The Quality of Mercy is not Strained.(or even really flexed)

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Should we eat the squirrels?

yes
8
57%
no
2
14%
That's a rather personal question, isn't it?
4
29%
 
Total votes : 14

The Quality of Mercy is not Strained.(or even really flexed)

Postby ken worley on Tue Mar 27, 2007 8:31 am

In the mountains of France, in a forest clearing, there lived two squirrels.
Each had a nice hollow tree to live in.

It was the day before the first snowfall, and at this elevation, the world was about to be plunged into an icy deathlock for 5 months.

The squirrels had each spent all summer gathering nuts and dried berries, with which they'd stocked their tree hollows for the coming winter.

As it happened, two hikers had gotten lost in this forest, and had been wandering for days.

One was omnivorous, and one was a vegan.

They knew that civilization lay at the foot of the mountain, two day's hike away.

The omnivore came across one of the hollow trees, and, discovering a feast inside, immediately whacked the squirrel in the head with a rock, and devoured him, followed by the nuts and berries.

The vegan came upon the other nest, and gently removed the squirrel, and softly stroked its fur as he ate all the nuts and berries.
He then kissed the precious little creature gently on top the head, and placed him gently and safely back into his now-empty home.

Night fell on the clearing, and an icy rain began to fall, and one lonely squirrel stared from a cold empty tree-hole, with the stricken, terror-filled eyes of the doomed.

Several miles down the mountain, the vegan strolled in the direction of his salvation, picking nut hulls from his teeth, with the warm, self-satisfied glow of the enlightened beaming from his rosy cheeks.


The Moral...

There are three, really.

1. Planning and hard work are not always rewarded.

2. When you're hungry, squirrels are mighty tasty, 'specially with a side of nuts 'n' berries.

3. Vegans are, to a man, insufferable pricks.
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Postby St John the Blasphemist on Tue Mar 27, 2007 10:21 am

If squirrels are anything like the cute cuddly possums we have in Australia then the vegan would have lots of band-aids on his fingers after the ordeal.

Moral No.4: Starving vegans make profit for Johnson & Johnson (makers of Band-Aid)

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Postby blackeyedbutch on Tue Mar 27, 2007 11:22 am

why didn't the vegan just take the squirrel with him as a pet I would have
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Postby MPTrooper on Tue Mar 27, 2007 2:15 pm

I would have burnt down the forest. For the fire of course
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Postby Capellini on Tue Mar 27, 2007 2:54 pm

In the case of the squirrel who will now starve to death, vegans are insufferable pricks to him, too.
True terror lies in the futility of human existence.

Malcolm Reynolds is my co-pilot.

"The only freedom deserving the name, is that of pursuing our own good in our own way, so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs, or impede their efforts to obtain it. Each is the proper guardian of his own health, whether bodily, or mental and spiritual. Mankind are greater gainers by suffering each other to live as seems good to themselves, than by compelling each to live as seems good to the rest." - John Stuart Mill
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Postby EarthRise on Tue Mar 27, 2007 6:26 pm

Vegans are insufferable pricks, but so are squirrels.
[...] the difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection, though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered as subversive of the theory.
-Darwin
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Postby Duke on Fri Mar 30, 2007 2:31 am

Raise your hand if you have hunted squirrel....What? Only me? How embarrassing...


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Re: The Quality of Mercy is not Strained.(or even really flexed)

Postby ken worley on Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:13 pm

Necromancy....I admit it...I don't want autopruned of my heartwarming story. :jack:
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Re: The Quality of Mercy is not Strained.(or even really flexed)

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial on Mon Aug 30, 2010 10:06 pm

Why didn't the omnivore whack the vegan with the rock and eat him instead? Lots more cheeseburgers on a human than on a squirrel.
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Re: The Quality of Mercy is not Strained.(or even really flexed)

Postby ken worley on Mon Aug 30, 2010 10:38 pm

ET, the Extra Terrestrial wrote:Why didn't the omnivore whack the vegan with the rock and eat him instead? Lots more cheeseburgers on a human than on a squirrel.



They weren't together....
The omnivore's instincts kept him (subconsciously) from encountering the insufferable prick.
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Re: The Quality of Mercy is not Strained.(or even really flexed)

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard on Wed Sep 01, 2010 6:21 pm

oh ye kuld me a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad noime :furious:
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
um gunna tell anty twissy
an she gunna ban ya
an wun ya fru
cuz she doptid me
ye bedder wum way cuz she gunna b ona warpaff :nefyoobash:
an din alla antys gunna wun ya fru
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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Re:

Postby Rainswept on Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:47 pm

Capellini wrote:In the case of the squirrel who will now starve to death, vegans are insufferable pricks to him, too.


I find that Cap has preemptively posted my response pretty much word for word, saving me the trouble. Thanks Cap.
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Re: The Quality of Mercy is not Strained.(or even really flexed)

Postby black bart on Tue Sep 14, 2010 2:08 pm

Snow? in France? It must have been the Alps...and the Lord alps those who alp themselves.
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