In search of the first Midget

Submit your scriptural writings for inclusion in the Loose Canon, and your tales of ancient FSM Lore, as well as any other FSM-related writing you may have.

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Postby Duke on Thu Dec 15, 2005 9:37 pm

Sir Francis Drake wrote:When they do find it, do you think they'd let me have it? My toadfish is hungry and cranky. (He's teething, you know.)


Oh, sure! His relatives asked me to cremate him and spread his ashes over the Great Eel Plains of the Pacific, but they can't tell the difference. Anything to help another toadfish fan!


Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain


He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche


"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen
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Postby Alpaca on Thu Dec 15, 2005 11:22 pm

Duke wrote:Oh, sure! His relatives asked me to cremate him and spread his ashes over the Great Eel Plains of the Pacific, but they can't tell the difference. Anything to help another toadfish fan!


Cremation? That means send over some powdered concrete and dump the body in a Georgia lake.
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Postby Sir Francis Drake on Fri Dec 16, 2005 2:15 pm

Have a heart! Think of all the dear little starving toadfish that would be more than happy to have at the remains.

Come to think of it, chewing through the concrete to get to the creamy filling may be just what they need to get all those teeth-rows cut. Hmmm. Can we get him sent over to Alpaca's first for a cripsy outer-coating?
Taste the truth, savor the satire, pass the pasta!

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Postby Duke on Sat Dec 17, 2005 4:42 pm

Sounds like a plan! We have some extra uncooked pasta in the pantry, maybe I could donate some of that to the poor toadfishes, for the sake of Pastamas!


Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain


He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche


"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen
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Postby Sir Francis Drake on Tue Dec 20, 2005 12:25 pm

I suppose that once they've been soaking a while though, the noodles will be less al dente than FSM would approve of. Better to donate your uncooked noodles to the Million Noodle March.

But if you have any leftover cooked spaghetti, I'm sure the little toadfish children would be happy to have it. Maybe if we form it into a teething ring and leave it in the sun until brittle?
Taste the truth, savor the satire, pass the pasta!

Dona Nobis Pasta

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Postby Duke on Tue Dec 20, 2005 2:30 pm

Sir Francis Drake wrote:I suppose that once they've been soaking a while though, the noodles will be less al dente than FSM would approve of. Better to donate your uncooked noodles to the Million Noodle March.

But if you have any leftover cooked spaghetti, I'm sure the little toadfish children would be happy to have it. Maybe if we form it into a teething ring and leave it in the sun until brittle?


Certainly! Like the nuns say, "Remeber the toadfish babies!".


Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain


He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche


"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen
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Duke
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Postby Sir Francis Drake on Wed Dec 21, 2005 4:54 pm

Ah yes. I remember the nuns remembering the toadfish babies by floating little wreaths of sun-dried pasta on the shining waters. I remember the laughter of the wee toadfish as they sharpened their cunning little teeth-rows on the wreaths, the laughter of the pirates, the horror on the faces of the lookers-on. Ah, Holiday is a charming time of year.
Taste the truth, savor the satire, pass the pasta!

Dona Nobis Pasta

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Sir Francis Drake
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Postby Alpaca on Wed Dec 21, 2005 5:04 pm

But then the nuns realized that it was time to beat the children in their custody. And the toadfish continued to giggle and sharpen their teeth, and all was well...
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Postby Duke on Wed Dec 21, 2005 5:09 pm

Thank goodness for this wonderful time of year.


Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

--Mark Twain


He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

--Friedrich Nietzsche


"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

--Woody Allen
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Duke
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Posts: 8483
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Postby Sir Francis Drake on Fri Dec 23, 2005 12:53 pm

'Twas the night before Holiday
And all through the Hind*
Not a toadfish were stirrin'
Just me and my mind...



*reference to my old ship The Golden Hind. Lard, I miss her.
Taste the truth, savor the satire, pass the pasta!

Dona Nobis Pasta

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Sir Francis Drake
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Posts: 993
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 7:09 pm
Location: FSM's own Honorable Order of Toadfish Monastery

Postby Alpaca on Fri Dec 23, 2005 12:56 pm

Yer mind was stirrin'
In a few drinks of booze,
Jack Daniels does oft have
The power to confuse.
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Postby Sir Francis Drake on Fri Dec 23, 2005 5:24 pm

I also was stirrin'
A great big ol' pot
of steaming spaghetti
all starchy and hot


When up on the Bridge Deck there rose such a din
I flew from the galley to see who'd come in
Then what to my wandering eye did appear
But the great FSM and a tall glass of beer
Taste the truth, savor the satire, pass the pasta!

Dona Nobis Pasta

-Opsanus tau
Sir Francis Drake
Monkaroni
 
Posts: 993
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 7:09 pm
Location: FSM's own Honorable Order of Toadfish Monastery

Postby Alpaca on Fri Dec 23, 2005 5:32 pm

And larger than basketballs His meatballs were,
And the beer was so good that I gave such a stir,
To the pot of spaghetti that it flew up to my neck,
And then, out it writhed, right onto the deck!
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Postby Sir Francis Drake on Tue Dec 27, 2005 6:16 pm

Lard luvya, Alpaca, yer one inspired beastie!
Taste the truth, savor the satire, pass the pasta!

Dona Nobis Pasta

-Opsanus tau
Sir Francis Drake
Monkaroni
 
Posts: 993
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 7:09 pm
Location: FSM's own Honorable Order of Toadfish Monastery

Postby Sir Francis Drake on Wed Dec 28, 2005 6:14 pm

Okay, back to the topic... so do you suppose that the first midget came from this place the Bible calls the Land of Nod, the mysterious and never-again-mentioned area where Cain and Abel got their wives from? Do you think Nod is the place pictured in the Holy pencil drawing, a place of mountains and trees?
Taste the truth, savor the satire, pass the pasta!

Dona Nobis Pasta

-Opsanus tau
Sir Francis Drake
Monkaroni
 
Posts: 993
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 7:09 pm
Location: FSM's own Honorable Order of Toadfish Monastery

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