For dinner I'm having black eyed peas for the first time, assuming nobody else has eaten them already. I don't know what sort of fat to put on black eyed peas, olive oil, butter, or something else. I'll have to ask my mother.
I need to get back on the can-o'-beans-a-day regimen. Filling, tasty, satisfying, easy, healthy.
Eating small meals isn't the problem though, so much as eating three or four small meals, instead of eight or nine.
<--anger at self, anger that burns furiously. I WILL harness this anger and direct it toward a healthier lifestyle! I AM in control! I AM! FORGET the pain and agony I've been through since I got out of the psych ward! It's my own damned fault! I need to get the hell out of the house, and walk every day I spend at home (six days a week), and EAT A WHOLE DAMN LOT LESS! I don't just need to, I WANT to! I don't WANT to wear only the two pairs of fat pants I saved to wear as comfy pajamas, as my daily clothing! THIS WILL NOT CONTINUE! I am STRONG! I WILL succeed! My nice black jeans and khaki carpenter pants WILL fit me again! They WILL! I CAN and WILL use the therapy techniques I've been taught by my therapist and by the psych ward staff and patients! I will NOT say "I can't handle it" lightly! I am STRONG! I have the WILL, I have the ABILITY, and I have the MOTIVATION! I am NOT going to die an early death from cardiac arrest, suicide, or atrophy of the body! I am STRONG! I am ABLE! I AM A PIRATE! ARRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!