Heaven

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Heaven

Postby onlainari on Wed Sep 07, 2005 1:46 am

Everyone goes to Heaven. Even those that don't believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or those that break our flimsy moral standards. Everyone goes to Heaven, with a beer volcanoe, a stripper factory, and of course an unlimited supply of pasta (or pizza, if you really want).

Some people believe that the beer volcanoe only produces one kind of beer. This is clearly untrue. Some people even believe that the beer volanoe only produces beer. I don't know where they got that idea from. The beer volcanoe produces every kind of beverage.

Sinners of course can only get crappy beer for an eternity, and aren't allowed near the stripper factory. But Pastafarianism doesn't have a Hell in any other respect. Sinners should be punished while on earth, however, as the Flying Spaghetti Monster is omniscient, he provides a fail safe system to make sure all sinners are punished. With crappy beer.
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Postby onlainari on Wed Sep 07, 2005 3:03 am

The idea is of course that everyone goes to a place they want. And if you seriously don't want a stripper factory and a beer volcanoe - that produces every kind of beverage - then, technically, I'd say you still get to go where you want. And if you like the idea, but think you should get cigars etc as well, then of course, you get your cigars or whatever it is you want as well.

But it's impossible to break our flimsy moral standards in heaven. It just is, ok?
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Postby Little Bird on Mon Sep 12, 2005 4:46 pm

According to the vision of the :fsm: that appeared to me and told me to write the Book of Teresa, everyone goes to heaven. But the jerks have to work retail at the holy meal restaurants and stripper factory until they have paid their penance.

All Hail the wisdom of the :fsm:!
The book of Teresa
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Postby wavering on Mon Sep 12, 2005 5:36 pm

If everybody gets to heaven but it is graded ( eg good beer v crappy beer ) then seems to me you have just created different classes of heaven so may as well have heaven, hades, hell etc Or is it a question of degree? So nobody really suffers? But shouldn't the ID crowd suffer a bit or do we forgive them for they know not what they do ( but since when was ignorance a valid excuse? )
So many questions ...
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Postby Cerberus on Mon Sep 12, 2005 10:53 pm

Everyone is equal in heaven. It wouldn't matter about grading people for whatever they believed in the former life as long as they tried to be flimsy, occaisionly spoke like a pirate and DIDN'T SUPPORT IDIOTS CONTROLING COUNTRIES.

However, even if they didn't no grading would be necessary as we could just gloat over the fact that they ended up in OUR heaven, and that we were right.

It'd be enough punishment i say.
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Postby Cynicus on Tue Sep 13, 2005 1:22 am

I think the placement in heaven is based on your worhtyness. The most worther get the nice houses within walking distance of the Beer Volcanoe, etc. While those preaching ID... and certain political figures, have to live waaaaaaaaaay out in the crappy section of heaven. These people will have to take the bus.

Let the punishment fit the crime.


EDIT: This also leads to a great curse "Let you forever ride the bus". I'ts got a certain ring to it.
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Postby wavering on Tue Sep 13, 2005 4:32 am

Firstly is there a guide to avatar installation - my guess is that it only works if you have more than x posts where x > 4 so why no avatar?

Now the serious bit. Does anybody have a map of heaven? Presumably the FSM allocates space on some basis but hopefully we can trade? Bear in mind that a heaven without trading would be very boring for those of us with a mercantile inclination. So, I would like to be located up close to the stripper factory but well away from the beer volcano, please.
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Postby celtic_mike on Tue Sep 13, 2005 11:43 am

Would would you peddle in heaven though? Wouldnt we have everything we need already?

Or are you suggesting selling good beer to the crappy beer drinkers?!?!

If so, BLASPHEMER!!!!!!!!!! :fsm_angry:

otherwise, carry on my good sir.



Might you have any exotic types of oregano available for purchase?
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Postby wavering on Wed Sep 14, 2005 4:37 am

Well, even in heaven only one person can live in one spot so there is great scope for real estate sales .... mind you, it does raise the question of what you could do with the money you made ... in fact, what the hell are we meant to do all day ( beer and strippers notwithstanding )?
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I Have Been Touched By His Noodly Appendage

Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Wed Sep 14, 2005 6:22 pm

wavering wrote:in fact, what the hell are we meant to do all day ( beer and strippers notwithstanding )?


immediatly after reading this i thought about it and was touched by his noddly appendage. would heaven not have seas to be pirates upon? but, how can one be a pirate without land to pillage? would beer be as rewarding if not pilfered?

in heaven, there is also a great sea, with a bunch of cool islands. some include cool coves and secret pirate hiding places, some are lands where non-pastafarians live, and live more less the way their reliegeon states, but they are eternally pillaged and pilfered by the Pastafarian Pirates. this "eternal Caribbian" is quite infinite, especially since people are creating releigions left and right (*cough*), many of which only include one person. also, with more islands of non-Pastafarians, you must have more islands with cool hiding places. people of these other relgion believing islands are free to convert to pastafarianism in the after-life IF this is because they did not know about Pastafariamism (the only logical excuse for not being pastafarian. if you know you can get a beer volcanoe and a stripper factory, what are you wating for?).

thus in the afterlife, you may be a pirate forever, or juts get drunk and laid. personally I'd go with the pirates, but im not saying getting drunk and laid all the time for eternity is bad either.

and nobody can say "thats not true, this is true" because, obvoisly, I'd rip out your spine, bash you to near-death with it, and then remove your heart via rusty steakknife.

whats that? ooh, yeah, and because I didn't make this up. the FSM did. so there


nyah.

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Postby Ushnor on Wed Sep 14, 2005 8:58 pm

In heaven every religion gets it's own island. All have their own island, but us pastafarians are the only ones that can cross from island to island to plunder!

Only the owners of an island can go up the beer volcano to collect beer on there own island. They must do all the work to get it, and still it tastes like average or even crappy beer. But for us who may steal it, it tastes like the greatest beers!

But the pastafarians also get their own island, on witch they need not go up the mountain to get beer like others do, but instead have it sent to them. This beer, which they get from their own island, is not as good as the stuff they can steal though, for the Great Noodly One wishes us to live a pirates life!

So every pastafarian in the after-life gets to choose if they want to stay on the island with the striper factory and the good beer, or take there strippers to other islands, and plunder some amazing beer, as the FSM intends us to…

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Postby Ushnor on Wed Sep 14, 2005 10:01 pm

Is there pasta in heaven?
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Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Thu Sep 15, 2005 6:43 am

Ushnor wrote:Is there pasta in heaven?


erm, HELL YES

i don't believe bobby said this originally, but it has been said in the forums and its kinda obvoius its there. the great itallian diner in heaven, huge enough for everyone in there.

one person said that sinners must serve there, but i think in addition to those people, some strippers should have a day-job at the diner. whee!

to clear some things up, people on these islands are here if they know not of the great FSM, if they do, but still don't worship him, they must ride the bus.
the FSm island is more of a mainland, because its so big and cool. but i suppose it is just an island.

and its not one island for every reliegon. (christians people.) its many islands for bigger releigons, of course. and don't forget the cool hiding places!

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Postby Ushnor on Thu Sep 15, 2005 6:05 pm

Aw, I knew there was pasta in heaven, but it wasn't listed and I didn't want to go threw the trouble of righting it out. :wink:

If there is water between the islands, they must be flying busses. Or maybe boat busses, but that's not as cool. And we all know that He would do what was cool.

But the busses would have smelly hobos and crazy people on it, so that it well not be a cool ride, even with the flying.


Also there well be lots of penguins in heaven. Penguins are awesome.
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Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:26 pm

well, penguins will be in the northern islands of course. this IS and endless caribbian. also, i dont think i was clear. half of the infinteness is a caribbian, and the other half is the mainland of noodleness (not its actual name). to the north of the mainland (where pastafarians go) is the great beer mountians. the main area will have the stripper factory and whatnot. the bus station is in the south west corner, and the trip goes southwest for eternity, so its a regular bus with regular hobo's, and it just goes through a desert basically. with less cactuses.

make sure everything is clear, the message must be sent out well and clear. or else we are doomed to stpuidity.

stupid stupidity.

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