2 guys were walking their dogs - Bar jokes

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2 guys were walking their dogs - Bar jokes

Postby saucy little lady on Tue Jan 23, 2007 11:08 am

Two guys were walking their dogs; one with a German Shepered, one with a Chihuahua. The man with the shepered suggests going to the bar for a drink. The other man says "They're not going to allow the dogs into the bar." And the first guy says, "No? Watch this." He puts on his sunglasses, acts like the German Shepered is a seeing eye dog, walks into the bar, and orders a drink. No one says anything. The second guy takes out his sunglasses, slips them on, and walks his Chihuahua into the bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow dogs in here." And the man says, "It's okay, it's my seeing eye dog." The bartender laughs and says, "This little chihuahua is your seeing eye dog?" And the guy says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
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Postby EarthRise on Tue Jan 23, 2007 1:32 pm

Are we asking for a bar jokes thread with this? 'cause I have a couple. And by a "couple," I mean "enough to make you stab your eardrums."
[...] the difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection, though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered as subversive of the theory.
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Postby saucy little lady on Tue Jan 23, 2007 9:42 pm

I love bar jokes almost as much as I love bars. :-)

Bring em.
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Postby EarthRise on Tue Jan 23, 2007 11:35 pm

Guy walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm. He says "One for me, and one for the road."
[...] the difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection, though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered as subversive of the theory.
-Darwin
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Postby deadgenome on Wed Jan 24, 2007 1:33 pm

Guy walks into a bar, ends up with minor concussion and three stitches.
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Postby EarthRise on Wed Jan 24, 2007 6:59 pm

deadgenome wrote:Guy walks into a bar, ends up with minor concussion and three stitches.


...you just killed the thread!
[...] the difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection, though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered as subversive of the theory.
-Darwin
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Postby thegoddessofbob on Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:11 pm

A similar one:
Three guys walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.
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Postby Warlord of Elephants on Wed Jan 24, 2007 8:45 pm

O.k. A priest a rabbi and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "what is this; some kind of joke?"


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Postby EarthRise on Wed Jan 24, 2007 9:55 pm

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
[...] the difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection, though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered as subversive of the theory.
-Darwin
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Postby diego on Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:55 pm

Quite a number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 under the baton of Milton Katims.
Now at this point, you must understand two things:

1.There's a quite long segment in this symphony where the basses don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.

2.There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400, right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.

It had been decided that during this performance, once the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the symphony, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage, rather than sit on thier stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes. Once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and quaff a few brews.

When they got there, a European nobleman recognized that they were musicians, and bought them several rounds of drinks. Two of the bassists passed out, and the rest of the section, not to mention the nobleman, were rather drunk. Finally, one of them looked at his watch and exclaimed, "Look at the time! We'll be late!"

The remaining bassists tried in vain to wake up their section mates, but finally those who were still conscious had to give up and run across the street to the Opera House.

While they were on their way in, the bassist who suggested this excursion in the first place said, "I think we'll still have enough time--I anticipated that something like this could happen, so I tied a string around the last pages of the score. When he gets down to there, Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."
Sure enough, when they got back to the stage they hadn't missed their entrance, but one look at their conductor's face told them they were still in serious trouble. Katims was furious! After all...

It was the bottom of the Ninth,
the basses were loaded,
the score was tied,
there were two men out,
and the Count was full.
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Postby brodieboy on Sat Feb 03, 2007 11:02 pm

A gorrilla walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He pays with a tenner. Thinknig that the Gorillas can't know much about money, the barman only gives him one dollar change.

As the gorilla is drinking his beer, the barman says "You know, we've never hada gorilla here before". The gorilla replies "At 9 bucks a beer, it's no wonder"
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Postby hplrules on Sun Feb 04, 2007 12:12 pm

A pirate walks into a bar and orders a "Black Bart". The bartender shakes his head in confusion, and the pirate explains, "a Guinness". Then he orders a "Redbeard", get's a quizzical look, and explains, "a Killian's". Next, he orders a "Captain Jack Sparrow". "Let me guess, rum!" the bartender exclaims. "No, ya lubber, I'm hungry now."


Arrr! Now I'll be hated in this port... :roll:
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:fsm_ninja: :fsm_yarr: :? :fsm_yarr: :cry: :fsm_ninja:
:fsm_ninja: :( :fsm_yarr: :roll: :fsm_yarr: :fsm_ninja:
:fsm_ninja: :fsm_ninja: :fsm_ninja: :fsm_ninja: :fsm_ninja: :fsm_ninja:
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Postby ken worley on Wed Feb 07, 2007 5:19 am

My "bar joke" for Existentialists...


I was sitting in the bar, and I'd had quite a few drinks, when in walks this shifty-looking dog, who tries to sell me a misprinted globe...

I yell, "CHECK!", to the bartender, who comes over, wiping his hands on a bar rag, and says, "Goin' home already, mac?"

I fish some bills out of my wallet, and replied, "Yup... I just saw a dog trying to sell me a defective globe."


The bartender grabs my arm, and says, "No, siddown, buddy, you're not drunk, there really is a dog across the table from you."

Thrusting the money into his hand, I put on my hat, and, walking towards the door, replied, "Exactly!"


*ducks flood of pelted tomatoes*
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Postby St John the Blasphemist on Tue Feb 13, 2007 1:43 pm

Similar to bar jokes, but replace 'bar' with 'doctor's surgery'

A guy walks into a doctor's surgery & says "Doctor! I've eaten something that disagrees with me!"
And a voice coming from his stomach says "No you haven't!"

A guy climbs down a ladder into a doctor's surgery with a chimney on his shoulder & says "Doctor! I'm coming down with the flu!"

A guy runs his hands all over his body on Sunday, then runs his hands all over his body on Monday, does the same on Tuesday, but on Wednesday he doesn't do it. He doesn't do it on Thursday either.
So on Friday he goes to the doctor & says "Doctor. I haven't been feeling myself for the past couple of days."

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Postby Jean Bart on Wed Feb 14, 2007 8:05 pm

A guy walks into a bar and asks for six whiskeys. He drinks them, all six, one immediately after the other. Then he orders five, then four, three, two, one... Between ordering the single glass and passing out, he manages to ask the bartender: "You're my witness! The less I drink, the drunker I get!"
Pffff, can't get this one over in English... :x
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