Secret Handshake

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

Moderator: All Things Mods

richardchaven
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:41 pm
Location: Santa Cruz, California (oh, just get over it)
Contact:

Secret Handshake

Postby richardchaven » Wed Aug 31, 2005 11:47 pm

I have been trying to work out a subtle (?) hand
signal that Pastafarians can flash to each other. The
best I have come up with is the first and third
fingers curled tightly (the meatballs), the second
finger curled (for obvious reasons) but a little
forward of the 1st and 3rd, and the pinky and thumb
curled diaganally forward (as noodles).

It hurts like hell (I cannot even come close to a
Vulcan salute), and people were looking at me
strangely in the restaurant where I was ... developing
it. Ah well, I'm prepared for a little persecution.

Whadda think?

User avatar
devodave
Maccheroncelli Missionary
Posts: 37
Joined: Sat Aug 20, 2005 12:37 pm
Location: North Carolina

Postby devodave » Thu Sep 01, 2005 12:38 am

Genius!
I salute thee!
<writhes in pain as hand performs the salute>
Subtlety be damned, let's show we're willing to suffer for our faith!
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards." -Mark Twain

unixrat
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:37 pm
Location: Northfield, MN
Contact:

A better one

Postby unixrat » Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:44 pm

A better secret handshake would be a normal handshake with all your fingers wiggling, symbolizing The Glorious Touch Of His Noodly Appendages.

richardchaven
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:41 pm
Location: Santa Cruz, California (oh, just get over it)
Contact:

Postby richardchaven » Sat Sep 03, 2005 2:01 am

And how does that honor the meatballs?

That handshake could be for a soba god, or an octopus god.

All Praise the Flying SPAGETTI Monster

unixrat
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:37 pm
Location: Northfield, MN
Contact:

Postby unixrat » Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:51 am

Brother richardchaven, thou dost try too hard. A league of worshippers, crippled from the secret meatball shake, is not what the Almighty FSM wishes. However, if you really want to honor the meatballs, consider adding a 'crotch grab' to it.

So, handshake...
First part: 'Normal' right-hand handshake with wiggling fingers (symbolizing The Divine Touch).
Seconde part: While doing the first, truly righteous worshippers use their left hand to grab their own groin, symbolizing the holy meatballs.

I had to emphasize the symbolic aspect of it, so as not to exclude those of a female persuasion.

This may violate your 'subtle' wish a little, so perhaps the Holy Meatball aspect can be reserved for houses of worship.

unixrat
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:37 pm
Location: Northfield, MN
Contact:

Postby unixrat » Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:54 am

I can also see that there is a competing Handshake of Noodles in another thread.

Perhaps we need some divine intervention.

richardchaven
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:41 pm
Location: Santa Cruz, California (oh, just get over it)
Contact:

Postby richardchaven » Sat Sep 03, 2005 11:08 am

"...grab their own groin..."

Rather sexist, no? <G> The FSM is beyond petty human gender. We use the masculin pronoun because we are unable to comprehend the true being that is FSM.

On other words: meatballs <> boy balls

Yours in Pasta

User avatar
toasterhead
Cannelloni Cannoneer
Posts: 122
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2005 10:30 am
Location: Washington, DC
Contact:

Postby toasterhead » Sat Sep 03, 2005 11:13 am

richardchaven wrote:"...grab their own groin..."

Rather sexist, no? <G> The FSM is beyond petty human gender. We use the masculin pronoun because we are unable to comprehend the true being that is FSM.

On other words: meatballs <> boy balls

Yours in Pasta
Women have groins too, last time I checked...


Granted, that was a long time ago... :(
Image

User avatar
VeryGnawty
Bucatini Buccanneer
Posts: 196
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:33 pm
Contact:

Postby VeryGnawty » Sat Sep 03, 2005 11:26 am

That handshake sounds complicated.

As an alternative, could we use the "reverse butt kiss"
"Once, people only flew in their dreams. Now, they dream during their flights." - Howard Hendrix, Better Angels

Stex
Ziti Zealot
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2005 8:45 am
Location: England

Postby Stex » Sun Sep 04, 2005 9:41 am

Honering the meatballs is indeed a tricky challange. Maybe folding the thumb and 5th finger in to form 2 balls and then use the remaining middle 3 fingers for "noodling" the other pastafarian. It's the best i can come up with

User avatar
Lynne
Gnocchetti Galley Slave
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2005 11:21 pm
Location: Lynchburg, VA - home of the Antipasto Jerry Falwell

Postby Lynne » Sun Sep 04, 2005 10:25 am

Sorry, y'all, but I haven't been able to respond till now because I have been incapacitated, lying on the floor convulsed in hysterical laughter at the mental image of these various handshakes. :fsm_smile: Were we to engage in such "secret" salutations they wouldn't be secret for very long, I am telling you.

I suppose if I had to endure the pain involved in some of these, well, there are many things I might do for my Lard and Savioretta, Her Most Divine Noodliness; however, getting carted off to jail for doing a Michael Jackson in a public (nay, pubic) place does not seem a good way to convert followers.

On the third or fourth hand, I suppose the early Christian martyrs went to much greater lengths to attract a following, but then I suppose that might be why I am not a Christian.

:worship:
Blessed be, ye wenches and mateys.

Noodlyoodly
Fusilli Fuselier
Posts: 150
Joined: Fri Aug 05, 2005 1:43 pm

handshake with both hands at the same time

Postby Noodlyoodly » Tue Sep 06, 2005 3:39 pm

I am laughing so hard that I can barely type.

I propose a handshake *with both hands at the same time* starting with a circle made by the thumb and forefinger to symbolize the Holy Meatball, while at the same time waving/twining the third, fourth, and fifth fingers to symbolize the Noodly Appendages. (People might think you were signing/using Sign Language, but that is simply another instance of the Great FSM showing His/Her omnipresence! Now we know how Sign Language was inspired!) :lol:
The pasta is the life.

In Pastalidarity, NOOOD

Follower
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 4:27 pm
Contact:

Postby Follower » Tue Sep 06, 2005 4:34 pm

I like the sound of that one. I think that the holy FSM would approve.
It will come again in glory to judge the pasta and the rice.


Return to “Scripture and Lore”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests