Ongoing Pun Competition

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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby Tigger_the_Wing on Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:58 pm

I had a pet parrot. I called her Polly Andrea. She had a lot of husbands.



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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby Roy Hunter on Fri Oct 02, 2009 2:05 am

I used to know a girl who was proud, envious, wrathful and gluttonous. We got on well because I was slothful, lustful and greedy. We never got married, though: we just lived in sin.
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
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"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln.
"If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby black bart on Fri Oct 02, 2009 3:35 am

I had a relationship just like that...but we lived in Cardiff.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby TwistedSister on Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:03 am

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* You never know when I'll be watching.
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby daftbeaker on Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:23 am

:haha: :idiot:
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything - Friedrich Nietzsche

But why is the rum gone?!
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial on Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:53 am

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K Dick

OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
-- Dr. Joy

English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby TwistedSister on Fri Nov 06, 2009 2:24 pm

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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby Edd on Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:40 pm

I noticed over the weekend that few refugees from the recent earthquake disaster have started a new radio station in town. They only play classic rock. Their slogan is, 'Hits from the Sixties, Seventies, and Haitis!'


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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby Ham Nox on Mon Feb 01, 2010 7:07 pm

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck was CHUCK NORRIS!!!

Hmm... that sounded punnier in mah head :oops:
Bayes Theorum:
............................P(X|A) * P(A)
P(A|X) = -----------------------------------
...............P(X|A) * P(A) + P(X|~A) * P(~A)

If I have learnt anything, it is that life forms no logical patterns. It is haphazard and full of beauties which I try to catch as they fly by, for who knows whether any of them will ever return?
Margot Fonteyn

~*L'Nox ti notve*~
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby black bart on Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:13 am

Hurrah the puns are back...

Ham Nox went knocking
Knocking on Scotts door
She Knocked so much
The Knob fell off
Now Nox wont knock no more
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby Roland Deschain on Sat Mar 06, 2010 6:07 am

This one comes from a science text book we had at school. I can still remember it word for word:-

A mosquito was heard to complain,
That a chemist had poisoned his brain.
The cause of his sorrow was para dichloro-diphenyl-trichloroethane.

This is a pretty little ditty told to me by my dad. He first learnt it at school, so it must be at least 50 years old:-

Twas in the days of Babylon, when prostitutes were many.
Daniel said to the king "King. Talking of prostitutes, how's your wife?".
For this Daniel was put in the lion's den.
On the first day, the king said to Daniel "Daniel, how's your soul?".
"It aches" said Daniel.
"What aches?" said the king.
"Boll-aches" said Daniel, and the day was Daniel's.
On the Second day, the king said to Daniel "Daniel, how's your soul?".
"It tickles" said Daniel.
"What tickles?" said the king.
"Tes-tickles" said Daniel, and the day was Daniel's.
On the third day, Daniel saw the king coming and picked up a lump of crystalised camel dung, as camels were few in the days of Babylon, and threw it at the king, hitting him on the cheek.
"S**t!" said the king, and forty thousand a**holes bent to his command, as the king's word was law in the days of Babylon.
A princess who was watching this nearby said "Oh, f**k me!", and forty courtiers were killed in the rush, as her word was also law.
For this Daniel was banished to the wilderness for forty days and nights.
As Daniel entered the raggy baggy shaggy land, four raggy baggy bum bandits ragged him and shagged him, and left his pockets jingling and his balls tingling.
As Daniel entered the wilderness, a maiden stepped out and said "Wilt thou abide with me?", and he abode with her.
At the end of the forty days, Daniel left the wilderness, and the same maiden as before stepped out and said "Daniel. I'm going to have a baby. What steps are you going to take?".
"F*****g great big ones" said Daniel, as he disappeared over the hill and was never heard from again.....
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby Ham Nox on Sat May 29, 2010 8:58 am

I used this one on a friend recently:
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You've just got lei'd!
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby DavidH on Sat May 29, 2010 1:24 pm

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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby daftbeaker on Sat May 29, 2010 2:51 pm

What's the difference between a magician's wand and a policeman's truncheon?

A magicians wand is used for cunning stunts :blush:
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Re: Ongoing Pun Competition

Postby Roland Deschain on Sat May 29, 2010 6:22 pm

Look DB. Any more like that and i'll punt you out of here. :haha:
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