As the last minutes of His Glorious Friday pass, it is my privilege to ask you a question, my Brothers and Sisters in The Noodly Lord.
It is my humble understanding that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the One, True Noodly Lord our God, singularly groovy King of the Universe and provider of the Fruit of the Spaghetti Tree. Verily, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a just and caring God, who cares for his people and wishes them nothing but happiness.
Yet, the holy texts of other religions claim that their God has engaged in acts of horrible violence, against his own chosen people and others. Some claim that God killed many in a great flood, or with fire, or by directing His People to kill non-believers.
And so I ask you, my Sisters and Brothers Touched by His Noodly Appendage: Were the events recorded in these holy texts the acts of His Noodliness, or men, or simply myth? And if The Flying Spaghetti Monster did, indeed, commit these horrors, how can he be a groovy and laid-back God?
[Sorry if this has already been done, or if it's too over-the-top. I thought we might have fun with this.]