Use your Noodle! *Part 1 of a family discussion*
By the right good Saucier Hobart Watkins
Living life in todayâ€™s modern age, with its proliferation of rap music and hula hoops and what have you, it is sometimes hard to be the best Pastafarian you can be. Certainly the Great Noodle is all powerful and does his best to do everything for you all the time. But this is hard, and sometimes boring, and the Noodle needs a break every now and then. This unfortunately means that we occasionally have to make decisions for ourselves.
Yes, a frightful dilemma. But as I shall explain, it as a dilemma which you can turn al dente, as any problem can be turned, as long as you truly believe and donate.
What is the first step?
Good question. The first step is to realize that the Great Noodle is inside of us, all the time. Though he is far too busy to decide everything for us, he is still with us, rooting us on. He sees us when weâ€™re sleeping; he knows when weâ€™re awake. Heâ€™s watching you right now, and is likely ashamed of your actions.
Why, what the heck did I do?
Likely too much to mention, but do not fear. No one is perfect, with the exception of the Great Noodle Himselfâ€¦ and possibly Brad Pitt. When confronted with a moral decision, simply ask yourself; What Would the Flying Spaghetti Monster Do? (WWFSMD)
The likely answer is float around with his eyes wide open and his noodly appendages danglingâ€¦ and so that is what YOU must do as well. But in a more figurative and deep way.
Example A: Young Bobby and Young Billy are at the local shopping mall. Young Bobby sees a new plastic action toy he wants, and seeing no grown ups looking, slips it into his jacket. If YOU were Young Billy, what would you do? Would you tell your friend to put the toy back, knowing that it may risk your friendship with him?
The answer, of course, is to do nothing. For as the Great Noodle has said, â€œThou shouldnâ€™t be a snitch, for that is lame.â€ So keep your dirty mouth shut Young Billy. Young Bobby will have the action toy, which you can now play with, but you are free of blame. Certainly Young Bobby will boil in the terrible Marinara Pot for all eternity when he dies, but do not concern yourself, as your hands are clean. Truly it is a win/win situation.
Example 2: A father and his family decide to take their holy Friday off and spend some time in the park. While they are setting up a picnic lunch, the Father sees a pretty woman getting bothered by a gang of young roustabouts. If YOU were the Father what would you do?
Again, the answer is nothing. Sure, theyâ€™re bothering her, but thereâ€™s like SIX of themâ€¦ and theyâ€™re kinda big. As the Great Noodle has also said, â€œDonâ€™t be stupid.â€ There are cops in the park. Certainly theyâ€™ll notice and do something about it eventually. Remember, it is better to do nothing than it is to get stomped and look like a total wuss in front of your kids.
Example C: You are a Holy, good meaning, and handsome Saucier for the Great Noodle. The lady next door sometimes walks around her house half dressed. If YOU where meâ€¦ er, the Saucier in question, would it REALLY be so wrong to look at her from the window of your house? I mean REALLY? Sheâ€™s gotta be doing it for a reason, right? Say the wife in this purely hypothetical situation catches you watching from the window, are you wrong here? Why canâ€™t she get off my back! It was one little peek! Itâ€™s not like anything happened! Heck, if she showed any interest in me once in a while maybe I wouldnâ€™t have toâ€¦
SOâ€¦ the answer is of course you are right and she is wrong. As the Great Noodle spake, speakith, (spoked?); â€œLove thy neighbor.â€
Fun Family Activity: Plant little, unmarked presents around the house while your children are at school. Hide when they come home. When they see all the presents, do they start opening them? Now is the time you would come out of hiding and punish them severely.
All praise the lord of starch and justice!