Religious Jokes Central

[Bob the Unbeliever]

One day, Satan was stewing down in Hell, and trying to think of how he could get the 'better' of his arch-rival, Jesus.

He finally hit upon a strategy: a contest would decide who was the superior deity.

Satan immediately appealed to God, to set up the contest. Various venues were suggested, but it was finally settled, that Satan and Jesus would have a COMPUTING contest, using PC's made up (or down) on Earth.

So, each chose his favorite PC, and settled in to the computing contest.

They both worded in word processors, they spread those spread-sheets, they presented those power-points, they computed the data in the databases. They photoed-the photo shops, they googled the internet, they e-mailed the e-mails - in short, for 8 solid hours, both Satan and Jesus PC'd like there was no tomorrow.

The contest was set to end at precisely 10 hours.

9 hours, and 50 minutes, Satan let out a most amazing scream --- there was a power failure! Both Jesus' and Satan's PC's blinked twice, and went dead.

Then, after a minute, the power came back on, and the PC's were up again ...

But, Satan let out an even MORE amazing scream again -- "It's LOST! All my work: LOST--RUINED--TOAST--KAPUT--GONE" *followed by a string of profanity like as never heard previously in all of Eternity*

But, Jesus, on the other hand, just sat back with a small smile ... sort of like the one on the Mona Lisa.

Finally, Satan's rant ran down enough, that he noticed Jesus' smile. Satan exclaimed, "What are YOU smiling about?"

And God answered: "That's easy, Satan .... "





"Jesus Saves"


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Seen on a bumper-sticker the other day:

"Jesus Saves Souls ---

--- and redeems them for valuable prizes!"

[diego]

That reminds me of


Jesus saves ... the rest of you take 100d10 damage.

[St John the Blasphemist]

Found written on a wall:

Jesus Saves, Moses Invests - But only Buddha pays Dividends

St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Graffiti

[Dr. Otis Lansa]

Church

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!" The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity." The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon that I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"

The preacher said, "No shit?"

[MPTrooper]

Why do Priests where shorts in the shower?

They can't look down on the unemployed.

[deadgenome]

Here's a rather filthy yet simple joke that reduces my chance of rapture by at least a few thousand percent...

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I know Jesus loves me,
He swallows.

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my favourite jesus joke tho is the one on my signature...

Here's a very old joke that I got from a Neil Stevenson book...

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A pious young man is about to have sex with an experienced harlot and she asks him to slip a length of knotted sheep gut onto his manhood so as not to get her pregnant.

As he is doing this he asks 'If I am wearing this, perhaps it means that we are not really having sex and so therefore it is not a sin?'

The harlot looks at him with a smile and replies 'Many religious folk hold that view when it suits them, though if it is not we who are having sex, then you might have to explain to your maker why it is you are sodomising a dead sheep.'

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[Land Shark]

On the same line as the other Jesus jokes...

Jesus saves, but George Nelson withdraws! - George "Babyface" Nelson, 'O Brother, Where Art Thou?'