Qwerty, in answer to your question, there won't so much be an enumeration of "Heaven" in the Loose Canon, per se, as in a book that says: This is exactly what heaven is like. But, as you suggest in your question, there will be continual references to it in the various Canonical works in the Loose Canon. What this project in this thread involves, to the best of my understanding, is an attempt to determine what IS Canonical regarding FSM Heaven. This is a very privileged moment for Pastafarians, as these types of proceedings are usually held by secret Council of Olive Garden deliberations. I believe this process has been decided because of the vast amount of material generated on this subject.
After about five hours of fishing, I think this is very much a task that will be done incrementally, as I have gathered nearly seven pages of solid text that will need to be gleaned for relevant statements - good ones in, dumb ones out. And there are both, from many diverse sources.
On that note, here is the first bit from which to distill and summarize:
my personal notes/questions are in italics - ~s/s~
Physical ills all fixed, however you want them. When you do a run-through at the Stripper Factory, you ask for the interior update and repair as well. two source texts, others don't mention...
the Beer Volcano gives forth the beverage of choice, by the glass or cupful, or by the can, bottle or keg. It KNOWS what you want. By both predestination AND foreknowledge, it will provide exactly what you want to drink. (FSM's good at this stuff) all source texts agree
Stripper factory makes custom models to the specifications requested.
are these new people? Source texts unclear?
It's also available for refurbishing the previous models, for instance if the spouse or spousal equivalent is wanting a bit of an update, or if you think one would be nice for yourself, then--reserve a time and go. texts do not specify this must be at spouses choice... do you suppose one could send ones spouse against that spouse's will??? seems unlikely!
The strippers aren't just toys, they're people, so the usual and customary requirements for treating people with respect apply, but the factory does produce custom models and generally attractive persons of all sexual frequencies. texts do not agree if, as people, other options are available to them for their off time
As to chocolate, it's there. The official Holy Meal has a nice chocolatey dessert, although there is room for individual changes. well established by all texts
I assume that any heaven worthy of that title promises active participation, and that the stripper factory is simply a great way to provide people of both genders who are particularly skilled at motivating that participation. implied but not corroborated
As some of the female FSMers have pointed out, actually removing the clothes is not always necessary (one suggested that Johnny Depp would be more to her liking than a random stripper, and could stay clothed as long as he did certain other things). Skilled strippers, of course, are well aware of that fact. implied but not corroborated
Of course some of the FSMers in the afterlife may prefer strippers who simply peel it all off as quickly as possible, but that is only one of many possible stripper behaviors. not corroborated, specific stripper behaviors rarely mentioned
I am sure that all will be accommodated, and yes, there must be the opportunity for active participation as well. by first part of statement, second can be logically extrapolated
There are equal and ever changing numbers of strippers, all of whom are approachable "after work". not corroborated, specific stripper behaviors rarely mentioned
The idea of you being offered Virgins as property is not exactly keeping with our ideas of equality of the sexes and all that. nearly a word-for-word translation of ancient source text
FSM gives us all the chance to become strippers, and to be pleasing to the eyes of others. not specifically stated, but implied through idea of having one's wishes fulfilled?
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