I can top that....

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

Ha...I blow my nose at your brag and counter with:

I've had Queen Anne's Revenge twice monthly for the last four years!

Ha! I've had Cronan's ship since I was a wee lad!

i've heard about yer "wee," lad & what it does to the ship's decking!

i've known Big Brenda since she was Itty-bitty Brenda & Admiral Benbough was a (nervous) cabin-bhoy!

[Pirate Johnson]

I cun Reed Guder tan hue!

[Edd]

I done got my learnin’ from the rootinest tootinest teachers Texas has to offer.

*spits tobackee into non-existent spittoon which still results in a pinging sound*

[Wawizzle]

I got my learnin' from Elmer Fudd.

[black bart]

Ha...I blow my nose at your brag and counter with:

I've had Queen Anne's Revenge twice monthly for the last four years!

Ha! I've had Cronan's ship since I was a wee lad!

i've heard about yer "wee," lad & what it does to the ship's decking!

i've known Big Brenda since she was Itty-bitty Brenda & Admiral Benbough was a (nervous) cabin-bhoy!

Harrrr mateys...I helped transport Big Brenda up off the sand bank she became beached on shortly after the Late Mesolithic Period.

[Pirate Johnson]

I can make anyone I want grow a vagina where thier penis was before. Still working on the tits part.

[Artec]

I can lift the titanic from the bottom of the sea with my bare hands and a spoon!

[Wawizzle]

I can lift the titanic up from the ocean floor with my penis, while standing on top of the Eiffel tower.

[ken worley]

I can lift the titanic up from the ocean floor with my penis, while standing on top of the Eiffel tower.

I can spear your penis off the ocean floor, from the deck of a ship, using only the eiffel tower.

(this only uses a tiny portion of my rippedness, but demonstrates the laserlike acuity of my vision, which has been likened to a telephoto microscope.)

[black bart]

Eiffel Tower? Bah Humbug...I've been up the Eiffel Tower and Joan Collins in the same afternoon.

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

Eiffel Tower? Bah Humbug...I've been up the Eiffel Tower and Joan Collins in the same afternoon.

..

so that was you, eh? she had said something about having a man come round the back because her cistern needed unplugging &, of course, i thought she meant at her flat..

[Artec]

I can fly around the world in 1/299,792,458 of a second and be in time for lunch

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Bah! I can fly around the world so fast that I can leave at 9pm and be back for breakfast on the same day!

[black bart]

Bah! I can fly around the world so fast that I can leave at 9pm and be back for breakfast on the same day!

Didn't you say you live out in the out back...it would take you hours just to get to the airport!

Whereas I can be in Heathrow airport in about ten minutes...then give them a couple of hours to check me in and lose my luggage, flight delay due to protests against the third runway...I can fly around the world in about 40 hours and be back, minus my luggage, in time for tea the following Tuesday.

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

Bah! I can fly around the world so fast that I can leave at 9pm and be back for breakfast on the same day!

Didn't you say you live out in the out back...it would take you hours just to get to the airport!

Whereas I can be in Heathrow airport in about ten minutes...then give them a couple of hours to check me in and lose my luggage*, flight delay due to protests against the third runway...I can fly around the world in about 40 hours and be back, minus my luggage, in time for tea the following Tuesday.

*bart, what about the extra 45 minutes for the "full-monty, body cavity search"? (erm, i forgot--you're Welsh, so add another half-hour to the "f-mbcs"..hope ya brought a fluffy pillow)