The Student and the Master

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

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The Student and the Master

Postby Qwertyuiopasd » Sat Jul 27, 2013 3:58 pm

So here's something I wrote for the Dao Bao Jing a while back. Wasn't sure if I'd write another chapter, or if it works better as just a stand alone. I can't think of a good second chapter or other topic for an interaction between these two figures, so I thought I'd just post it already. I would invite anyone interested to write a second chapter, or help me come up with ideas for one.

So here it is.

1 One morning, as the Students were swabbing the deck, the Master came out to observe their diligence. 2 And the Student approached the Master.

3 “Master, why is it that we swab the decks every day?” inquired the Student.

4 “One must always keep their ship in peak condition, ready for any storm or attack.” responded the Master.

5 “But Master,” the Student protested, “We live in a monastery high in the mountains.”

6 “Did you think I meant a literal ship?” the Master asked rhetorically. 7 “Our ship is what holds us and carries us where we go. 8 That is what we must keep ship shape, hence the saying.”

9 “But Master,” the Student protested again, still confused. 10 “Our monastery is in no danger from attack or storm, is it?”

11 “You are still such a child,” the Master smiled. 12 “Did you think I meant literal storms or attacks? 13 I'm an ancient venerated sage of Pastafarianism, most of what I say is going to be in metaphor or allegory. 14 Attacks are any outside source of conflict, suffering, or confusion. 15 Storms are the internal sources of these tribulations. 16 Must I spell everything out for you?”

17 “Well, it does help,” the Student pointed out. 18 “But how is it that swabbing the decks of the monastery here help us to prevail in times of hardship, external or otherwise? 19 It just keeps things clean, mostly.”

20 “How does it help you?” the Master exclaimed. 21 “How does it not help you! 22 It maintains tradition, reminding you of the hard life of the sea our pirate ancestors and brothers live. 23 It provides physical exercise, to keep you healthy and fit. 24 It is a means of meditation, if you let it be. 25 Most significant, though, is the discipline you gain. 26 The ability to listen to and execute orders from your elders and superiors will aide you much in this life, and the ability to listen to and execute orders from your mind and soul is an even greater asset.”

27 “Master, I will gladly do as you say when there is meaning and purpose behind it.” the Student offered. 28 “But I see no purpose behind our endless swabbing.”

29 “You wish to know the true meaning of your labors?” the Master asked. 30 “Very well. 31 There is none. 32 Your endless swabbing accomplishes nothing measurable or cash refundable.”

33 “Then why is it that we do this?” asked the Student.

34 “Discipline,” the Master reiterated. 35 “If you cannot discipline yourself to accomplish a meaningless task, you will only be able to apply yourself to whatever catches your passion at any moment. 36 You will be as fickle as the wind and unable to accomplish anything. 37 If you can discipline yourself to do a task with no meaning, then you have achieved the discipline to do the most difficult of tasks. 38 After that, any pursuit you follow you will complete. 39 Through discipline of a meaningless task, you gain discipline to accomplish anything you dream of. 40 Now, have I explained everything to you clearly?”

41 “Yes, I think so” the Student answered.

42 “Good. 43 Don't make me do that again” the Master ordered. 44 “It is difficult to maintain an aura of mystical wisdom when you make me dissect my metaphors.”
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Re: The Student and the Master

Postby peacefulsongs » Sat Aug 03, 2013 11:43 pm

Qwertyuiopasd wrote:43 Don't make me do that again” the Master ordered. 44 “It is difficult to maintain an aura of mystical wisdom when you make me dissect my metaphors.”

That's pretty funny stuff. Very deep and hillarious. Perfect material that stays with the spirit of the flying spaghetti monster.



Re: The Student and the Master

Postby peacefulsongs » Sat Aug 31, 2013 12:43 am

effective August 31, 2013 at 1:00am Eastern Standard time I will stop logging on to this forum from work.

I want to read this stuff at my house.


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Re: The Student and the Master

Postby Monobaz » Sat Oct 11, 2014 3:27 pm

I decided to add in a second chapter Qwerty, I hope you don’t mind. My inspiration is drawn from the profound and eloquent wisdom writings of Nef Yoo Black Beard to whom I am eternally grateful. Monobaz

Chapter 2
2:01 Stung by the Master’s less than complimentary comments, the Student did endeavour to heed the enlightened one’s advice and focussed on rigorous self discipline and became dedicated to daily tasks.
2:02 Swabbing decks was initially an horrid chore and over the subsequent thirty nine year period the Student scrubbed decks for no less than thirteen hours on each and every day.
2:03 Gradually the Student developed an ability to utilise the time profitably by refining acute meditational skills.
2:04 The technique acquired by the Student involved visualising important pirate scripture and committing to memory the sacred texts while carrying out the ample boring daily menial tasks.
2:05 By virtue of applying this meditational method, hours seemed to pass like minutes and the grind associated with daily chores became invigorating.
2:06 The Student was spell-bound by the clarity and insightful writings of Nef Yoo Black Beard and “The Wisdom of Nef Yoo Black Beard” was a particular favourite. The Student especially revered the wisdom document owing to its relevance as a defining moment in the history of piracy and Nef Yoo’s practical methods in averting mass extinctions during the great flood proved exemplary as did his devotion to the FSM’s requirements in general.
2:07 On completion of the daily tasks, the Student enthusiastically endeavoured to utilise the ample spare time to good effect. During the course of three decades and nine years the Student graduated in meteorological studies, advanced animal husbandry and genetics, Mesozoic Era palaeontology and lepidoptery.
2:08 It seemed particularly important to readily recognise impending cataclysmic weather events such as Nef Yoo had done in days gone by. The skilful application of advanced animal husbandry techniques may indeed mitigate the risk of additional species extinctions.
2:09 Even though Nef Yoo had eloquently described the extinction of dinosaurs, it was considered useful to master Mesozoic Era palaeontology in order to fully understand the precise processes inherent in the event.
2:10 And studies of Lepidoptera became the Student’s profound passion and the Student did become the resident lepidopterist at the monastery and by applying Nef Yoo’s collection techniques the Student was able to assemble a wonderful assortment of beautiful butterflies for all to enjoy.
2:11 And the Student did assimilate Nef Yoo’s wisdom and it was good.
2:12 After the Student’s many years of unwavering service without complaint, dedication to mundane duties and due diligence toward extracurricular studies, the Master deemed it appropriate to assess the current level of wisdom with the view to possible promotion.
2:13 The Master selected an ancient wisdom derived from sacred scripture with which to test the Student. The said wisdom involves one’s responses to the unexpected and chance encounter with a putrid deceased dog. For example, an unwise student may likely comment on the foul stench which emanates from the deceased animal while a wise student may perhaps recognise the white purity of the dog’s teeth.
2:14 The Master made secret arrangements for the examination and organised for a suitably foul smelling dead dog to be placed on the clean polished boards.
2:15 The Master led the unsuspecting Student to the grotesque site and calmly anticipated an enlightened assessment.
2:16 But the shocked Student shouted: “Git offa me skiff ya scurvee currr!”
2:17 Ohhhh Noooo!
"There was a time when religion ruled the world. It is known as the Dark Ages." Ruth Hurmence Green

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Re: The Student and the Master

Postby bonsaiherb » Sat Oct 11, 2014 6:41 pm

Loved it. Great post. As I am in the middle of door belling for political candidates, I wish I had such a Masters demeanor.
Worse yet, I am not used to the change of weather. My slickers and rain gear are now very much needed. Swabbing decks in sunshine is one thing, doing it in rain or hail is another matter, and I for one do not have the dedication for that.

Most people don't care, don't read or even understand how to access good information. 25 percent of Americans did not know who Joe Biden was, who the women were on the Supreme Court and vote for a DemoRepublican as that is how our system is now rigged. We students often get discouraged. Still these simpletons vote for war appropriations. Go figure.
Will see if I can do this with this sites formula.

Sometimes I just want to vent. Yet I note that this site also has its Rants and grumblings. More should be directed to 'Good and uplifting news' just to keep us centered. Image


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Re: The Student and the Master

Postby Monobaz » Sat Dec 20, 2014 5:43 pm

Gee thankx.
"There was a time when religion ruled the world. It is known as the Dark Ages." Ruth Hurmence Green

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