Heaven

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

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Postby Ushnor on Fri Sep 16, 2005 6:53 pm

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Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Sat Sep 17, 2005 8:31 am

very close, my idea has the pastafarians having the east side, and the beer mountains (either mountians with beer mines, or beer volcanoes) to the north, stirpper facotyr, buss station, and itallian diner are all there. to the west is the endless caribbian.

tell me how to put a picutre up here! i don't know how, but i have a rough sketch of heaven.

nice profile by the way.
(my dad wishes he were a viking)

RAmen
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Postby Ushnor on Sat Sep 17, 2005 4:52 pm

to post a picture, first host it here:
http://imageshack.us/

Then, pick the bottem option that says "Direct link to your picture"
Then, you can post the direct link so people can go to it, or if it's smaller, put it on the page by putting the link URL inside of IMG tags.

An img tag is:
[img]PICTURE%20URL[/img]
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Postby kymii on Tue Sep 20, 2005 1:53 pm

I think that the heaven will be a lot of islands, we can pilage all we want from these islands and other towns, but not from other believers, though, as we will have what we need, we won't have to pilage. The non-believers ect...not only get crappy beer, but get ugly strippers and aren't allowed pasta and other holy foods.
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Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Tue Sep 20, 2005 4:18 pm

two things, A) i cant get image shack to work for me, it just stops loading.

B) this is the final time i am saying this in this thread. HALF of the infinitenss of heaven is for the Pastafarians. the OTHER HALF is the endless carribean.

also, one time (I may add this to the bible or not) the serpent Atkins found his way into heaven, overturned a bus leading to the Bus Station near the Beer Volcanoe, and let the people go, and they became his first spirit followers. they found their way to a section of beach farther south than the Pastafarians will ever go. and Thus did they call it South Beach. because of Atkins growing power, he now has to ability to take his followers and seperate them from the Bus Riders.
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple' :moon:


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Postby Cerberus on Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:38 pm

And what you were there? Or did you just hear it on good authority? "I heard from a friend of my sister's boyfriend's cousin's auntie's dog, that he'd talked to the great weevil and it'd told him this"

Pah i say PAH!
Religious war at its very simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.

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Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:55 pm

excuse me if you have a problem with normal people being touched by his noodly appendage! its happening all the time on the forums if you don't like it when the FSM uses whatever bodies of flesh are near him to put stuff on the forums, go complain to him.
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple' :moon:


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Postby Cerberus on Tue Sep 20, 2005 10:19 pm

He hears everthing all the time, its quite a talant i can tell you. And i'd much rather complain to you. I just don't think you should give it on good authority what heaven ACTUALLY is unless you have the information to back it up. You can only speculate on what heaven is because A) you've never been there, and b) everything outside of the beer volcano and stripper factory is a personal optional extra.

So don't impose what you WANT heaven to be like on what other people want heaven to be like. Its not healthy.
Religious war at its very simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.

Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Tue Sep 20, 2005 10:31 pm

OOOOOOH..... i get it now.

i guess i went a little control freaky there.. yeah, do wahtever the hell you want.

I'm going to cry now.... :cry:
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple' :moon:


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Postby Cerberus on Tue Sep 20, 2005 10:48 pm

Nah its cool to have an opinion on what you thinking the next etherial plane will be but i just don't like it being imposed on others. Which is one of the reasons i don't consider myself a Catholic any more.
Religious war at its very simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.

Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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Postby AZPaul3 on Wed Sep 21, 2005 12:27 am

In His honor, the Anelli and the Ziti of all creation, pesto be onto Him.

There are just too many speculations about FSM heaven and whether there is some kind of FSM hell (which there isn’t). He is too beneficent and too forgiving a deity to subject His creation to the tortures and the pains associated with what those heathens call hell.

Let me clear up the controversy.

Heaven is where all of us go, every one of us, the devout, the heathens, even the democrats.

The devout Pastafarian lives in the suburbs surrounding the Holy City in a house or an apartment, a mansion or a tent, a townhouse or a hotel, with others or alone, whatever is his/her desire. And he may change accommodations whenever and to whatever as may suite his present mood and desire. He drives, peddles, swims, walks, pogo sticks, (you choose) into the Holy City to the Devine Restaurants (of which there are every kind) to partake in any kind/form of meal. As one may desire one can go to the stores (of which there is every kind) procure with cash, credit card, or just a friendly smile, all the necessary tools and ingredients to cook up their own gastronomic wonder back in their own kitchen laid out and equipped as a chef so desires.

The Beer Volcano is, as has been discussed, so named because in His revelation, our Prophet The Blessed Bobby, so desired beer. More so this is a beverage volcano known to produce any beverage in any state the devout Pastafarian in heaven may so want. And the beverage bottlers provide the Pastafarian’s favorites to every place he/she may go including his presently chosen habitat.

Forms of entertainment are vast and varied. The Devine Stripper Factory outputs every kind, shape, size, style, sex and color of stripper as may be desired, and the bars, clubs, restaurants of every design and décor have constant shows for the Pastafarian’s pleasure.

Great ships are provided and manned so that every so minded Pastafarian may don the Sacred Regalia with eye patch and parrot and set sail as Captain to plunder to his hearts content in a sea of vast expanse with islands of naked natives and treasure galore.

If Pastafarians of a mercantile bent want to buy a club, a restaurant, a homestead and flip it for a quick profit there is ample opportunity.

If like minded Pastafarians decide to build and race model helicopters, sit and play Euchre and Blackjack, attend the movies new and old, hold discussion groups on the principles of quantum gravity, explore life forms in other galaxies, workout in splendidly appointed gyms, or just recline and contemplate the Noodlyness of the Devine One, there is ample opportunity.

Though money is of no concern in heaven, if the Pastafarian so desires, all manner of commerce, trade and banking service is provided. If he/she cares to dabble in the Saucy Stock Market trading equities of the various stores, shops, bars, beverage bottlers, clubs, stripper factories and such, there will be ample opportunity. And if he desires great profit it shall be so. If he desires to lose his shirt, it shall be so.

The heathen lives far to the north of the Holy City in The Heathen’s Dorm. The dorm rooms accommodate 12 to a room, have bunk beds, common showers and restrooms down the hall and offer no day/game room facilities. The heathen travels aboard a school bus to the Holy City where he/she works at retail jobs as waitress, stock boy, cart wrangler or clerk in the stores, shops, bars, clubs, restaurants and theaters or as bottle washer, bus driver, delivery boy, day maid or mechanic in the various organizations in The City.

The heathen’s meal consists of bland corned beef and cabbage, a small bowl of cold borscht, lukewarm water and no dessert. This is every meal on every day save the Sacred Sabbath. On the Sacred Sabbath their meal consists of plain cold pasta without sauce or garnish of any kind as a reminder of their past heathenness.

As the ever forgiving, the ever beneficent One Of Noodlynness commands, the heathen’s time in toil is only temporary and continues until his/her faith has sufficiently grown to join the Pastafarian.

This is the afterlife promised by the Devine al Dente.

So it is in the Book of Teresa (somewhat embellished (apologies to Little Bird)).

May the Sauce be with you.

And, no, the streets are not paved with gold, but with lasagna. And don’t worry about the crinkly edges; the ride is always smooth and comfortable, except in the school bus.
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Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Wed Sep 21, 2005 5:36 pm

AZPaul3 wrote:More so this is a beverage volcano known to produce any beverage in any state the devout Pastafarian in heaven may so want.


even kool-aide? yay for kool-aide!!!

here's a twist on the traditional heaven Bobby talked about.

beer factory and stripper volcano.

now tell me how many times you had to read that sentence.

that's right. Stripper volcano.

an ACTIVE stripper volcano.

"and so it was set, that on every blue moon (which actually happen twice a month in heaven), the stripper volcano wouldst explode, raining down strippers of everypersons fancy right next to them."
-book of WTF?

(book of WTF would be filled with humoruos parodies and stories about pastafarian religion)

although beer factories ARE found on earth... maybe if we look hard enough, we'll find a stripper volcano.
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple' :moon:


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Postby tine-is-on-my-side on Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:02 pm

I am intrigued by this book of WTF, and look forward to a possible compilation of scriptures to be included in said book. If this is not found to be a suitable inclusion into the canon, perhaps we could just now be giving birth to the first heretical text of the Pastafarians.

As to the potential stripper volcano, I think that the FSM in HIS Infinate Noodly Wisdom woulld have the strippers raining down HOLDING beer, so as to make the biweekly explosions more special.

As to the beer volcaono, I was wondering if something could be clarified: Will beer be the only malt liquor that rains down, or will it also produce a good stout (i.e. Guinness)?

May HIS pesto reign for all eternity.
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Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:17 pm

remember, all kinds of beverages.

or liquid for that matter, but I'd stick with beverages. so yes, all kinds, including KOOL-AIDE!
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple' :moon:


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Postby Cerberus on Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:25 pm

Enlighten me please, what exactly IS Kool aide?
Religious war at its very simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.

Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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