Use your Noodle! *Part 1 of a family discussion*

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Use your Noodle! *Part 1 of a family discussion*

Postby Curtland on Mon Apr 10, 2006 10:39 am

Use your Noodle! *Part 1 of a family discussion*
By the right good Saucier Hobart Watkins

Living life in today’s modern age, with its proliferation of rap music and hula hoops and what have you, it is sometimes hard to be the best Pastafarian you can be. Certainly the Great Noodle is all powerful and does his best to do everything for you all the time. But this is hard, and sometimes boring, and the Noodle needs a break every now and then. This unfortunately means that we occasionally have to make decisions for ourselves.

Yes, a frightful dilemma. But as I shall explain, it as a dilemma which you can turn al dente, as any problem can be turned, as long as you truly believe and donate.

What is the first step?

Good question. The first step is to realize that the Great Noodle is inside of us, all the time. Though he is far too busy to decide everything for us, he is still with us, rooting us on. He sees us when we’re sleeping; he knows when we’re awake. He’s watching you right now, and is likely ashamed of your actions.

Why, what the heck did I do?

Likely too much to mention, but do not fear. No one is perfect, with the exception of the Great Noodle Himself… and possibly Brad Pitt. When confronted with a moral decision, simply ask yourself; What Would the Flying Spaghetti Monster Do? (WWFSMD)

The likely answer is float around with his eyes wide open and his noodly appendages dangling… and so that is what YOU must do as well. But in a more figurative and deep way.

Example A: Young Bobby and Young Billy are at the local shopping mall. Young Bobby sees a new plastic action toy he wants, and seeing no grown ups looking, slips it into his jacket. If YOU were Young Billy, what would you do? Would you tell your friend to put the toy back, knowing that it may risk your friendship with him?

The answer, of course, is to do nothing. For as the Great Noodle has said, “Thou shouldn’t be a snitch, for that is lame.â€￾ So keep your dirty mouth shut Young Billy. Young Bobby will have the action toy, which you can now play with, but you are free of blame. Certainly Young Bobby will boil in the terrible Marinara Pot for all eternity when he dies, but do not concern yourself, as your hands are clean. Truly it is a win/win situation.

Example 2: A father and his family decide to take their holy Friday off and spend some time in the park. While they are setting up a picnic lunch, the Father sees a pretty woman getting bothered by a gang of young roustabouts. If YOU were the Father what would you do?

Again, the answer is nothing. Sure, they’re bothering her, but there’s like SIX of them… and they’re kinda big. As the Great Noodle has also said, “Don’t be stupid.â€￾ There are cops in the park. Certainly they’ll notice and do something about it eventually. Remember, it is better to do nothing than it is to get stomped and look like a total wuss in front of your kids.

Example C: You are a Holy, good meaning, and handsome Saucier for the Great Noodle. The lady next door sometimes walks around her house half dressed. If YOU where me… er, the Saucier in question, would it REALLY be so wrong to look at her from the window of your house? I mean REALLY? She’s gotta be doing it for a reason, right? Say the wife in this purely hypothetical situation catches you watching from the window, are you wrong here? Why can’t she get off my back! It was one little peek! It’s not like anything happened! Heck, if she showed any interest in me once in a while maybe I wouldn’t have to…

SO… the answer is of course you are right and she is wrong. As the Great Noodle spake, speakith, (spoked?); “Love thy neighbor.â€￾


Fun Family Activity: Plant little, unmarked presents around the house while your children are at school. Hide when they come home. When they see all the presents, do they start opening them? Now is the time you would come out of hiding and punish them severely.
All praise the lord of starch and justice!
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Postby Al Dante on Mon Apr 10, 2006 12:34 pm

Curtland, you should be aware that doctrine here is different from Bobby's book (and is not created by individuals just making stuff up either).

There is no boiling marinara pot, except perhaps in people's kitchens around dinnertime.

Check out the Suggestions Not Commandments in this forum. They are not the same as the I'd Rather You Didn'ts. Perhaps you'll find them more to your liking.

As for your specific sarcastic criticisms...

1. Not being a snitch does not preclude telling your friend to put the toy back. Nor does it require you to remain friends with him if he doesn't, nor free you from blame if you encourage him by playing with the toy yourself. Not being a snitch means not running immediately to a cop and, well, snitching. (Which even the cop would agree with; does he really want the aggravation over one lousy action figure?) Especially, not doing so for the sake of your own self-righteous imagined moral superiority. (If it were to prevent serious harm to someone, that's a different scenario. See below.)

2. Ask any law enforcement officer what the father should do in this case. I guarantee that they'll say he should neither confront the gang, nor ignore the situation. He should summon the police, which should be easy if there are cops in the park or he has a cell phone.

Of course, in certain circumstances intervening might be, in the balance, the right thing to do instead. But the father must keep in mind that against the possible help he can render to the victim, he's also risking making things much worse for the victim (including getting her killed), bringing harm on his family, and himself behaving criminally if he's misinterpreted the situation. (We'll assume he's brave and selfless, and therefore indifferent to his own personal risk.) Hence, the principle "Don't be stupid" certainly applies here. It doesn't mean don't act. It means don't be stupid.

3. I agree with you on this one. Anything I can see from my own property, I'm entitled to look at. My wife would probably be looking too, and commenting on the lady's figure or taste in clothing. Of course, if my wife asked me not to look, I would stop, because I respect her wishes too (though in fact I doubt she'd make such a request). I don't see where "Love thy neighbor" comes into it either way.

Fun Family Activity: WTF? What have you seen here that suggests to you that Pastafarianism advocates cruelty to children?

Any moral precepts that can be stated in a few words can be confounded by sufficiently contrived scenarios. ("What if some aliens abducted me and said they'd destroy the entire earth unless I bombed an orphanage?") That's why these are Suggestions and I'd Rather You Didn'ts, not commandments. The FSM understands mitigating circumstances. It's like, just because I'd rather you didn't stain my carpet doesn't mean, if you came staggering in bleeding from a knife wound, that I'd push you out of the room. Does that make sense?

- morAL
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Postby Al Dante on Mon Apr 10, 2006 12:39 pm

Edited: double post removed.

- Al
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Postby Curtland on Mon Apr 10, 2006 12:49 pm

Oh no, I understand completely. The satire in the above is meant as nothing more than satire. I don't intend to tell people to do these things and obviously don't mean them!

It is not supposed to go into any "official" anything. Just entertain other posters.

I would like to add, though, as just a MINOR point to no one in particular, any religion promising STRIPPER FACTORIES in the afterlife should assume slightly less of a "high horsed" position on sarcasm and jokes. It seems a tab (and just a tad, I know there's NOTHING wrong with Strippers) hypocritical.

Otherwise, I will take your critisism to heart when next I post.

Cheers!
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Postby Al Dante on Mon Apr 10, 2006 1:36 pm

Curtland, I know you didn't mean any harm. I gather from some of your other posts that the target of your satire was actually the facile moralizing often seen in religious texts "for families" or "for children."

However, that's a rather remote target from here. (And keep in mind that there are many Christians and people of other faiths here.) What your post looked like was that you were satirizing Pastafarianism -- or rather, certain moral suggestions associated with it. Now, I would hope that every Pastafarian would defend, to the death if need be, your right to satirize Pastafarianism. But why do it here? Or at least, if you do it here, why not clearly label it as such and locate it in the appropriate forums so that people can appreciate and enjoy it for what it is? This forum is "Scripture and Lore," not "Make Fun Of Scripture and Lore."

What reaction would you expect if you went to a Christian Web site, chose an image of Satan as your avatar, and posted a similar essay based on some of the Ten Commandments? (Try the old "Don't tell anyone your parents molest you, because the Bible says Honor Thy Father And Mother." That always riles 'em up.)

You're new, and very intelligent, and well-spoken, and witty. That makes you... dangerous, in the manner of bringing a knife to a paintball gunfight. You could do a lot of damage before you fully understand what's actually going on. (Or a more accurate analogy might be bringing a paintball gun to a knife fight... if you don't understand what's actually going on, you risk needlessly pissing everyone off and eventually being made to walk the plank.)

Slightly surprising fact #1: Some people take this seriously, or (more usually) take certain parts of it seriously.

Really truly amazing fact #2: The ones who take it seriously, and the ones who don't, all get along here.

It might be worthwhile to re-read the "Is this a joke?" sections of the FAQ. Also I like to point people to this thread when they seem a bit unclear on the "but it's all a joke" issue.

- possibly hyporciticAL
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Postby Curtland on Mon Apr 10, 2006 1:49 pm

Again, I get your point, and will do my best to follow the rules set forth... and now it seems the small and quick writing above shall take us to a somewhat serious debate on linguistic intent.

I concede that some people MAY not see the humor intended in what was written. But I'm a bit mystified why anyone lacking a sense of humor would choose to call this place home at the outset.

...again the Stripper factories and beer volcano. I love it, it's humorous and smart, and seems to me MUCH more satirizing of the promises of any religion than what I posted as a joke above. Not to mention the offense any number of people on this planet could take from the objectification that is implied in strippers being there (presumably more for Men than Women) as a prize in the afterlife.

I like it here, and am here to stay if you'll have me... but I will fight you to the death on this point. Lacking the ability to make fun of yourself is the worst kind of righteousness.

Yours in starchy love, Curtland.
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Postby Curtland on Tue Apr 11, 2006 8:57 am

...I thought that was Atkins!

:cry:
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Postby KC Observer on Tue Apr 11, 2006 3:14 pm

Chef Boyadee is wannabe (albeit very BAD wannabe) pasta. It's not real pasta by any definition know to man (or woman). Methinks it's time for an avatar change for the likes of you? :wink:
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