop at this place to buy some stuff and they are like BRATS OUT BACK! so I'm like BRATS? And they are like FREE! so I'm out back yacking about the cows and farms with other lycra people stuffing pork meat encased in pork intestine into our holes. With mustard. Score! So I cram one down and think, why not and I crunch another tangy hot juicy pork thing down my hole.

Then, I'm off! Full of pork. Ready for more cows and horse manure smells. I even have me a tail wind as I leave this town and hit these hills. Short hills, that step up steeply. Like steps. One after another. I'm high on free meat so I punch it and get a good groove until about 3/4 of the way up when I feel not-so-good. I slow down and finish the last pitch to the top breathing hard and feeling funky.

I pull off the road into this parking lot which turns out to be the lot for a megachurch. And its sunday and they've been harvesting souls and the harvesting is over and the harvested souls are all meandering out to their jesus mobiles.


And I puke two free greasy pork meat brats with mustard onto their lot. Hoark! Plop! Drool runs from my lips to the sun warmed ashpalt as I let go with a dry heave. Damn! I suddenly feel fine after bulimatizing that load of pig chunks.

I look up at the jesus people who are looking at me and I yell, OUT SATAN! OUT!. Then I scoot outta that megachurch lot.

so there.

* Location: bikist
Evolution of the gif whale.
Image
http://www.kstreetstudio.com
m610
Cannelloni Cannoneer
 
Posts: 118
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2007 2:03 pm
Location: Davis, CA

Postby EarthRise on Sun Jul 15, 2007 7:06 pm

Oh, yeah. Let's go deface all the churches. I'm sure that such behavior will encourage them to view their opponents as human, and it will definitely convince the observing populace :roll:
[...] the difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection, though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered as subversive of the theory.
-Darwin
User avatar
EarthRise
Hox God
 
Posts: 2330
Joined: Sun Aug 27, 2006 3:35 pm
Location: who wants to know?

Postby Chimaera on Sun Jul 15, 2007 7:28 pm

EarthRise wrote:Oh, yeah. Let's go deface all the churches. I'm sure that such behavior will encourage them to view their opponents as human, and it will definitely convince the observing populace :roll:

I don't think it's possible to explain why a joke is funny, but I'll try. The humour is in the unexpected "excuse", not in the vomit.
Je me presse de rire de tout, de peur d'être obligé d'en pleurer
Chimaera
Farfalle First Mate
 
Posts: 520
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2005 8:56 am
Location: UK

Postby ken worley on Sun Jul 15, 2007 7:33 pm

Yeah, spur-of-the-moment-adaption-under-pressure is funny...kinda like my own story,HERE
Image
User avatar
ken worley
King of the Pervs
 
Posts: 3363
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2006 11:10 pm
Location: Fortress of Squalitude

Postby PantyGnawer on Mon Jul 16, 2007 1:24 am

Brilliant! I thought it was the church that was giving away free brats. Who just gives away free brats without asking for your eternal soul. I gotta find out where this free brat giving town is, they rule!

Alternative improvisation: "Uggh, did anyone else think that the communion wafers tasted a little rank today?
User avatar
PantyGnawer
Spam Bob Grill Pants
 
Posts: 4481
Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 9:17 pm
Location: Ask yer Mom.

Re: From Craig's list. Funny story.

Postby anthrobabe on Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:59 pm

m610 wrote:Link: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/344894297.html

I Puked at the MegaChurch
Date: 2007-06-04, 4:12PM MDT

Yesterday I was out for a bike ride and I'm cruising and digging the grass and trees and farms and cows and horses and sayin hi to other people riding bikes and being cool with cars and liking the deep rumble of motorcycles as they blow by me.

I ride into this small town that will remain nameless to protect the small townies. I stop at this place to buy some stuff and they are like BRATS OUT BACK! so I'm like BRATS? And they are like FREE! so I'm out back yacking about the cows and farms with other lycra people stuffing pork meat encased in pork intestine into our holes. With mustard. Score! So I cram one down and think, why not and I crunch another tangy hot juicy pork thing down my hole.

Then, I'm off! Full of pork. Ready for more cows and horse manure smells. I even have me a tail wind as I leave this town and hit these hills. Short hills, that step up steeply. Like steps. One after another. I'm high on free meat so I punch it and get a good groove until about 3/4 of the way up when I feel not-so-good. I slow down and finish the last pitch to the top breathing hard and feeling funky.

I pull off the road into this parking lot which turns out to be the lot for a megachurch. And its sunday and they've been harvesting souls and the harvesting is over and the harvested souls are all meandering out to their jesus mobiles.


And I puke two free greasy pork meat brats with mustard onto their lot. Hoark! Plop! Drool runs from my lips to the sun warmed ashpalt as I let go with a dry heave. Damn! I suddenly feel fine after bulimatizing that load of pig chunks.

I look up at the jesus people who are looking at me and I yell, OUT SATAN! OUT!. Then I scoot outta that megachurch lot.

so there.

* Location: bikist



That is hilarious--
nasty but hilarious
you have a quick wit- I would have ridden off and though of the line later-- comic timing is everything.
My mantra
Just save the farkin Gorillas will you! They don't have spell check- but they do need YOU/US...
www.gorillafund.org

I Ned Speil Cheek!!!!!!!!

I'm *not* the lowest rank on this ship. What about the laboratory mice? I tell them something and they jump straight to it. "Yes, Mr. Lister Sir, eek,eek."
User avatar
anthrobabe
Lord of Linguini
 
Posts: 1325
Joined: Tue May 02, 2006 8:13 pm
Location: Waiting to move where the Gorillas are, the ones without cell phones and cars!


Return to Games, Fun, and Jokes

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron