No salvation for diabetics?

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

Moderator: All Things Mods

No salvation for diabetics?

Postby skepticalreligiousmark on Wed Aug 24, 2005 3:16 pm

Just today I received a Call into the Faith through the blessed disseminators of the gospel of the FSM at Up to this point I've considered myself a Christian, albeit one who doesn't usually walk around with his head stuffed into the posterior regions...but I've been becoming increasingly distressed by ID-olaters posing as Christians trying to commandeer the laws, the Christian faith itself, and the public education of America for their own nefarious (and religious) purposes. In my growing unease and discomfort, I've been searching around for answers, and lo (!), the Answer appeared before me at, where for the first time, my Noodly Maker revealed himself unto me. I was flooded with epistemological Light and came to understand how ignorance of the Noodly Truth had darkened the minds of ID-eologues. I was filled with hope.

Immediately, however, my mind and heart presented me with a stumbling-block: I'm diabetic. There. I said it. The exhilaration I had just felt upon receiving the Truth fell from me and my heart became heavy. My shaman has told me that I must severely restrict my intake of Simple Carbly pleasures such as spaghetti. I'm sure you can understand that this places a vast abyss between me and the Divine Beneficence, and now I'm truly faced with a theodicy issue: How could, and why would, an All-Perfect being deliberately inflict upon one of his creations such a necessary distancing from Him? Has it been foreordained that I am not one of the Elect? Was I created merely as an object lesson for the Saved, as a demonstration of the anguish that awaits those who do not have an intimate relationship with Pasta Noster? Is there a way that I can come to him Just As I Am and be received without derision? I did not make myself this way, and feel that it is unjust that I should be denied communion with Him.

I hope that one of you who are stronger and older in the Faith can guide me through my confusion. To have received the Faith and then to have been so quickly assaulted with a faith crisis is disheartening.

Still, I'd rather be in my shoes any day than be an ID-eologue.
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2005 2:51 pm
Location: Dallas, Texas

Postby AmZ on Wed Aug 24, 2005 3:19 pm

Well, you could consider yourself one of the blessed. For the rest of us common mortals, the body of His Holy Noodleyness is basic sustenance. For you, it can truly be a sacrament. After all, Catholics make a special occasion of their communion, don't they? They don't just gobble up those wafers whenever they feel like something wheaty and crunchy.
Gnocchetti Galley Slave
Posts: 62
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:23 pm
Location: Chicago

Don't have to eat Him to be loved by Him

Postby w1zeman on Wed Aug 24, 2005 3:29 pm

FSM is not about eating pasta. Being able to eat pasta is no more a qualification for entering His communion as being hungry or thirsty when taking the Catholic sacrement.

What matter is your faith in what He stands for.
Pasta loves you.
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2005 11:37 am

Postby danells on Wed Aug 24, 2005 11:51 pm

Skeptical: Fear not for the meaty one has a plan for all his followers. We are all faced with hardships in this life, for some lust for the beasts of the plain, some hunger for the bottle (Of course I refer to skim milk for booze is acceptable and celebrated by the noodly one, for he has revealed to me thus), sadly you have been afflicted with a restrained ability to celebrate the great ones noodliness. But, there is hope!!!. As your brotheren and sisteren have shown. And now, I bring you a ray of light in the darkness you find yourself encapsuled in.

It is known as Kombu, and is a cousin (twice removed) of the noodly one. It is a seaweed that can be formed into a noodle, the consumption of which pleases the noodly one. For more information please read this holy "search" from the oracle of Google:
Conchigliette Convert
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2005 11:02 pm
Location: In the land of Lawrence, realm of the Kansas

Postby Cardinal Queequeg on Thu Aug 25, 2005 12:04 am

Mark, let go of your fear.

Of course I can't speak officially, but it seems to me that the pasta consumption is both physical and metaphysical. Spaghetti is the Holy Meal, no doubt.

But remember, ye are promised entrance to the Beer Volcano and the Stripper Factory in the glorious life to come. What ye lack today must surely be repaid infinately in the hereafter.

By the way, those Eucharist wafers are much improved by a generous squirt of Cheeze Whiz.

Cardinal Queequeg
In the name of the Pasta, and of the Sauce, and of the Garlic Toast, RAmen.
I look, you look, he looks, we look, ye look, they look.
User avatar
Cardinal Queequeg
Holy Harpooneer
Posts: 888
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:07 am
Location: Georgia's Noodle Coast

Postby Cardinal Queequeg on Thu Aug 25, 2005 2:20 am

And they are good with pesto too.

Cardinal Queequeg
In the name of the Pasta, and of the Sauce, and of the Garlic Toast, RAmen.
I look, you look, he looks, we look, ye look, they look.
User avatar
Cardinal Queequeg
Holy Harpooneer
Posts: 888
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:07 am
Location: Georgia's Noodle Coast

Postby Benedict on Thu Aug 25, 2005 5:22 am

Indeed, the physical pasta is but fuel for the body. What matters is that you consume the spiritual pasta of his Noodly message to fuel your soul.
Fusilli Fuselier
Posts: 184
Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2005 4:42 am
Location: London

Postby The Meromorph on Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:38 pm

I, too, am a diabetic. I eat pasta. But not for breakfast.
Except that Lasagna has no more than an acceptable effect on my blood glucose level. So I sometimes eat that for breakfast.
It's all about rates of absorption for carbs.
Whole wheat spaghetti works fine. Lasagna works fine. Egg noodles work ok (use moderation).
Really only Lasagna works well for breakfast, other varieties are best enjoyed for lunch or dinner.

So you can enjoy Her Noodly Goodness with forethought and moderation.
And lots and lots of Garlic.
Laughing in the rain.
Dancing in the desert sand,
Somersaults through life.
User avatar
The Meromorph
Sweet Moderation
Posts: 1216
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2005 4:12 pm
Location: Sailing away to Vindravan, eating my tears with laughter.

Return to Scripture and Lore

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests