2 guys were walking their dogs - Bar jokes

[hplrules]

...

[FirstMateRiyn]

There was once a boy born with a rather strange birth defect. He was perfectly healthy apart from the fact that he was just a head. Doctors were puzzled over how he could eat, drink and breathe, although, clearly, no body was visible. Anyway, this poor young boy bravely fought through life, taking abuse from children in school and being led around by friends and family in a wheelbarrow. On his 18th birthday, his father decided to take him to the pub to have his first drink as a man, as most fathers do. A pint of bitter was brought to the table he rested on with a straw protruding from the rim of the glass. As the boy took his first gulp of beer, something truly amazing happened. A torso sprouted from the base of his neck. Urged on by his father he took another gulp, sure enough two arms sprouted from either side of his body! Picking up the glass he eagerly took a final swig and two legs (complete with feet) protruded from his torso. Excited by this amazing miracle he jumped to the floor and ran outside in a fit of joy. "I can walk! I can run!" And he did... Straight into open trafic. "Oh Son!" The father exclamed. "You should have quit while you were ahead!"

[PantyGnawer]

This is my most corny joke ever, but judging from the previous posts I think I'm in good company!


A piece of string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender replies "Sorry we don't serve string here". The piece of string goes out to the alleyway and rolls himself up until he is all tangled upon himself. Then he messes up the tip of his head until the individual strands come undone. He walks back into the bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you that same piece of string that I just threw out of here?". The string replies,"No, I'm afraid not".

[St John the Blasphemist]

Warning!! This joke has words with asterisks in them!!

Another boy was born who was also just a head (but he was a good looking head).
On his 7th birthday, his dad says "c'm'ere Head." I've got a nice surprise for you.
Head says "Not another f*cking hat!!"
When Head turns 14, he enters his first swimming competition. He gets on the block, the gun goes off, he dives in & sinks straight to the bottom.
When they got him out, they asked "What happened, Head?"
He said "Oh f*ck I got a cramp!"
Head turns drinking age, so he bowls himself into the nearest pub & bowls himself onto the bar & says "Gimme a beer!!"
& then says "Now put a straw in it!"
"Now put the straw in my mouth!!"
"Now get the cigarettes out of my collar & put one in my mouth!"
"Now light it!!"
The barman does all this & then Head says, "Now--do you have darts competitions in this place??"
The barman says "yeah," so Head says "Then get a dart & put it in my mouth!! feathers first!!"
"Now throw the f*cking board at me!!!"

(credit to Rodney Rude)

Buddha walks up to a hotdog stand & says "Make me one with everything"
The hotdog vendor hands him a hotdog, but when Buddha gives him a $20 note, the hotdog vendor doesn't give him any change.
Buddha says "What about my change?"
The hotdog vendor says "You should know--change comes from within."

St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Good-Looking Heads

[PantyGnawer]

Buddha walks up to a hotdog stand & says "Make me one with everything"

You could have just stopped the joke right there! Thats fricking brilliant!