Back in December 2003 I started Pieism. The worship and eating of pie. It was a joke, a mockery of religion, and its practice quickly died. But now, almost two years later, I've uncovered a startling fact that shivers my bones. I didn't create Pieism. It already existed! In March 2003 a group of (obvious pie loving) Internet users founded the Church of Pie. While their religion is quite small, I found striking similarities in their writings and my own...though we had never met. I believe I was inspired in the December of 2003 by a deity I've only recently discovered personally...
I'm of course talking about The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
A couple days ago I was pondering my pointless existence eating a mediocre preparation of meatless spaghetti...when I had a revelation. Could the farce I had written be true? Or had I misinterpreted the real meaning of the universe? I came across this site after accidentally typing "spaghetti monster" instead of typing, "misinterpreting the real meaning of the universe." Mind you, I was eating said mediocre preparation of meatless spaghetti at the time, so pasta was subversively on my mind.
I now believe that in my humorous creation of Pieism I was unknowingly scribing FSM's teachings wrongly. I also believe FSM is not alone is his corporal, oscillation-overthrusting existence. More on this later.
Many have wondered why the FSM exists. And it is not that humans are the creators of spaghetti, but ratherâ€¦we were enlightened by the FSM to create the food in his image over time, even if we werenâ€™t aware. Which came first, the FSM or the plate? The FSM I know now. What a fool I was to think man was the originator of pasta. This must be the same with many other foods. Obviously we did not create spaghetti, or flight or monsters. I believe pie is among these sacred foods we did not create, and I must have confused pieâ€™s importance. After studying my lore on FSMism, Iâ€™ve come upon information that once again shivers my bones (I really need to see a doctor about that). Could there be additional deities under FSM? Perhaps some sort of Flying Pie Monster or maybe a Swimming Pie Monster influenced me. I donâ€™t know. Some scripture speaks of pasta angels and even pasta demons. And some do speak of delegates residing over certain â€œman-madeâ€ material items. Pie being one, but perhaps also time, cake, dairy, and sharp pointy things. Only Heaven will hold those answers. Even more disturbingâ€¦does this mean when we die and go to Heaven do we have the opportunity to become demi-gods under FSM? Humans becoming Gods? Are their once-mortals in charge of sharp pointy things?
I thought about us being the work of the Godâ€¦and that since the age of the universe canâ€™t be grasped, perhaps time is all but a myth brought on by Rolex and old people. Spaghetti is before man because FSM is a deity above time and our existence and hence the origin of anything is up for grabs since something like the FSM can alter reality at will! My mind is farting at the implication of such revelations. I can feel my soul crying out to be saved. These words may seem like the mad typing of a non-believer, but I pray youâ€¦ research further! We need to find out more about these supposed demi-Gods. If they exist, what control do they have over us? And why hasnâ€™t FSM told us about them? Perhaps he thought it best not to say, as he is a kind entity with his own sense of morality, and the others are horrendous fear-inducing super-creatures from beyond the moon of cheese! Either way, this has been me recollecting his revelation. At least I can safely say I have been touched by his noodly appendage. And it was good.