Truth-in-Advertising

[black bart]

Arrrrrr...Pop tarts...a Pirate's breakfast if ever there was one...the way they blast out o yer toaster molten hot loik red hot grape shot!

[pieces o'nine]

Can you hear me now?

Really? You can?

[black bart]

Cadbury's Creme Eggs...How do you eat yours?

So small this year you can suck them through a straw!

[ken worley]

Capitol-One®

"What's in your wallet?"



A:(In Japanese accent) "A-Gleedy banker-craw."

[ken worley]

Ever go into your local purveyor of magazines, and notice how many diffrerent titles there are? There used to be only a few periodicals gracing the store shelves, and these catered to a wide range of tastes and interests...
But now, with scientific studies on demographics and targeted research, publishers now shoot for quite specific, if much smaller, consumer groups.
This has led to "niche" magazines, such as 'Custom Cycle Enthusiast', or '35 mm digest'... It seems as though there is a magazine for every occupation, hobby, interest on earth.
Last week I walked into the world's largest seller of magazines, MegaMagMart, and spent 164 hours perusing the aisles, goggling at the obscure, sometimes unbelievable titles...
So now I share with the readers some of the more interesting finds....


Kustom Kayaker--how to modify, customize,and finish kayaks and canoes.

Blunderbus Digest--for ancient handgun owners

Pre-operative Transexual Mechanic Quarterly

Quadraplegic HangGlider

PigPacker Illustrated-the trade journal for the pork-producing industry...

Do You Know Where That's Been?-a magazine for obsessive-compulsives which is published every 36 days, at 3:15 PM.(note...although this magazine has only 30,000 readers, their monthly circulation is 450,000 copies)

ArachnoPoseur...The digest for people who like to pretend to be spiders...

Lip-Disc Times... with all-aboriginal writing staff....

Screw-Cap-Wine enthusiast...

Simplicity... The once-yearly magazine for people in comas...

Necrophiliac Veterinarian Shipbuilder...

Indigent Outdoor Griller-this month Rat...barbecue sauce, or not?

Popular Corsetry...

Sightless Archer Illustrated. (Cover story...Retain attorneys, or hire as needed?)


Ostrich-Meat Gourmet...

[Mongo of the North]

G.E. "We Bring Good Things to Life." (Unless those things happen to be foreign peoples, in which case, we make a bomb for that.)

Actually at GE we don't make bombs. The closest thing we make to bombs are Aircraft engines that are used to power craft that deliver weapons. A few years ago the slogan could have been:

At GE we bring things to life with a little help from our 25mm gatling gun. However that division was sold off and became General Dynamics.

[Angel Hair Pasta of Death]

Nintendo: Wii would like to play with your money.
Old Nintendo Slogan: Who are you? Obviously, a social pariah.
Older Nintendo Slogan: Now you're playing...with a square controller.

[black bart]

Ever go into your local purveyor of magazines, and notice how many diffrerent titles there are? There used to be only a few periodicals gracing the store shelves, and these catered to a wide range of tastes and interests...

Sightless Archer Illustrated. (Cover story...Retain attorneys, or hire as needed?)


Ostrich-Meat Gourmet...

Are these real?

We have a comedy show called "Have I got News for you" which is a topical comedy quiz featuring some very witty chaps like Paul Merton and Bill Bailey. On every episode they have a short section where they ask questions related to a guest obscure publication...but I don't think they've come up with any quite as obscure as these!

[St John the Blasphemist]

Actually at GE we don't make bombs. The closest thing we make to bombs are Aircraft engines that are used to power craft that deliver weapons.

GE used to have the US government contract for making the triggers for nuclear bombs. But they lost it cos someone sold the plans to... I think it was the Koreans but I'm not sure. If you check out the movie Frantic starring Harrison Ford, you'll notice the GE logo on the nuclear trigger in that.

And speaking of death - And oldie but a goodie:

City Morgue: You kill 'em, we chill em'

[black bart]

Apparently there is a restaurant which specialises in cooking 'Roadkill' and its slogan is:

"From your Grille to our Grill."

[ken worley]

Ever go into your local purveyor of magazines, and notice how many diffrerent titles there are? There used to be only a few periodicals gracing the store shelves, and these catered to a wide range of tastes and interests...

Sightless Archer Illustrated. (Cover story...Retain attorneys, or hire as needed?)


Ostrich-Meat Gourmet...

Are these real?

We have a comedy show called "Have I got News for you" which is a topical comedy quiz featuring some very witty chaps like Paul Merton and Bill Bailey. On every episode they have a short section where they ask questions related to a guest obscure publication...but I don't think they've come up with any quite as obscure as these!

Of course they are real.
I will send you the subscription cards.


Here are a few more interesting titles I saw.


Newt Afficianado

Miniature Solid Human Waste processing Station Modeller

Sticks and Stones---the official digest of the neanderthal throwback

Out of the Box...The world's only biweekly for street mimes

NitPickers Gazzette

Rolling Barrel What's hot in the world of polka music

Asphalt Connoisseur

Banana-Slug Photographer

Hippie-Longstocking...Devoted to burned-out knitters of knee-socks

Hermitopia---Restaurant reviews for the pathological recluse

Awww Nuts! (Official Trade Publication for Horse Gelders local union 218)

Rickshaw and Puller

THE WIPE--A Weekly newsmag for total A*sholes

[black bart]

I quite fancy a subscription to Newt Afficianado...is there a T Shirt?

[farfalla]

sign outside transvestite bar- "Some times you feel like a nut, some times you don't"

[Taidje Khan]

Police: To Protect And Serve . . . The interests of the rich and famous while harassing and persecuting poor people, minorities, and anybody who threatens the status quo, because after all, you don't pay our salary, the government does after it puts our guns to your head and makes you cough up protection money which we call "taxes." Don't believe us? Stop paying taxes. See what happens.

Truth, if not brevity.

[ptz]

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