Virgins v Strippers

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

Moderator: All Things Mods

Postby WWIR Loves Pasta on Wed Sep 14, 2005 4:08 pm

So those of us who are happiest when being crafty can have a knitting circle composed of other followers, and strippers...Interesting.
WWIR Loves Pasta
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 16
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2005 4:33 pm


Postby black bart on Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:22 am

And lo the FSM came upon some young ladies who were removing a layer of old paint from a door frame,

And the FSM sayeth unto them:

I will make thee Strippers of men...
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
User avatar
black bart
Resident Weevil
Posts: 25876
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
Location: London

Postby His Colonel of Pasta on Sat Dec 10, 2005 2:05 am

Was that in PP or is it just me?

Who need 72 virgins when you have UNLIMITED strippers.
The FSM is forgiving and offers us a FACTORY of strippers.
His Colonel of Pasta
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Dec 10, 2005 12:36 am
Location: Philadelphia PA

Postby Ermintrude on Sat Dec 10, 2005 7:43 am

Religion query: Some queries about the 72 virgins in the heaven for musilm martyrs.

I don't know much about Islam so some backround would be good. And apologies if any comments show my ignorance.

Would the virgins remain virgins. (If not that would seem to go against the the teachings you were instructed to obay in life) ?

If the martyr followed a branch os Islam where women are expected to wear a burker. Would female virgins wear a burka in heaven?

Does it specify the sex of the virgins. If so what about female martyrs of Islam.?

Are the virgins other souls who have passed through an earthly existance or are they just there (or produced like the FSM stripper factory). If they are souls do they have a choice of martyr?
User avatar
Maccheroncelli Missionary
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 10:37 am
Location: London

Postby LibraLabRat on Sat Dec 10, 2005 7:50 am

Forget virgins:


Just a question for some of us with "ahem" slightly more niche oriented tastes in female companionship...

Plump strippers? Tall strippers? and dare I say it...

Pregnant strippers? (before the ensuing flame war erupts, I happen to think that a pregnant woman is the most goddess like thing on this to my fiancee if I can ever convince her to put on the Xena, Warrior Princess outfit I got her.....)
'There are no atheists in foxholes' isn't an argument against atheism, it's an argument against foxholes."
-James Morrow
User avatar
Humble Hermit
Posts: 1663
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2005 7:29 am
Location: Denham Springs, LA

Postby Ermintrude on Sat Dec 10, 2005 9:41 am

A pregnant stripper fiancee in a Xena, Warrior Princess outfit :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
User avatar
Maccheroncelli Missionary
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 10:37 am
Location: London

Re: Virgins v Strippers

Postby MaryTRobot on Sun Dec 11, 2005 7:11 pm

wavering wrote:I notice that you guys are promising a stripper factory in heaven, which is a pretty good start BUT the Moslems, are offering me 72 virgins if I become a martyr....

Well actually that's a lie, or rather a misinterpretation. First off it was interpreted as "7 white virgins" are given to martyrs, but recently a some scholars retranslated the Koran from it's orrigional text and found there was a slight problem, you see white raisens were coveted delicacy back in the day the Koran was written, so after reinterpreting it, they found that martyrs are actually given "7 white raisens" (by the way I am not joking)

So, as much as I'd love to try white raisens, I think I'll stick to the strippers.
They say Guns don't kill people, people kill people...but I think the gun helps

~Eddie Izzard
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Nov 22, 2005 3:14 am
Location: Gernovia

Postby Rasti on Sun Dec 11, 2005 7:48 pm

In Heaping Helping, We'll get strippers, grog, AND 7 white raisins, plus a near infinite amount of raisin's

It's a gonna rise!!! :twisted:

and fall,

sleep, then grog

Then down south shall rise AGAIN!!!! :twisted:
'We must Dissent', for the noodles ;)
A Validus Noodle , Pro valde Pax
User avatar
Farfalle First Mate
Posts: 524
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 11:51 am
Location: Florida: Manipulating Hurricanes in his Noodley Name ;)

Postby MusMusculus on Sun Dec 18, 2005 3:53 am

Ermintrude wrote:Religion query: Some queries about the 72 virgins in the heaven for musilm martyrs.

I don't know much about Islam so some backround would be good. And apologies if any comments show my ignorance.

This is an interesting article: ... 57,00.html

and this sounds pretty interesting:

The sensual pleasures are graphically elaborated by Al-Suyuti (died 1505 ), Koranic commentator and polymath. He wrote: "Each time we sleep with a houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [ie Muslim] will marry seventy [sic] houris, besides the women he married on earth, and all will have appetising vaginas."

(Would I need to alert my doctor in case of erections over 4 hours?)
User avatar
Bucatini Buccanneer
Posts: 220
Joined: Sat Sep 17, 2005 12:02 pm
Location: Afghanistan, no wait ... Wisconsin

Postby fusiontortellini on Sun Dec 18, 2005 7:24 pm

Check out Robin Williams: Live on Broadway for his interpretation.

Especially the "72 Virginians" bit. :wink:
Who really might actually be back this time . . .

May the Fiori be with you. And may It have Meatballs.
User avatar
Agnolini Admiral
Posts: 882
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2005 7:16 pm
Location: Boston, MA

Re: Virgins v Strippers

Postby Ham Nox on Fri Nov 27, 2009 5:21 pm

IMDB wrote:Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Wait, if I'm dead, that means I get my 72 virgins!
[looks at audience]
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Are you my virgins? I hope not.
Jeff Dunham: Why?
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: There's a bunch of ugly-ass guys out there!

30-year-old male geeks living in their parents' basements are virgins too!
I'm all up for running myself through the factory. Not something I'd do in real life, due to a wide variety of highly undesirable things that tend to come with being sexually promiscuous in the real world..
Bayes Theorum:
............................P(X|A) * P(A)
P(A|X) = -----------------------------------
...............P(X|A) * P(A) + P(X|~A) * P(~A)

If I have learnt anything, it is that life forms no logical patterns. It is haphazard and full of beauties which I try to catch as they fly by, for who knows whether any of them will ever return?
Margot Fonteyn

~*L'Nox ti notve*~
User avatar
Ham Nox
Mystic of Meatball
Posts: 2600
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 9:44 pm
Location: Utah


Return to Scripture and Lore

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests