And so it came to pass that pirates found other things to do, and became ex-pirates. And there was great boredom and lack of merriment in the land. Not all of it, mind you, just in a lot of places.
And lo, the temperature rose, and it become uncomfortably warm in many places. Several species of penguin complained, and were beaten for speaking out of line.
And the infinitely wise Flying Spaghetti Monster found this to be a very bad thing, for if it was too warm, many people just ordered out for pizza, instead of partaking in a homecooked meal of holy pasta. Plus, there was a greivous lack of drunken sea chanties being sung, and His Noodlyness was bored.
And so He proclaimed that pirates were to be venerated, and lo, many men and women became pirates, and there was much drinking and merry-making, and much ramen was eaten in celebration.
However, since many of the pirates had bills to pay and children to feed, they became weekend pirates, which was just as good, because even without the piratical regalia, inside they remained the same swashbucklers.
Thus was born the Modern Pirate.
Call me Queen <3