real fast math joke...

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real fast math joke...

Postby ke_mikiao on Wed Oct 11, 2006 3:18 pm

A wise man asked a mathmatician "Would you rather have eternal happiness or a doughnut??"

the mathmatician replied, "I would take the doughnut"

the wise man asked, "why?"

the matmatician replied, "Simple, nothing is better than eternal happiness.......and a doughnut is better than nothing"



i know....not the funny.....but i thought it was hilarious...

:D
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Postby PsiPro on Wed Oct 11, 2006 3:56 pm

Math Pick-up line of the week:
I wish i were a derivative so i could lie tangent to your curves.

This made me crack up.... nobody else has had the same reaction :(
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Postby SC-Pastafarian on Wed Oct 11, 2006 11:28 pm

PsiPro wrote:Math Pick-up line of the week:
I wish i were a derivative so i could lie tangent to your curves.

This made me crack up.... nobody else has had the same reaction :(


I thoroughly enjoyed that.
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Postby Land Shark on Wed Oct 11, 2006 11:45 pm

SOmeone on another forum posted this one, so I can't take any credit:
Roses are #CC0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. -Edgar Allan Poe
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Postby PsiPro on Thu Oct 12, 2006 12:10 am

Land Shark wrote:SOmeone on another forum posted this one, so I can't take any credit:
Roses are #CC0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you


LOL I like it.

For you non, nerds, here is the who can't read RGB hex codes like us cool people:
#CC0000
#0000FF

I guess pure red #FF0000 is too much for a rose.

We need a stickyed Nerd Joke's thread! :)
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Postby Duke on Thu Oct 12, 2006 1:16 am

:D Fun.

That reminds me of a joke I thought of once a while back. Someone said something along the lines of, "Oh, nobody's working". But I was working, so I said "I'm working, does that make me nobody? Well, I'm fine with that. Nobody's perfect." :D


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Postby Goat Starer on Thu Oct 12, 2006 5:01 am

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant.

The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two-story teepee, made out of hippopotamus hide.

The chief then challenged members of the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully.

Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

“Correct,â€￾ said the chief. “How did you figure it out?â€￾

The warrior answered, “It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.â€￾
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Postby ke_mikiao on Thu Oct 12, 2006 9:35 am

Alcohol and Calculus don't mix....


NEVER drink and derive.


-cue rimshot-
"The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head."

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Postby anthrobabe on Thu Oct 12, 2006 10:46 am

Goat Starer wrote:An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant.

The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two-story teepee, made out of hippopotamus hide.

The chief then challenged members of the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully.

Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

“Correct,â€￾ said the chief. “How did you figure it out?â€￾

The warrior answered, “It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.â€￾



I gotta email that to my math prof right now--- I'll jsut cut and paste it from here if that is ok
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Postby Goat Starer on Thu Oct 12, 2006 10:49 am

An psychiatrist locks an engineer, a chemist, and a mathematician in separate cells with a year supply of canned food and departs. When he comes back in a year to check on his prisoners, he finds:

The chemist had collected rainwater to corrode the cans of beans so he could eat them

The engineer had taken apart his bed and made a crude can opener out of the parts

The mathematician was slouched on the floor, long since dead. Written in blood beside the corpse read the following:
Theorem: If I don't eat the beans I will die.
Proof: Assume the opposite and seek a contradiction.
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"If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas." - George Bernard Shaw
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Postby Goat Starer on Thu Oct 12, 2006 10:54 am

not being a mathematician I have no idea why (or indeed if) this is funny but it sounds like one of my favorite jokes so scould someone explain it?

Q. What's purple and commutes?
A. An abelian grape.

my favorite joke is

Q. Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
A. A parrot.
Best regards

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Postby anthrobabe on Thu Oct 12, 2006 11:00 am

well I googled abelian grape and found this

http://mathworld.wolfram.com/AbelianGroup.html

I don't do math either
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Postby PsiPro on Thu Oct 12, 2006 9:42 pm

Being an enginnering major i enjoyed this

Top 18 Reasons To Date an Engineer:
=======================
18) We know it's not the length of the vector that counts, but how you apply the force
17) We have taken a course on the motion of rigid bodies
16) Find out what those other "buttons" on your "calculator" do
15) Looks good on a resume
14) The world does revolve around us... we chose the coordinate system
13) Large earning potential
12) We know how to handle stress and strain in a relationship
11) Engineers do it to specification
10) Projectile motion... Need we say more?
9) FREE body diagrams
8) No "couple" enjoy a better "moment"
7) Trained to do it right the first time
6) Can go all night with no hint of fatigue
5) We know the right hand rule
4) We have significant figures
3) If we want a dimond, we can buy it ourselves
2) Parents will approve
1) I am one


Goat Starer wrote:Q. What's purple and commutes?
A. An abelian grape.


Abelian just means order is insignifigant.
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Re: real fast math joke...

Postby gronank on Tue Jun 28, 2011 6:34 pm

this thread has been dead for half a decade, this might be a good time to bring it to life, if only temporarily.

What has a liberal arts degree in common with the imaginary constant? neither has any real value.
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Re:

Postby daftbeaker on Tue Jun 28, 2011 6:40 pm

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
They worked it out with a pencil :idiot:

PsiPro wrote:Math Pick-up line of the week:
I wish i were a derivative so i could lie tangent to your curves.

This made me crack up.... nobody else has had the same reaction :(

Biology version - I wish I was DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes :scientist:
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But why is the rum gone?!
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