Questions Not To Ask In Foreign Lands

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Postby Aeger on Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:52 am

Well, that's certainly amusing.

Rather mean spirited for my tastes, though.

But while we're on the subject:

The Cow Theory of Government

DEMOCRAT
- You have two cows.
- Your neighbor has none.
- You feel guilty for being successful.
- You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
- The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
- You feel righteous.
- Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST
- You have two cows.
- The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
- You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN
- You have two cows.
- Your neighbor has none.
- So?

COMMUNIST
- You have two cows.
- The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
- You wait in line for hours to get it.
- It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
- You have two cows.
- You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
- You have two cows.
- The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
- You have two cows.
- The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
- You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
- You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
- You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized
and are reducing expenses.
- Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You go on strike because you want three cows.
- You go to lunch.
- Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
- They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
- Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
- While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
- You break for lunch.
- Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You have some vodka.
- You count them and learn you have five cows.
- You have some more vodka.
- You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
- The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
I am anti-"txt talk." I support good grammar. I am part of the "Save the Vowels" movement. For your sanity and mind, type out your damn words.

Thank you
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Cow theory

Postby FloridaJudy on Sun Nov 12, 2006 2:38 pm

Swiss Corporation

- You have 42,000 cows
- None of them actually belongs to you
- You have no, repeat, NO Nazi cows..or Serbian cows...or Iraqi cows...
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Postby don juan on Sun Nov 12, 2006 2:50 pm

USA : why a death penalty whith mad cows ? Are
they blacks ?
Partout, dans le monde, et sans aucune exception, où triomphent la dictature et le mépris des droits de l'homme, partout vous y trouvez inscrite, en caractères sanglants, la peine de mort. R. Badinter
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Postby Goat Starer on Sun Nov 12, 2006 7:44 pm

Laz 2.0 generally I find your afferings quite amusing but this one is in fairly poor taste (particularly the Japan and South Africa ones).

I am therefore demoting you to 'joke novice'. please return your master stripes to the office.
Best regards

Goat

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"If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas." - George Bernard Shaw
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Postby MPTrooper on Sun Nov 12, 2006 9:28 pm

The japan one was classsic! I loved all of em!
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Cows

Postby FloridaJudy on Sun Nov 12, 2006 11:15 pm

What's wrong with Serbian cows??


The Serbian high command stashed their money in Swiss banks during the Bosnian conflict, just as the Nazis had done earlier (and - one suspects - anyone who fears being sought as a war criminal still does)
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Re: Cows

Postby Capellini on Mon Nov 13, 2006 11:25 am

FloridaJudy wrote:
What's wrong with Serbian cows??


The Serbian high command stashed their money in Swiss banks during the Bosnian conflict, just as the Nazis had done earlier (and - one suspects - anyone who fears being sought as a war criminal still does)


That's where all MY money is. :fsm_ninja:
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Postby Captain Noobhead on Thu Nov 16, 2006 12:29 am

Haha I loved the cow one!
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Postby ink on Thu Nov 16, 2006 4:05 am

CREATIONIST

-Your neighbor's cow had a calf
-You buy the calf
-The calf grows up
-You claim that your cow has always been a cow, and was never a calf
-When your neighbor mentions the fact that he sold you the calf you sue him
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