First Letter of Shortbeard The Pirate

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First Letter of Shortbeard The Pirate

Postby shortbeard_the_pirate on Thu Apr 06, 2006 10:54 am

1:1 I Shortbeard The Pirate, scourge of the Mediterranean, was putting my peg and foot up at a bar/bistro on the southern Sicilian coastline one day taking a much-deserved break after some high-seas piracy.

1:2 Having been sufficiently hungry and thirsty to leave my beloved galleon in the hands of the scurvy-bitten dogs who manned it, if you want to call what they do “manningâ€￾ a vessel, I found the bistro with its full-service bar irresistible.

1:3 Me nose, long cleared by the briny air, could tell as I ambled up to this bistro, that they weren’t opening boxes of Prince inside. No, these were true servants of our Noodly Master. They painstakingly crafted their noodles by hand.

1:4 Arr, suffice to say, I’d quickly filled my holds with a huge heaping of pasta goodness, but shiver-me-timbers, half a plate remained. Arr, ‘twould be many a tide before I’d taste pasta like this again, for we shoved off in the morn’ to waylay a vessel laden with fancy, new pantaloons, I thought to meself. I decided I’d sooner eat me own peg off me knee before I’d leave that plate of spaghetti uneaten! Arr, ‘twas no good, ‘twas no room left in me stores.

1:5 Avast ye! No man, woman, federal agent or grammar teacher had ever bested Shortbeard! Now, a plate of pasta was mocking me! Defeated, I reached for me pipe, for me after-dinner smoke. Just then, a serving wench approached. She offered to fill my pipe with a special herb, I call it Holy Oregano. Me ship’s stores were full of tobacco taken from a Spanish ship returning from America, but I dinna wanna offend the wench, for I’d seen naught but my flea-bitten crew in months.

1:6 I inhaled the acrid herb deeply and coughed mightily. Me good eye even watered. Then, a miracle of our Noodly Master was revealed to me. Despite being stuffed bow to stern with pasta only moments before, a powerful hunger came upon me a-sudden. I devoured the remaining spaghetti and had the wench twice refill the bread basket.

1:7 I carried that wench back to me ship that night, along with her supply of Holy Oregano. I even shared some with my crew, not that the dogs had earned it. The scurvy bastards, after breathing the smoke of the Holy Oregano, promptly tie-dyed me mainsail. When I find the plank, I’ll make the dogs walk it.

1:8 Avast ye mates, I hold that the Holy Oregano, revealed to me in Sicily, is a miracle of our Noodly Master. I dunno when He created it, before or after the midgit, but by me eye-patch, it must be His work. It is holy unto Him. It allows His people to enjoy more noodly goodness in one sitting. May we partake of the Holy Oregano in honor of our Noodly Master, if ye wish.
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Postby Dr. Otis Lansa on Thu Apr 06, 2006 11:15 am

If it's judged Apocryphal, there may be a home in the False Prophecies.

Right next to the letters on caffeine and alcohol, and the warnings against the harder stuff. Ooh, good ideas! It's been decided that the FSM has no issues with the Holy Oregano for those (of age of majority of course) who so desire to partake.
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arr

Postby shortbeard_the_pirate on Thu Apr 06, 2006 1:38 pm

arr, I'd be honored to see me musings included in the Loose Cannon.

Me apologies, Auntie Dee Dee, I read the start forum but dinna introduce meself. I shall remedy this post-haste...
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Postby Dr. Otis Lansa on Thu Apr 06, 2006 2:09 pm

Heh, just clicked here to check Dee Dee's response and there were 4 replies and 20 views. :roll:

:mrgreen:
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Postby shortbeard_the_pirate on Thu Apr 06, 2006 2:22 pm

Thank ye for the advice, Auntie Dee Dee. The last thing me old galleon, or me old bones needs is being fired upon broadside. Lost me leg to cannonball many a moon ago, 'tis how I got me peg.

Arrr, one peg befits a pirate, but two makes him a landlubber. 'Tis no life for me!
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Up In The Sky!

Postby teripie on Thu Apr 06, 2006 3:41 pm

I like it. The only thing I'd do to it is maybe fix the language a little. It's almost to proper.
-----(\ /)------
-----(o.o)-----
----(> <)-----
This is Bunny.
Bunny, as cute and cuddley as he may appear, is bent on world domination.
To achieve this he has decided to start by taking over teh intarweb, a step towards his ultimate goal.
To help him complete his quest and therefore ensure bunny domination, copy and paste him into your sig
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Postby Dr. Otis Lansa on Thu Apr 06, 2006 3:53 pm

Befitting of the False Prophecies, if not as loose as most of the Loose Cannon. Proper language makes a nice contrast, even from a pirate!
:D
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